The White Weewoo - Help or Harm?
You’ve heard it before. The endless chatter, the non-stopping praise of one thing
and one thing only - the White Weewoo. Apparently, people think it stands for
a sign of hope. Those people in question are wrong. The Weewoos have a meaning
but that meaning is not to bring hope to Neopians everywhere. It is to take over
Neopia. And that is where I come in. I must alert you to the dangers of the Weewoo.
The Weewoos have carried around the story of hope for over a year. A over excited
Laurensama wanted her Weewoo to be white as it looked better and, as she pictured,
would be “prettiful”. So, she told some friends and they told some friends and
those friends told some friends who told some Myncis who told some Kougras who
told some friends who told...you understand. Then these friends wrote some articles
and mentioned them in some stories and drew some comics and eventually The Neopets
Team decided to make them. And it stood as a hopeful sign...for the unaware.
So, after the creation, they became well known and items were made and people
bought them and people adored them. But inside that fat, white body is a mind
of evil. For several years before they were released to the Neopian public the
White Weewoos had access to a small island of the coast of Meridell which they
used as their headquarters. This is where they came up with the plan to take
over Neopia (see Figure A).
As you can plainly see (ignoring the Weewoos disastrous artwork) they plan
to take over all of Neopia and squish everyone my standing on top of Terror
Mountain. Yup...that’s exactly it. Do Weewoos look like bunnies? They look like
bunnies in there...huh...Guess they’ll never get into the Art Gallery with that.
There must be a person in charge of this all, right? Right. And this person
is not Sloth, Kanrik, Kass, Galem, or Blub. It is a Weewoo named Alaster. Alaster
Booboo. (Don’t make fun of his last name. He’s sensitive about it.) Below is
a “Weewoo Spy”’s sketch (so to speak) of Alaster (see figure B)
And that’s his good side. Not the prettiest of sights (well...not much of
a sight at all) Alaster has had what seems to be a disturbed childhood filled
with...erm...anguish and despair...yeah, let’s go with that. (Hey, I don’t have
much to work with here...not saying that this isn’t true or anything. The Weewoos
are just very secretive.) So, he has decided to gather his kind and make an
army to fight against all of Neopia. And destroy it. *cue scary music*
The hostile Weewoo takeover is separated into several different missions all
of which are drawn out by the Weewoos and the reenacted (minus the horrendous
drawings). The first mission has already been completed and the second one is
underway. Please be aware to be aware that you should be aware as these are
matters that you should be aware of.
Mission One has finished and this one was the longest. Take over the Neopian
Times. And that they have. Every article is scattered with Weewoo references,
every comic piled with sneaky Weewoos, and every story popping to the brim with
dangerous fiends (or the Weewoo). See Figure C for more details.
Bide time. Just sit back and relax. Let the Weewoo fad pass over. Let the Weewoo
be just another Petpet. Just another pet for your pet. Then attack. Then do
the hard stuff. Then attack the Neopian public with a wave of angry white puff
balls coming to DESTROY JOOO!!! *cough* See Figure D for more details.
And the invasion begins. They will take over forcefully. Masses of Weewoos
coming from all corners. Nibbling, kicking, and slapping. Very painful. And
you won’t be able to stop them. It would be impossible. Wave after wave they’d
make your skin burn. Then, a big Weewoo will step on you. They call this Weewoo
the dumpling. The big dumpling. See Figure E for more details. Don’t be scared.
It’s just a picture. But to be sure poke it...poke it a lot...but don’t rip
it. Just poke it...
And then the hostile takeover is over and the Weewoos rule casting all of
you as their slaves. And they will make you eat and eat and eat some more. And
then they’d eat you. Beware of the teeth!
Certain people are unfortunate to know first hand the dangers of the Weewoo.
I have caught up with them and was able to get the full story out of them. All
identities have been kept secret for privacy and because they would rather not
you...I mean people...bugging and pestering them.
“I came into a bit of cash and I decided to buy a White Weewoo for my pet.
No harm in that, right? I wish. So, I bought the Weewoo and when I got home
and showed it to my pet he was attracted immediately to his new Petpet. But
then...then...the Weewoo came up to my pet and...and...and...scratched him.
My pet wailed and the Weewoo laughed and...and...and...scratched him again.
OH! OH! OH! THE EVIL THING!”
“My Weewoo was acting funny...like it had come down with something. So, I made
him some soup and let him sleep in a small little bed I gave him. While I was
giving him the soup he jumped up and bit my nose. Ow...it hurt. And soup burnt
my hand but that’s not important. My nose...ow...I’m sad...”
The Final Say
And now that you have the evidence piled up you must face the facts. Kill the
Weewoos. Do not let them take over. Now they are...oh...no...they’re here. I
must mail this quickly. RUN! ALL WILL PERISH! DO NOT LET THEM...OH! OH NO! THEY
GOT IN. NO...DON’T GRAB THE LAMP. IT’S EXPENSIVE...NO...NOT THE LAMP...NO! NO!
NO! THE AREA RUG...IT’S RUINED. YOU’RE EVIL....EVILLLLL!
Eeep! This is Sirius. I’m wrong. This is what will really happen. Sorry for
all the inconvenience.