Altador Cup Recruitment Letter, C/O TNT
Also by jair_lorce
Dear "Spikes" Barmie,
On behalf of the Krawk Island Team Recruitment Office and millions of Krawk Island fans, I would like to express our admiration of your Yooyuball skill. We were thrilled to watch you in action against other teams, and were hard-pressed to feel anything but respect for your efforts against our own Krawk Island team. You are certainly a force to be reckoned with and a very valuable player. We are in awe of your Yooyuball-handling skills, and fully recognize what an amazing asset you are to any team you choose to join. For this reason we would like to extend an invitation to you to come join our dynamic Yooyuball team for the Altador Cup VII season and beyond.
We understand you may have some reservations about leaving the Tyrannian team so soon after you joined, but allow us, if you will, to bring up a few points that you may wish to consider before making a decision.
First, we would like to point out the flaw in your team loyalty logic: You may think that as a Krawk, you belong in Tyrannia, since Krawk petpets are sold in the Tyrannian petpet shop. This could be no further from the truth! Without the Fungus Cave on Krawk Island, you would be stuck in someone's gallery, or perhaps attached to a Neopet. Krawk Island helped you reach your full potential, and it can do the same for your career, if you were to transfer to our team. Tyrannia seems to regard Krawks as beneath them, or lesser than "fully developed" Neopets. From the Tyrannian treatment of Krawks in general, it is obvious that the thinking of Tyrannia's leaders is not as progressive as it perhaps should be.
Next, we would like to mention the dynamic and widely recognized team colors of Krawk Island. The vibrant red - a fitting symbol of the fighting passion of our team spirit and life-blood. Black - the scariest color, a clear reminder to our opponents the danger they face when they challenge us. These brilliant colors are recognized all over Neopia, as is our Team. In fact, our very symbol is designed to portray the Krawk, the magnificent and dangerous creature our island home is named for.
Finally, we would like to turn your attention to the possibility of fate. This year, Krawk Island suffered a devastating loss, with "Dasher" Soley, the only Krawk on our team, finally retiring. It seems to be quite a coincidence that a Krawk should appear on another team, who plays the same position that "Dasher" played, also with an amazing nickname. In our line of work, we don't believe in coincidence. Fate is not a force to be ignored.
Now let us get down to the nuts and bolts of this letter. In exchange for signing a 5-year contract with the Krawk Island Team, we will happily present you with a ticket to Neopia Central's Rainbow Pool to have you painted Pirate. You will be given your own dressing room, team uniform number of your choice, brand new Yooyuball gear, and a 100,000 dubloon salary, with bonuses, if Krawk Island makes it to the podium. (We would like to note that Krawk Island is the only land in Neopia that has its own currency, and the exchange rate with the rest of Neopia is currently quite favorable. If you would rather be compensated with Neopoints, we are willing to offer you 3 million Neopoints annually.) We would also be happy to provide you with whatever petpet you may choose to be your companion, with the exception of Krawk (Section 3, Paragraph 8 of the Krawk Island code prohibits residents from owning Krawk petpets), and free Battledome training with the esteemed Cap'n Threelegs for as long as you are a member of the team (or until the good Cap'n makes meeting with Davy Jones himself, whichever comes first).
You will be provided with the best accommodations Krawk Island has to offer, as well as your own personal boat, to be used on your future adventures. You will also always have a table reserved at the Golden Dubloon under your name, so that you may taste the finer things of Krawk Island, whenever the fancy may strike.
Also, we are fully prepared to recognize your krawkiness to its full extent, with appropriate team perks and Altador Cup tickets for your friends, as well as favorable betting opportunities on that favorite Krawk Island activity of Food Club. We know we don't have to remind you of the delightful potential of Smuggler's Cove, and all it can mean to those on the "right" side of the Island. You and your friends can enjoy holiday weekends on the decks of an authentic pirate ship, and may enjoy the water activities to be found once one "walks the plank." Or, you may prefer to set sail on a stormy cruise and indulge the pirate in you with treasure acquisition activities, the thrill of which makes the heart of every good Pirate sing. We will also offer you valuable insider knowledge of hot spots in the popular tourist attraction Buried Treasure... and all of the advantages that knowledge affords. But that's enough said about that.
Being THE Krawk on the KRAWK ISLAND team can of course be viewed as the ultimate fulfillment of your species goals, a coming "home" as it were. You would be not only a valued member of the team, but as the only Krawk on the team, our rallying point! A living, breathing totem of pirate bravery and terror to our enemies. Those teeth of yours were destined to be appreciated by Krawk supporters all across Neopia, and will come in handy should you ever decide to take a seat at the Food Club table with other infamous and scurvy pirate heroes.
We would encourage you to consider our offer, Spikes. We pirates can be quite determined to have the things we want, and we want you. It would be a terrible shame if you were not to join us willingly...
Kindly tender your counterproposal via return post and we will give it every consideration. We hope to see you in Krawk Island Team colors in the years to come!
crocodile_babiez and jair_lorce
The Krawk Island Team Recruitment Office
Krawk Island, Neopia