An Interview with the Altador Cup Players
Also by bolddrake
Sure, the Altador Cup is a fun time of year, especially when you’re in the stands, cheering for your favorite Yooyuball team. But wait a second, why is Babolino of Faerieland wearing a bandage? And what’s with that eye patch on Shenkuu player Foltaggio – isn’t he supposed to be a ninja? Plus, what’s the name of that crazy Techo over there in the audience, cheering so loudly you can barely hear yourself think? Well, wonder no more! When user bolddrake voiced these questions on the twentieth of the month of Relaxing, the two of us set out to answer them.
Please note, the intention of these questions is NOT to offend any teams, or make fun of any Yooyuballers. It’s just for fun!
Interviewer: As we all know, many players have retired from Yooyuballing over the years. Now, do those retired players sit in the stands and cheer on their old teams or boo them for getting cut?
Elbin Towse: Being a retired Faerieland Yooyuballer, I can safely say that all of us cheer our old teams on. Most of us retired of our own accord. As for the others, well, we don’t typically talk about them...
Interviewer: How did Babolino, Faerieland’s left forward, get that bandaid on his head? Was it a Kiko Lake joke?
Babolino: Well, fine, YOU try having a controlling older sister who once played on Kiko Lake! She made me wear it as a gag way back when, and ever since then it’s been my ‘thing,’ you know?
Interviewer: You’re related to a former Kiko Lake player?
Babolino: Yeah, Moni Vyshan [joined and left Kiko Lake in 2007]. What? Why ELSE would I be one of the only Yooyuballers who doesn’t have a last name listed?
Interviewer: Does that make all the Yooyuballers who don’t list their last names related?
Babolino: Can we move on?!
Interviewer: We’ve all heard of Zo Junior, the Korbat who plays centre forward for team Haunted Woods. But who is Zo Senior?
Zo Junior: Umm... well, let’s just say he’s the reason we keep gloves on while handling the Yooyus. Especially the fire ones.
Interviewer: If you were to give Zax Bannet, Moltara’s right defender, a high five, would your hands burn?
Zax Bannet: Well, we Moltara players hear a lot of jokes about that, but honestly, the color-related issues aren’t true. It’s just a really realistic paint job, is all.
[Shortly after he said this, he set fire to a lamp.]
Interviewer: Is Ilsa Ellits, Meridell’s centre defender, really related to Tarla?
Ilsa Ellits: If I say yes, will I be tackled by all those Neopians who are angry at Tarla because of her Tour of Mystery?
Interviewer: Why is team Mystery Island allowed to play while wearing all that jewelry?
Volgoth: It’s a trademark, of sort. We’ve learned how to play without it getting in the way.
Interviewer: Why does all of team Faerieland wear those belts?
Kakoni Worrill: By the time the committee got around to making our uniforms before the start of the first Altador Cup, they were looking to use up leftover material, and so all the slacks on the Faerieland uniforms are too big. And thus, we wear belts.
Interviewer: Why is Gordo Gunnels of team Roo Island the only player to wear a helmet?
Gordo Gunnels: To protect my head. Why else wear a helmet?
Interviewer: But why the spike?
Gordo Gunnels: Well, see, I enjoy the Battledome in the off-season, when we’re not training for Yooyuball. And I don’t want to buy a separate helmet for Yooyuball, so I wear the same one that I wear to the Battledome.
Interviewer: Why do no Krawk Island pirates have eye patches, yet the Shenkuu ninja Foltaggio has one?
Foltaggio: We were having a little argument outside the locker rooms about pirates versus ninjas, and finally Garven Hale [Krawk Island’s team captain and goalkeeper] got mad and forced the eye patch on me as a joke. I didn’t have time to take it off before the game started, and we won that game. Now I wear it as a sort of good-luck charm.
Interviewer: Why doesn't Tandrak Shaye, the Darigan Citadel’s right forward, tuck his shirt in?
Tandrak Shaye: Simple; it comes untucked during the game. I can’t be bothered to retuck it in while playing Yooyuball, so I don’t tuck it in at all now.
Interviewer: Does “Wizard” Windelle, captain of Meridell and also their centre forward, wear socks?
“Wizard” Windelle: Of course I wear socks! Why WOULDN’T I wear socks? I wouldn’t wear socks if I had a Meepit, which I don’t, and I wouldn’t have a Meepit anyway unless my brother gave it to me for Christmas as a joke and I didn’t know how to get rid of it. And it would have to be a Meepit that totally loves eating my socks, which it doesn’t. Or, it wouldn’t if I HAD a Meepit, anyway.
[Shortly afterwards, he was seen leaving the stadium with a small Meepit clinging to his leg.]
Interviewer: Why is Vere Polnicek the only member of Moltara to wear goggles?
Vere Polnicek: Well, Aldric Beign [Moltara’s team captain] and Tulah Kisner [right forward] both agree that goggles look cooler above the eyes, and the others don’t want them in the way. Personally, I’d rather not worry about stray fire Yooyus – or falling ash back home!
Interviewer: Why don’t teams Krawk Island, Mystery Island, and Tyrannia wear boots?
Garven Hale: Oh, that’s easy. It makes us look tougher if we go barefoot.
Interviewer: And what about teams Maraqua and Kiko Lake?
Elon Hughlis: Have you ever tried to put boots on when you don’t have FEET?
Interviewer: Is Poke Cellars of Kiko Lake a Brown Kiko or a Coconut Kiko?
Poke Cellars: If I get to be a Coconut Kiko, do I get to live in Jelly World, since neither Coconut Kikos nor Jelly World exist?
Interviewer: Who is more annoying, "Brains" Mortigan of team Haunted Woods, or Oten Runeu of Maraqua?
Oten Runeu: He is.
“Brains” Mortigan: He is.
Interviewer: Why did Erli Quinnock of Kiko Lake style her hair the same way as Helmo Timm, a retired Kiko Lake player?
Erli Quinnock: Easy. It’s a tribute to Helmo and his effort.
Interviewer: Are Mirsha Grelinek, Shenkuu’s team captain, and Derlyn Fonnet, Kreludor’s team captain, secretly related?
Mirsha Grelinek: No, she’s my evil clone. Courtesy of Virtupets cloning technology.
Derlyn Fonnet: If I was your evil clone, I wouldn’t be purple while you’re brown.
Mirsha Grelinek: They ran out of brown ink, I guess.
Interviewer: When team Maraqua faces team Roo Island, does Jair Tollet of Roo Island get criticized by her former teammates?
Jair Tollet: They mock me, as the other teams do – ‘Jair Toilet,’ and so on – but honestly, I think it’s friendly teasing.
Interviewer: What is the name of the Crazy Techo Fan?
Crazy Techo Fan: YAAAAAAAAY! GOOOOOOOO TEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And that’s all the time we have for today, I’m afraid. Do not tune in next week, because there is no next episode. Besides, Neovision got taken off the site a while ago anyway.
Thanks for reading!