Finding Satori

      She was alone, tired. It was raining and cold. She wanted to go home. But where was home? The streets were crowded as neopets tried to make it home before getting completely drenched. She wished that one of them would stop and offer her a place to stay, or at least acknowledge her. But, as always, they didn’t. Then, in the distance, she noticed something unusual. They were shadows. They were moving. Moving toward her. They were all black, except for the very tip of one of their tails which was white. They were the Xweetoks that drove her from her home. And now they were coming for her...

      She shot straight up, stifling a scream. It was just a nightmare. The same nightmare that had been stalking her for months. She got up to stretch her legs. She walked around Shenkuu until she arrived at the base of one of the tallest mountains. At the top, she knew, was a training school where gifted neopets were sent to learn the ways of martial arts and be the next Shenkuu elite force. If only she was not so small and weak. She sighed and began to walk away.

      “Where you going, gaijin?” a voice called from behind her. They used a term that meant outsider. It was extremely offensive. She turned around. There, towering above her was a group of Kougras. They were students of the elite school. The one that had spoken was an orange one with a blue-belt. There were two others, a green one and a red one. They were both wearing orange-belts. The red one yelled at her, “Hey! He asked you a question, gaijin!” When again she didn’t respond the orange Kougra got mad and pushed her down.

      “Get up and fight, gaijin!”

      She was about to yell something back when a red Nimmo came shooting out of nowhere. “Raiden, that’s enough!” he shouted at the orange Kougra. “Now, you go back to the school. That means you too, Kazuki and Emi!” He indicated to the red and green Kougras respectively. The three of them ran off to the temple. “And you, young one,” he said, helping her up, “what is your name?” Her name.

      “I used to have a name, a long time ago, but I don’t really remember it,” she sullenly explained. He told her to come with him. He explained that his name was Zazen and he was a sensei, or teacher, at the elite school. He helped her with the long, steep climb up the mountain trail. Along the way he explained what would happen to her.

      “You will be enrolled in the school of the elite. I know it’s probably not what you had in mind, but it will give you a place to live. You won’t be taught with the other students because they are much bigger, stronger, and older than you. However, I will take you in as my own student. I will be your private teacher. You will live with me. Now, could you explain how you got here in the first place?”

      She explained to Zazen about how she used to live in Altador, but the band of Xweetoks drove her relentlessly north through the mountains until she had finally reached Shenkuu. She explained how she had lived on the streets since then.

      Zazen led her up into the temple. There were several rooms that they passed where several sensei were teaching different students. In each room, the students were all wearing white uniforms, but each group had a different belt color. She wondered what Raiden, Kazuki, and Emi’s sensei would do to them for being late. They went up a rather long and steep flight of stairs to a door with the words Sensei Zazen-sama written on it. He led her to a place where she could stay until he came back for her later. After he left, she looked around the room that was to be hers for the next who knows how long. At least it’s warm in here, she thought.

      The next morning, Zazen woke her up before dawn. “Here, put this on.” He gave her one of the white uniforms that she’d seen the other students wearing the day before along with a white-belt. She put on the uniform, Zazen called it a gi, and he showed her how to tie the belt. He then led her down to a hall with the other students. She went to kneel with several other neopets wearing brand new gi. Before breakfast began, Zazen introduced the new students, including a certain blue Ogrin. Then, some of the other sensei called a few of their students up and they all received new colored belts.

      That afternoon, Zazen was trying to help her find her martial strength. He had tried hand-to-hand combat, sword training, and even archery. There was only one thing left.

      “Medi-what?” she asked.

      Zazen laughed, “Meditation, or zazen. It’s spiritual.” He sat down with his legs crossed, his hands folded, and his eyes half closed. He slowed his breathing. She tried to do the same.

      “Now, you must clear your mind.” He didn’t look at her. She tried to clear her mind, but she couldn’t. Every time she pushed away one thought, another came to take its place. There was one thought, however, that she couldn’t push away. The white-tailed Xweetoks. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t. “If you can succeed at this, then you can find true satori, enlightenment.”

      For the next week, she tried to practice her meditation twice a day. She was getting better at pushing her thoughts away, but she couldn’t find satori. Maybe she was truly hopeless. Once, her thoughts drifted to why Zazen hadn’t given her a name. And, didn’t he say that his name literally was ‘meditation’? Maybe she wasn’t worthy of a name. Maybe she was supposed to earn it. But, if you don’t have a name, what does that make you? Are you really you? But who are you, if you can’t identify yourself? Who was she? Was she trying to find satori, or was she trying to find herself?

      A few days later, she decided to bring the subject up to Zazen, “Why don’t I have a name?” she asked.

      “Well,” he paused, “because I don’t know what to call you.”

      “But, if I don’t have a name, who am I?” She still didn’t understand.

      “You are you. You stick up for yourself and your beliefs. That’s all that matters.”

      That night, she decided to meditate on the matter. She sat down with her legs crossed, her hands folded, and her eyes half closed. She slowed her breathing. She pushed away all of her thoughts, with the Xweetoks lingering a little longer than they should before finally being forgotten. Her mind was now open for answers. She sat there, perfectly still, for twenty minutes. Thirty minutes. An hour. Two.

      Zazen came in. He did his best not to disturb her. He watched her.

      After over three hours, she was starting to believe she should give up. But she still sat there, searching for an answer. Then, it came to her. She knew what her name was. She opened her eyes, looked at Zazen, and smiled.

      “Satori,” they both said together. She had found satori. Satori had found herself.

The End