Neoschool Hot Lunch: What's in the __________?

Hot Lunch Issue #1: What IS that? – I'll use one of my pets as an example. Maybelle the blue Uni walks up to the front counter and asks, "May I have some lunch?"

The blue Yurble lunch lady says, "Sure," and gives Maybelle a pile of who knows what.

"What is this?" Maybelle asks.

The lunch lady shrugs and says, "Beats me. I'm just being paid to throw it on your tray."

Would you eat whatever the lunch lady has just given you? Probably not. With that, you can probably figure out that Maybelle goes hungry that day.

Hot Lunch Issue #2: How long has the *insert dish name here* been in this kitchen? – Again, I'll use one of my pets as an example. Cinn the purple Wocky grabs a carton of milk, a sandwich, and some salad. When he sits down and puts his straw in the milk, it does not feel or smell like milk at all and half of his salad is brown. What the heck is that thing growing on his sandwich? No lunch for Cinn today.

Hot Lunch Issue #3: What is this made of? – Okay, you know the drill for examples. Butterscotch the yellow Gelert picks up some salad with her fork that makes a squeaky noise. The same thing happens when he rubs it together. Now that you mention it, the lettuce is a little see through. Why is it floppy when he shakes it? If Butterscotch wanted to eat rubber, he could have picked lunch out of a toybox.

Hot Lunch Issue #4: You know what it's made of but you wish you didn't – Do I need to explain the drill? Lem the yellow Aisha is a lunch helper this week and walks up to the counter. She sees the lunch lady smashing up some grackle bug on a stick and mixing it with some Skeith juice cocktail.

"Lem, there you are." The red Grarrl smiles. "Now, here's the hamburger meat. Just put this between the buns and set it down on the counter over there, okay?"

Lem accepts a bowl full of whatever had just been going on with the lunch lady. There is no way she is buying lunch today.

Hot Lunch Issue #5: Oops! – Okay, you know what's next. Maybelle gets a perfectly normal lunch for once. She smiles and heads out of the lunch room when she trips over a rock. Her lunch goes flying and lands in the mud. When she goes back, the lunch lady says, "I'm sorry, but unless you have money I can't give you lunch."

And she was so close, too!

Hot Lunch Issue #6: Mean lunch lady – Lem is expected to serve a different main course today – a bag of crisps and a can of pudding. She decides that gloves are now worthless and tosses them aside. When a school bully comes up, she yells, "EW! I don't want those crisps now that you've touched them!"

The lunch lady comes rushing to the scene. Sure enough, Lem's fins are bare.

"YOU NEED TO WEAR GLOVES!" the lady yells.

"I'm serving a bag of crisps and a can of pudding – they're perfectly sealed," Lem explains.

"GLOVES!" the lady yells.

Lem puts on her gloves again. The next day, she is serving food at the snack line. She puts on some gloves.

"YOU JUST WASTED GLOVES!" the lady yells. "You don't need gloves to serve snacks!"

"I did yesterday," Lem explains.

The lunch lady growls and I am forced to report her to the principal like any responsible owner would. However, if your principal gives in with a Puppyblew face and is very gullible (like ours), there will be no luck.

Hot Lunch Issue #7: Out of Food – Again, the same drill. Cinn KNOWS that today is Pizza Day and all the food will have been delivered from Pizzaroo that morning. However, when he finally gets past the lunch line that goes out the door, through the courtyard, and end just outside the office, he walks up to the counter.

"One cheese pizza, please," Cinn says, his mouth watering at the thought of something edible.

"I'm sorry," says the lunch lady, "but we're all out. Here, you can have some of this stuff that was served yesterday."

On Cinn's plate, instead of the desired pizza, is a pile of who knows what and – EWW, something just MOVED in it! No lunch for Cinn today.

Hot Lunch Issue #8: Long Line – You know the drill! Butterscotch finally believes that the food they're serving is edible. He stands in the line that is as long as the line on Pizza Day. He's getting closer to the cafeteria door when all of a sudden...

BBBBBBRRRRRRIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGG!!!!

The bell for the pets to return to class has rung and Butterscotch goes hungry for the rest of the day.

Now, I see you holding your bag of lunch money that you were about to give to your pets. After reading this article, I can guarantee that the bag of Neopoints is going back into your wallet and in your pets' backpacks is a lunch box stocked with a nutritious and EDIBLE lunch. Thank you for devoting your time to this article and if I EVER see an owner handing lunch money to their pets after reading this, the cafeteria food will be reported to the Chia Police so HOPEFULLY they will start serving something edible.