The Snowager: Misunderstood or Just Plain Evil?

Humph! My search of the knowledgeable Neopedia has only returned two articles. Oh well, better start trawling through the NT archives. Although one theory has popped into my crazy little head; the Snowager is sick and tired of money-hungry Neopians trespassing in its home, only to attempt to steal from the hoard of rare Neopian treasures that the icy creature has spent decades, centuries perhaps even millennia collecting.

So after visiting the Snowager’s icy lair (primarily to see how TNT has described it, but maybe to attempt to loot some treasure for myself), I analyse their description. Well, I guess it doesn’t seem too biased; however, it does suggest that the Snowager eats neopets. This is bad. The Neopedia article bearing the title ‘The Snowager’ is supporting those accusations as it tells of a brave, young Aisha who ventured into the condemned cave, never to be seen again. Oh. And the only other article is another story of a neopet being lost in the cave of a ferocious, heartless, beast. *sigh*

Although, I find it interesting that the Neopedia doesn’t contain any information about how the Snowager came upon all its treasure. Is it from the black market? Did the icy creature (which somewhat bears the resemblance of a Hissi) win the lottery? A scratch card from the yellow Wocky in Happy Valley? Stolen? The possibilities, noble or notorious, are endless.

IDEA! I could possibly create my own adventure to try and dig into the Snowager’s past! Adventure Generator, here I come *plays superhero music and flies into the sun*! Eh, that takes too much effort and frankly I don’t have the time. Oh well, I’m sure creating various different scenarios in my head and publishing them on one of my pet pages (or if I’m feeling lazy, here) will work too.

Anyway, that’s enough of my random thought processing, back to research. Aha! ‘Tis the Snowager’s naptime! Time for more ‘research’ methinks.

The Snowager awakes, looks straight at you... then moans and goes back to sleep. You were lucky!

So contrary to popular belief, it appears that the Snowager doesn’t just sit in its cave all day lying in wait for treasure-hunting neopets (and their owners) to blast for its own personal entertainment, nor does it relish the attacks. Maybe I made the last part up; I’m not exactly a ‘balanced’ journo. However, if the Snowager catches you attempting to steal from its vast hoard (not that I was trying to do that, I was purely researching for this article *shifty eyes*), there is definitely a possibility it won’t punish you. Now, isn’t that nice? It catches you trying to steal from it and simply lets you go!

Although it has been documented that the Snowager apparently “likes to eat neopets” it doesn’t even have a place in the gallery of evil! Surely it can’t be the malicious monster it seems to have been made out to be, if it has no place in the gallery of evil? Even Balthazar is featured in that thing, and the poor Lupe was clearly traumatised by those bullying faeries of his childhood and although what he does is morally repugnant, I do understand why he does it. LIGHTBULB MOMENT! Note to self: write a similar article on Balthazar.

Oopsies, looks like I went off topic again, it seems to have become a habit of mine. Seriously, every time I try to... GAH! I did it again! Anyway, I was going to say, if you were caught by say... Queen Fyora (you know, the one that’s placed on a pedestal and famed for her kindness and leniency) trying to steal a rare and expensive item (they’re all rare and expensive *rolls eyes*) from the Hidden Tower, you’d expect to be punished, right? Yes, I’m pretty certain that anyone who Fyora caught stealing from the Hidden Tower at any given time would be punished. With the fairly reasonable Snowager, however, there is a strong chance that if you are seen trying to steal from its hoard (which in itself is only an “if”), you won’t be punished. Unless, of course, you count a frosty glare as “punishment”, but to be honest, that’s no worse than a neo-school teacher shouting at you for talking. I don’t understand; if the poor, misunderstood, traumatised creature lets you simply walk away when you tried to steal its treasure (that neither belongs to you nor do you have any right to claim it as your own), then why is the Snowager portrayed as some notorious beast, who takes great pleasure in terrorising defenceless, harmless little Neopians for no good reason?

Face it, Neopia, the truth of the matter is neopets go to the Snowager’s cavern when they hope it has been lulled into a deep sleep so it becomes undisturbable so they may loot the lonely creature, who generally does no harm to Neopia and keeps to itself, its own business and its Terror Mountain dwelling. Yes, the Snowager does place fear into the hearts of Neopians everywhere, especially those who sleep within close proximity of the cave, but this is clearly not enough to deter you disgusting thieves from stealing its treasure, which is likely to be the result of much time, hard work and dedication.

Perhaps the Snowager is lonely, seeking a friend. Maybe it tries to be social, but you narrow-minded monsters take one look at its large icy face, cold narrow eyes and its more than impressive hoard of Neopian rarities, and run for your lives. Not that your lives would be at risk in the mouth of the cave, yet you still run. Imagine how that makes the Snowager feel. Imagine how you would feel, if everyone ran away from you. Lonely, depressed, rejected. Just some of the adjectives that come to mind regarding the Snowager’s emotional state.

My conclusion: although it is very tempting to steal from the seemingly evil Snowager (even I have fallen foul to these temptations on occasion), it is wrong to do so. In fact, by stealing from the infamous Snowager’s cave, you are degrading yourself to the level of someone like Hanso (pre-Brynn of course), the Meerca Brothers or even Stan the Kyrii! So next time you visit the Snowager’s Cave in the hope you may “earn” a few neopoints from it, just remember this article, and maybe your conscience will tell you to walk away.