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Ob-Nox-ious Neohomes

by be2aware


Hello, and welcome to the hip, the stylish, all-that-is-1337 buffet! Here is where the most avid newspaper readers get their fill of what’s up and coming in today’s Neopian society. Fashion, glamour, and themed Neohomes! As our reporters were wandering Neopia, for quite a hefty salary, they heard a rumor. It was the buzz of the boards, and the topic to talk about. There was a new copycat in town! And who did the doppelganger ‘doppel’? None other than Hubrid Nox. Enticed by this discovery, we leapt into action. We are, as always, your number one Neohome source.

Castle Nox is an inspiration to everyone on this Hallows Eve. It’s the place to go, and many have spent hours inside, studying every aspect of those walls. What were they searching for? No one knows. Regardless, the interest can only mean one thing. It’s time for a Neohome makeover.

The first, completely original, aspect of the castle is its abundance of doors. No offence intended to Mr. Nox, but there are spookier doors than green, blue, and red. Try installing one of the various trapdoors first, to see what feels right. Steel has that ‘cool’ aspect, but wood is more stylish. Whatever fits best, that’s the one. We suggest stocking up on at least fifty trapdoors. Who knows when some stranger could try and sneak up on you?

Next, invest in some Petpets. Wadjets and Buzzers are the craze right now, credit belonging to our featured artist. You will rest easy with the comforting sound of intruders' screams in your ears. But if safety is your only concern, a Werhond or two will do just as well. For that added shriek when you wake up in the morning, try having a Zomutt around every corner. Any color will do, as long as it’s frightening. But truly, what could be more frightening than a zombie mutt?

Now, the staircases. There is a strict limit of one staircase per floor. If this is an inconvenience to some of the big spenders, we extend our sincerest apologies. But in hearing about this article, Hubrid only had this to say: “If it is easy for innocent people to escape, then it’s not my home.” Wise words, Mr. Nox. Indeed it would not be.

What type of staircases? Wooden is preferred because of their tendency to creak. Creaks are the harmony of the house, while the howls and shrieks of the victims – erm, the petpets – are the simple melody. For those of you who wish to be more flashy, however, the spiral staircase matches nicely with any steel trapdoors that may or may not be around.

On the subject of trapdoors, it is necessary to invest in some floor coverings. A stamp doormat is perfect for the inconspicuous hole beneath your feet. But for the comfort of your many petpets, a walking carpet rug may be in order. They love to snuggle down in the thick fur, only springing up when an unsuspecting visitor comes near.

Everyone who is anyone knows Hubrid’s secret hobby. Usuki collecting! It is best to run out and buy them right away. By the time you’ve finished reading this, most of them will already be decorating the homes of other avid fans. In case they are sold out, don’t worry. Just head on over to Castle Nox, and snatch one from the spare room. If you can get out alive, you deserve it.

Hubrid also has an affection for locks and keys. Scatter a few useless keys around the house. If the intruder doesn’t step on it, they’ll probably be entertained for the next few days by looking for the lock that the keys fit into. Just make sure it doesn’t actually open any doors. Otherwise, they might escape. And the goal here is to keep them amazed for as long as possible.

Your personalized ob-Nox-ious Neohome is almost complete! If you have wooden or stone walls, it may even look like the real deal. But without a few traps, you’ll never be better than a two-bit wannabe. Start off with a few nets, to stall them for a moment. Most of us are unable to control black holes or skeletons and skulls, so we’ll have to stick to the basics. Some shocking spark-plugs can excite your visitors for a while, and spears shooting from wall to wall are sure to keep their heart pumping. If you want to be really cruel, throw in a Hissi finger trap. They’ll never escape. Bwahahahahaha!

Another limited decoration: doors. Anyone wandering the halls of Castle Nox would be hard-pressed to discover an entrance or an exit. The limiting factor: one. If you didn’t need them to get in, we’d say none. But as it is, just select the finest, most horrific portal you can find. Border it with two spooky windows, and voila. The best entryway is a simple one.

There’s just one more addition needed to your home. Each room must have a hole in the floor, perfect for a peg to rest in. We aren’t sure exactly what was going through Mr. Nox’s mind at this point. Sprained ankles just don’t seem evil enough in the long run. But he is the master, and if someone believes he is worth doubling, then it must be so. Who are we to judge the fads of Neopian society.

If you’ve been following this guide, then you now have a customized castle of your own design. Congratulations! But how do you know if it’s as good as the original? First of all, pay attention to your visitors. If King Altador shows up with a mysterious Desert lord, a street urchin, and Brightvale’s finest guards, then don’t change a thing. However, if Acaras start to stroll in tonight in their skeleton costumes and shout “Trick-or-treat!” then maybe this isn’t the design for you. If that’s the case, we suggest you take out all the trap doors and petpets, throw in some paper lanterns, and start handing out candy to the neighbors.

Thank you for taking the time to read our guide. Remember, if one person is mimicking Hubrid Nox, then he’s obviously the ‘it’ factor. Spooky is in fashion this Halloween!

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