Where there's a Weewoo, there's a way Circulation: 184,867,938 Issue: 488 | 1st day of Eating, Y13
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E-Z Brand's Experimenting Kits


by mypetsandi

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Greetings, sir or madam, I am here on the behalf of E-Z inc. hoping to convince you to try one of our many amazing products. E-Z offers a wide range of products bound to please every Neopian. Our exciting at-home experimenting kits are educative and fun, perfect for all those young curious Neopets. I will now show you our fascinating collection. You might want to stand back a little. Perfect.

1- E-Z® See Crystal Ball:

Our ingenious creators are always looking for new ways to please you, dear customer. That is why we created the E-Z® See Crystal Ball. Have you ever wondered what the future looked like? Have you ever wished you could see things before they happened? Haven't you ever wished you had predicted that certain accident you once had before it happened? Well, your wish has now come true. With the E-Z® See Crystal Ball, you can predict everything. From test answers to potential pranks that might be pulled on you, that surprise effect will never sneak upon you ever again. Only 100 NP a vision, our outstanding product of perfect quality is sure to leave you speechless. We are currently selling sample specimens because the E-Z® See Crystal Ball only lets you see three minutes into the future, but fear not, we will soon be fixing this unfortunate glitch and you will undoubtedly enjoy your new experimenting kit. If you wish to obtain the beta-tester copy, please contact the nearest E-Z shop. We are not responsible for ruined surprise birthday parties or pop quizzes. Use at risk.

2- E-Z® Brand Chemistry for Beginners® Cross-Promotional Play Set™:

On to our next product, the E-Z® Brand Chemistry for Beginners® Cross-Promotional Play Set™. Thanks to this kit, your little Neopet can now concoct the most colourful chemical compounds in his/her own laboratory (some people prefer to call it 'kitchen'). Every kit comes with a shiny new beaker, a couple of resistant flasks, a complete set of test tubes and a fine collection of chemicals including Neopium, Tyrannium, Slothite, Faeryllium, Krawkite, Kreludite and Maractite! That's right, your little Neopet can now mix these elements together and produce Maractofaeryllium Trislothite. And he/she will discover breathtaking phenomenons such as electrolysis, pyrolysis, chain reactions, combustion, effervescence, and coolest of all, funny colour changes! E-Z® Brand Chemistry for Beginners® Cross-Promotional Play Set™ isn't only meant for little Neopets; in fact, even Darigan Grarrls enjoy this mighty fine product, especially the brand new homemade chemical bomb feature we just added to the revamped kit. What are you waiting for? Order your personal E-Z® Brand Chemistry for Beginners® Cross-Promotional Play Set™ today. We are not responsible for any detonations, explosions, species/colour/gender changes, radiations and other unexpected events that might occur while using this product. Use at risk.

3- E-Z® Brand Acidifier Play Set™:

Now you can destroy anything right in the comfort of your cozy Neohome. With the E-Z® Brand Acidifier Play Set™ you can melt your troubles away. Open your kit and you will discover a plethora of powder sachets and special solution vials. Mix the right amount of powder with the right amount of solution, then drop the liquid into the Acidifier, and there you have it: your powerful homemade acid. Now you can dissolve almost everything! I find it enjoyable to use my homemade acid on vault locks, broccoli soups, bullies and soap. Using it on soap will generate a clear salty solution that can come in handy while planning a prank. For a limited time only, with every E-Z® Brand Acidifier Play Set™ you get a Completely Non-lethal Sandwich, so hurry and get yours today! And to clear things out, we are not a division of SlothCo.; they are one of our biggest customers, though, and that is because they enjoy our customer secrecy policy (but you didn't hear it from me). We are not responsible for dissolved front paws, hind paws or any other body part, as well as valuable possessions. Use at risk.

4- E-Z Brand My First Containment Field:

Is your Neopet a raging ball of hyperness? I have what you need, E-Z Brand My First Containment Field. This hi-tech device is to be used to contain excess energy. Using it on a sugar rushed Aisha will turn her into a lazy nonchalant Skeith. Thanks to the 10 containment options, you can store energy and use it again whenever you want. And it's not just Neopets, you can use your E-Z Brand My First Containment Field on whatever energy source you want. You can use it to suck out the energy from your Battle Magic items and then release it to power you cupcake baking pan (and vice versa). You can keep gathering energy from various sources for years and then blast the bugs from Swarm in one shot. Enjoy your endless supply of energy with E-Z Brand My First Containment Field. We are not responsible for sudden extreme temperature changes, loss of limbs, destruction of property, at-home supernovas and other incidents. Use at risk.

5- E-Z Brand Lockpicking Tools:

Our latest invention is the E-Z Brand Lockpicking Tools. Three stainless steel tools tucked neatly into an elegant leather pouch guarantee you a successful lockpicking every single time. No more getting caught in the midst of breaking into someone's Neohome. With the E-Z Brand Lockpicking Tools, lockpicking is swift and easy. We are currently working on a prison-breaking version, and on a building-on-fire version, but in the meantime try our general use version which features three tools with different uses. The first is a common key replica, or as I like to call it, "spare key". It can be used for opening easy locks, pretty much like a regular key. The second is referred to as the bolt puller, but I like to call it "reverse screwdriver". When the common key replica doesn't work, then you know that the lock is a little harder to break, so you use the bolt puller to remove the lock instead of opening it. When the lock refuses to surrender to your bolt puller, you will have to use the third tool, the metal bender. This tool is designed to twist the lock and break it, although you need a lot of energy to do it, that is why I recommend purchasing the E-Z Brand My First Containment Field first. We are not responsible for revenge seeking neighbors, escaped prisoners or stolen vaults. Use at risk.

And that wraps up the collection. I'm sure you are as mesmerized as I am by these cleverly designed experimenting kits. I'm sure this article will send our sales flying! So, how many E-Z® Brand Chemistry for Beginners® Cross-Promotional Play Sets™ would you like to purchase?

 
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