There are ants in my Lucky Green Boots Circulation: 185,044,774 Issue: 492 | 29th day of Eating, Y13
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Ultimate Excitement: An Interview


by ingina3

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“Alright, honey, can we have the wishie pose again?” A very fat, very grey Skeith in sunglasses and a suit made his way to the stage. “Move,” he barked at me. “Shadow Seymour, coming through.”

A light faerie stood on the stage, a myriad of cameramen taking pictures of her.

“Alright, we got a good snap for your profile,” mused the Skeith. “Now the ad, please!”

The light faerie sighed. Then, as the camera rolled, she put on a fake accent and a girly smile and said, “Faerieland - A giant castle on the ground, full of games, puzzles, and faeries galore. Poogle Races take place every 15 minutes! Also check out the secret hidden tower... if you can find it!” With a wink and a giggle, she stepped off the platform.

“Your make-up is smudged, hon. Again,” ordered the Skeith.

“Look, Seymour, I appreciate the effort, but-”

“No buts!” snapped Seymour. “You need fans, so you need publicity. Again!”

“I have fans,” she grumbled. Then she saw me and her eyes lit up. “See...? Right over there!” She flew over to give me a hug. I was lost in a mass of golden hair and paper-thin, rustling, silky yellow wings. “My number one fan!” she giggled.

“Oh?” Shadow Seymour removed his sunglasses. “What’s her name, then?”

“Uh, she’s, uh...”

“Ingina, sir,” I interrupted. I straightened my favourite glasses. “Reporter for the Neopian Times. I’ve come to interview Protacia.” I gave Seymour a nervous smile. “We’re all... uh, big fans of hers.”

Seymour walked away, muttering, “Even the NT has gone commercial now...”

Protacia turned to me with a brilliant smile. “Thank you,” she said, pumping a full level of sincerity and enthusiasm into her voice, “Now would you be interested for a spin on the Wheel of Excitement? Only 500 NP a go!”

“Um, I actually want to interview you,” I replied.

“Oh,” she said. “Oh. Pardon me. Have a seat.”

I reclined into a Light Faerie Chair. I whipped out my Pink Stars Notepad and Quill Pen.

And so the interview began.

Me: So, we’ll go with an obvious one first. Do you like the Wheel of Excitement?

Protacia: No. I only agreed to the job because – cliché alert! – it seemed appealing at the time. Sunshine, laughter, colours, bright enthusiastic pets... they were all part of my job. Of course it’s nothing like that.

Me: What is it like, then?

Protacia: There’s sunshine, I can’t disagree with that! But the laughter is always mine, and it’s nearly always fake. As for the colours... *leans in confidentially* they’re so loud! The pets are all obsessed with the Neopoints and the prizes. SO annoying! They hate it when they don’t get a prize. That’s what this whole thing is about. *gestures at the cameras* Disappointed pets liking me again. *rolls eyes*

Me: You don’t think it could happen?

Protacia: Fyora, no! They spend 500 neopoints, only to get a stupid encouraging phrase? Even I wouldn’t like me!

Me: I see. Speaking of liking, I hear there’s a whole ‘I’m in this clique, you’re in that one’ scheme with the faeries.

Protacia: Rumours. *twirls hair* Spread by Xandra, of course. Still, there are faeries with condescending attitudes. No names, though, hon!

Me: Well, this next question requires some names. One name in particular: Delina. What’s her story?

Protacia: No one really knows except Illusen. She’s not letting on, because she says Delina’s a nice faerie, and no one needs to poke their noses in her business...

Me: How does Illusen know?

Protacia: Dunno. Probably some dark faerie connection.

Me: Dark faerie connection?! But Illusen hates Jhudora! They’re sworn enemies.

Protacia: Politics, hon.

Me: But you just said there wasn’t the whole hierarchy thing...

Protacia: There’s no hierarchy. But the faeries see no harm in gaining friends. It helps.

Me: o.O Okay... How does it help you?

Protacia: I can take breaks! See, right now, I’m talking with you, but so many Neopians are spinning while a friend says, “It looks like fun, right?! Click to spin the Wheel of Excitement!”

Me: Ah, I see. Well, enough talk about the Wheel. Let’s talk about, say... Faerieland crashing. How has it affected you?

Protacia: Pfft. Old news.

Me: Old? So why are you taking so long to repair it?

Protacia: Hey, we have magic, not superpowers! *sniffs haughtily* And the only quests Neopians actually like are Naia’s. But her items are so expensive, and her quests so rare, and her character so possessive, the only thing we get from her are tales about smiling pets, and how her job is the best, and those infuriating songs!

Me: You... er, don’t seem to like her.

Protacia: Yeah, no faerie does. Her and her ‘Molly had a little Babaa’. Hmph!

Me: You might be jealous.

At that point, the light faerie turned to me with a fire in her orange eyes, and a death threat on her golden lips.

Protacia: NO. And if this goes into the Times...

She let the threat hang in the air. I gulped, crossed my fingers, and nodded a shaky ‘Sure’. Oh, by the way, Protacia, if you’re reading this... no hard feelings, eh? Hehe... he?

Me: Right, sorry, wandered off topic there! *shuffles notecards* Okay, so, you light faeries can predict the future and stuff with trading cards and stuff, right?

Protacia: Oh, no. I can see where this is going...

Me: *surprised* Without a trading card? Oh, this is so cool!

Protacia: *facepalm* Look, if you’re not going to do something sensible, I should get going. Seymour will kill me.

Me: No, no, no, please don’t! Uh, here! Have some Orange and Mango Coffee! Ah, great. Skipping the future question, moving on to... Aha! Who is your best faerie friend?

Protacia: Marina. She’s so smart, and helpful, and she spends the whole day in the same spot, like me... *sigh* We visit each other sometimes. It’s really fun, because for a second she switch roles, and scare innocent passers-by. ;)

Me: Oooh, a dark side! See, this is what interviews are for!

Protacia: Hon, that isn’t even the beginning of my dark side. I’m a light faerie. There’s a dark faerie just waiting inside me...

Me: I’m pretty sure you’re joking. Moving on...

Seymour: PROTACIAAA!

Protacia: Catch you later, hon.

Me: Wait, one last question. Where does the money from the Wheel go?

Protacia: What do you think funds our prizes? *tosses hair and rises* Any profits go to charity.

Seymour: YOUU...!

Protacia: Coming! Bye, hon. Mwah!

With that, she spun stylishly and left.

So there you have it, Neopians. A whole bag of beans laid out flat for all to see. Who knows where the hunger for beans will take us next?

This is Ingina, signing out.

 
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