The SlothCo Secret Laboratory
Greetings and salutations! If you are reading this, you have just purchased a SlothCO brand Secret Laboratory map. Please read this manual, and all attached waivers and legal notices before using this fine product. If you do not, or cannot understand this, and other related manuals, waivers, and legal notices, discontinue use of this product.
WELCOME TO THE SECRET LABORATORY! Thank you for your purchase of our fine product. We hope you enjoy this product and continue to do so for years to come, because at SlothCO we build our products to last. As our gift to you, you will receive a one-time bonus of roughly 10,000 Neopoints. The Secret Laboratory is a room, accessed through purchase of nine individual pieces of a map, which will then guide you to the Laboratory, where you can select one of your pets to be zapped by the ray. Once the nine pieces of the map are turned in, you cannot retrieve them, so be certain of your actions before you begin.
Before you make use of this exciting new technology, please use one of these COMPLIMENTARY lab coats to protect your clothing from any minor explosions that are only to be expected with use of potentially dangerous experimental technology. We also ask you make use of our goggles, which protect your eyes from unexpected flashes of light that accompany use of the ray.
Now that you have taken all precautions necessary to protect your possessions from harm, we ask that you stand a minimum of ten yards back from the zapping zone, as we have no documented evidence that humans won’t mutate horribly from extended use of the aforementioned ray. If you or a loved one mutate horribly, please report to SlothCO’s company headquarters, located on Virtupets space station. Our team of trained experts will evaluate your unique situation, and we will do our best to prevent the mutation from spreading to other humans.
The Laboratory Ray does carry some side effects, including possible change of gender, species, and color. Pirate, Baby, Plushie, Usuki, Quiguki, and Royal have never been reported, but all other colors, including but not limited to Zombie, Desert, and Ghost have been recorded.
There are some colors that have been reported only through use of the Laboratory. These elusive colors consist of: alien (only currently available for Aishas), clay, chocolate, coconut, custard, garlic, ice, jelly (...), mallow (only currently available for Grundos), MSP (only currently available for Poogles) robot, snot, and sponge.
Limited edition pets, including but not limited to Chombies, Koi, Cybunnies, and Lutari, can result. Restricted pets, limited to Draiks and Krawks may result from use of the Laboratory, but only in very rare occasions. There are no species only available through the Laboratory.
Some non-physical effects, including loss or gain of strength, speed, defense, movement, or entire levels are quite common. Our Laboratory has patented NeverDie technology, and we guarantee your pet will never disappear or lose hit points. The Ray will not affect your pets’ fishing skill or intelligence.
As the Laboratory is completely random, you may see several changes in your pets in a week, or see little to no change. There are no times of day that improves your chances of receiving a rare pet, and no items that you can have in your inventory that change your outcome.
You will also note that at SlothCO, we have certain rules and regulations we expect anyone who chooses to patronize our fine Laboratory Ray to follow. We ask that you limit use of your Laboratory Ray to the account on which the Laboratory Ray map pieces were turned in. You may not adopt a friend’s pet and use the Laboratory Ray on him or her in hopes of achieving rare colours or species, and then return the pet. When you turned the Laboratory Map in, you signified your agreement to use the Laboratory Ray only on the account on which it was turned in. The Laboratory Ray may be purchased on side accounts, as long as the funds are raised on your main account.
You may, however, adopt random pets from the pound, and zap them, then re-pound them to improve their chances of finding a good home, as long as the service is done for free, and you do not in any way profit from it. The Secret Laboratory may not be used for monetary gain.
The Laboratory carries some risk of dependency, like any other intense medical procedure, and should not be taken by those who have no sense of humor or can’t appreciate erratic behavior.
Pets who frequent the ray often report a net gain in stats, slight headaches, temporary itching or oozing at zapping site, blurred vision, and slight nausea. But not really. Increased hair-growth is common, and owners say their pets’ coats become thicker, glossier, and more manageable. The Laboratory may be harmful if swallowed, and is for external use only. Keep out of contact with eyes. In case of contact with eyes, rinse gently and thoroughly with cool water every fifteen minutes. Report to the Neopian Hospital if burning, swelling, itchiness, or death occur, as these may be signs of a rare but serious side effect.
You may notice that your pets express apprehension before every use of the Laboratory Ray. This is a phase that all pets using the Laboratory Ray experience, and while it does not pass, it has no real effect on your pets' happiness. In the event you feel that your pet has truly been scarred for life, SlothCO has professional psychiatric care specialists on premises to help you to better understand the raging hormone-induced emotions being experienced by your pets.
SlothCO and all its subsidiaries, including TNT, take no responsibility for any damage done to you, your home, your pet(s), your belongings, or the belongings of any bystanders, especially squash. By reading this pamphlet, you have signified your acceptance of this and any other rules we decide to impose on you on a whim.
If you like this, please try our other products, including the Petpet Laboratory, Obedience Medallion, and our newest invention, the Robotification Zappermajig.
Search the Neopian Times
|Who Needs A Family?: Part One|
I had long since given up expecting them to keep me and therefore forsaken any hope of a family, eventually deciding that I was better off without one.