Chet Flash wuz here Circulation: 182,995,662 Issue: 470 | 19th day of Storing, Y12
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series
 

A Zombie's Guide to Surviving Neopia


by ancientsecrets

--------

Do people scream in your presence? Are you randomly attacked by would-be-heroes on a daily basis? Do you find it hard to negotiate with other Neopians? Not sure why Tin Foil hats are so popular? Feel a little misunderstood? Or have you just become an undead and are having some difficulties adjusting? Then this article is for you.

My name is Uju Uju and I, my friends, am a fellow zombie. During my time as an undead member of society, I have struggled through endless misunderstandings about Zombies and our ilk. So today, I've decided to offer some advice to my fellow graveyard inhabitants that I've picked up during my several-100-year existence to deal with the day-to-day issues faced by Zombies. Here are my top tips for Zombies who wish to survive Neopia.

Falling Apart

This may seem quite obscure to the recent undead, but it is a manoeuvre I frequent. The idea is to simply fall apart. Yep... fall apart... lose a limb or two and collapse. Why? Well, if you're in pieces, you can't harm anyone, right? It is a simple way of alleviating a sticky situation. It works particularly well on would-be-heroes who decide you're one of the 'many' so-called-monsters they're out to defeat. You fall apart, they think they've defeated you. They move on, you put yourself back together. Easy, right?

Learning to Sew

Okay, the putting yourself back together isn't so easy. That's why I recommend taking up sewing lessons... What? You think Zombies don't sew? Why do we have all these stitches then, hrm? Sewing is quite a well-established Zombie pastime. We even like to show off our handiwork. Joining your local sewing class is also a great opportunity to make new friends from all over Neopia. I have some good Plushie friends thanks to my sewing classes.

Spend Time with Your Friends

Friends can be useful when you're a Zombie. Hanging out in a group often deters unpleasant encounters. Joining your fellow Zombies for a stroll often deters would-be-heroes from causing trouble. You can also hang out with other Neopians so you seem less frightening. Remember those Plushie Neopians from sewing class? If your neighbourhood gets used to you hanging around with a range of different Neopians, they will often accept you as their local zombie. You know every village has one.

The Cute Factor

Another useful idea to help other Neopians overcome their first perceptions of Zombies is to have something cute. Try a Prissy Miss Bow, collect plushies (or make them yourself), take up ballet, or just obtain a cute petpet such as an Angelpuss or Miamouse. I myself have a pink Niptor, who accompanies me everywhere. You may wonder exactly how this helps. Well, look at it this way. A Zombie by itself may seem rather scary, but with an Angelpuss it suddenly seems rather adorable. Of course, make sure you actually like the cute aspect you use. The main thing is to be yourself.

Zombie Etiquette

While groaning, moaning and gurgling is all a part of Zombie etiquette, it is often considered unnerving for other Neopians. Ensure all your friends become well versed in zombie traditions. This will help prevent misunderstandings. It is also advised you learn and consider other Neopian traditions, particularly when meeting new friends. As a side note, make sure your limbs are well stitched. Losing your arm when greeting a fellow Neopian does not make a good first impression.

Brains.... I Mean Food

Many people believe Zombies like to eat brains. In truth we are all unique and have different tastes. Some of us indeed like brains, others like jelly, petpets (you thought Roast Tentacle was from a squid?) or undead vegetables. I myself like slime, particularly Slimesicles. Yum. However, when it comes to other Neopians, I find letting them know you like tchea fruit or omelette will put their minds at rest. It's easier than trying to explain where jelly comes from.

Be Aware of the Signs

A good way to reduce problematic situations is to know the signs when one is about to occur. A Neopian pointing and screaming at you is a common indication to leave the area. The same applies for those wondering around with wooden swords. Also, if everyone around you appears to be wearing Tin Foil Hats, move to a different area even if they look amusing. Acting quickly in these circumstances can prevent further confusion between both parties. I would also like to note that real heroes aren't problematic. They can tell a friendly local Zombie from a Neopian menace any day.

Home Spooky Home

Of course, you can always just hang around the Haunted Woods. Here zombie traditions are the norm, and being undead won't raise a single eyebrow. You even get to celebrate Halloween all year round. Speaking of Halloween, it is also a great time to go travelling around Neopia. However, don't be surprised how everyone thinks your costume is absolutely amazing. It really is a Zombie's Christmas.

Write it down

The last thing I will recommend is noting these points down. I know after a few hundred years it is quite easy to start forgetting things. So note this down! Put it somewhere you will trip over it! Do this for all your important dates or things to do. Such as your shopping list, what grave plot you live in, when your owner's birthday is and... there was something else. Oww, oh and feed your petpet. Sorry, Montage. Let me finish up.

For those interested in learning more about Zombie traditions and fitting in around Neopia, I recommend reading the Zombie Handbook. It even comes with a spare hand... if you lose yours in a falling apart episode. I also recommend your owner and neofriends getting a copy to help everyone understand Zombies. For the more Neopians know about Zombies, the less misunderstandings there will be.

So there you go. I hope this will help my fellow Zombies out there. Neopia can be a challenging place, but we have the rest of our undead lives to explore it.

...Now where did I put those Niptor treats?

Written by uju_uju__62, the Zombie Pteri

Translated by Montage, the Pink Niptor.

 
Search the Neopian Times




Great stories!


---------

NeoQuest: Everything went better than expected
You are attacked!

by joel_hudson

---------

Say What?! [NC Mall Edition]
Looks like the NC Mall is a good thing after all!

Idea by brynnestar

by x_drey


---------

The Legend of the Brain Tree
Twilight had set over the Haunted Woods.

by jace_on_the_flip

---------

The Invasion of Meepits: Birthday
Who says Meepits can't cook up a plan of pure evil? Mwahaha! *meep*

by cynthia_fire



Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.