Sanity is forbidden Circulation: 184,258,786 Issue: 482 | 18th day of Awakening, Y13
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The Month of Awakening


by rck2002

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The Month of Sleeping has finally come to an end, so you know what that means? Yes! It is time to wake up for the Month of Awakening.

zzzzz

WAKE UP!

You know what REALLY helps wake me up in the morning? Looks like you need it to get through this article! The answer is Coffee. And so to celebrate the Month of Awakening I am writing a coffee review.

1: Cake Coffee

YUM! To make this, you need to mix "Chocopie" and "Coffee" at the Cooking Pot. As well as being delicious, this coffee also comes with cake to give you that extra awakening kick you might need to get you started in the morning. And it only costs around 550 NP (just in case you are too tired to go and mix it yourself).

2: Firey Coffee

Do you get bored of drinking coffee that is the same flavour? This coffee has lots of different spices to make it REALLY tasty and is really hot for those chilly mornings. This coffee should always be served in its flame-print mug as a warning to those who cannot take the super spicy hot taste. Costs around 850 NP.

3: Electric Coffee

The description of this item tells us, "This coffee is brewed with a jolt of electricity". Well, there is nothing like an electric shock to jump start you in the morning, is there? And this is quite literally what this coffee will do (don't worry, it is safe). Also comes in a very stylish mug. Costs around 1500 NP.

4: House Blend Coffee

Traditional and wonderful. Served in a lovely big cup with fresh almond biscuits, this coffee without any of the others' special effects is still perfect to wake up to. Only costs around 150 NP.

5: Herbal Coffee

Hmm, well, I would still prefer Herbal Tea if I’m honest. I don't think the mint leaves go well with coffee, but it is only a small cup so in small doses it isn't too bad. For its oddness and lack of popularity, this item costs around 6800 NP.

6: Ultra Strong Coffee

How tired are you? How much of a kick would you like? Drink this and I promise you that you will not sleep for a week. It is tasty, though! This is a Gourmet food and costs around 54,000 NP, which for health reasons is probably for the best. Drink this only if you are that desperate for a Gourmet Food trophy.

7: Orange and Mango Coffee

The description tells us, "Instead of milk, mango and orange juice have been used to produce a fruity alternative to plain old coffee." It's a healthy coffee and odd though it may sound, it really is delicious. The funny shaped large cup of it provides us with one of our five fruits and vegetables a day, which really is a wonderful way to wake up. Costs around 2200 NP.

8: Cheesy Coffee

Wow. The cup is edible too. How does the coffee not escape through the holes in the cheese, you ask? I don't know how, but it works. A meal and a drink in one and it actually tastes quite nice together! Costs around 350 NP.

9: Coconut Coffee

The coconut gives the coffee a delicious edge and it is really a great way to save on coffee cups. A little difficult without a handle but you can't have everything. This coffee costs around 9400 NP.

10: Festering Coffee

Ohh, frothy coffee! Eww, it's green! Yeah, it isn't nice, is it? Probably will get you up in the morning if only to make you ill. Sorry about that! Only costs 550 NP. It is a favourite among those that want to try and get out of doing something like Neoschool. Probably should cost more for health reasons like the Ultra Strong Coffee.

11: Jelly Coffee

Another coffee in an edible mug! They really do think of everything, don’t they? Especially if it saves having to wash up! Has anyone ever tried coffee flavoured jelly? Or jelly flavoured coffee? Which is this? I’m not sure but I know I like coffee and jelly, so I like this. Costs around 1500 NP.

12: Coffee and Marshmallows

The description tells us, “This is a fantastic bedtime treat or mid-day caffeine boost for your pet.” I disagree. If it has caffeine in it, you should NOT be drinking it before bed! Aside from that, it is a lovely little drink which comes in a small cup with a lovely marshmallow on top. I love marshmallows; they should be in every drink! Costs around 90 NP.

13: Islandberry Coffee

Has Islandberry Juice on top, what an original and lovely idea. A favourite of residents of Mystery Island, the berry taste really adds something special to this drink. Costs around 1500 NP.

14: Maraquan Blend Coffee

Don’t like your coffee very strong? Then this watery coffee is perfect for you. A favourite of the residents of Maraqua (obviously) and served in a really pretty coral covered cup. Costs around 8000 NP.

15: Pomegranate Coffee

The description tells us, “A few pomegranate seeds accidentally fell into the coffee grinder and all of a sudden we had a new coffee flavour.” Isn’t that just the best way to find a new recipe? They have promised to be more careful in future because it can be really good or really bad for non-coffee items to fall into the coffee grinder. This item costs around 1200 NP.

Questions and Answers

Q: What happens if I take all of these coffees and mix them into one and drink that?

A: You will explode into a cloud of dust (which will smell of coffee, of course) and come back as a Coffee bean.

Q: Will drinking Cheesy Coffee before bed give me nightmares?

A: If the coffee doesn’t keep you awake, the cheese will give you nightmares. Stop drinking coffee and eating cheese before bed.

Q: If a cake dropped into coffee makes Cake Coffee, how come dropping a biscuit into coffee doesn’t make a Biscuit Coffee?

A: Because it takes a special cake to make Cake Coffee (Chocopie) and there isn’t a special enough biscuit (yet). Also because some people say biscuit and some say cookie and some would want it to be a Cookie Coffee. Just no.

You awake now? Happy February, everybody!

 
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