The Yellow Paper Airplane Show
[Setting: a small room, some kind of studio. At the side of the room across from the camera is a wooden table, at which sit a Blue Aisha and his owner. Their name tags read KALIIOX for the Aisha and BOREALIS for his owner. At the side of the room are five wooden desks and chairs. The desks have nametags on them: LEY, in front of an Island Acara; SCREN, in front of a Blue Lupe; QAF, in front of a Desert Ruki; CAN, in front of a Green Koi; and JASMINE, in front of an empty desk.]
BOREALIS: Hello and welcome to the Yellow Paper Airplane Show!
LEY [muttering]: Yellow paper airplane...?
BOREALIS: Yes. Yellow paper airplane. See, when I was trying to come up with a name for this show, I got a Dark Faerie Quest for a Yellow Paper Airplane. So I named the show "The Yellow Paper Airplane Show." Anyway, the Yellow Paper Airplane Show is a game show--a trivia show. I'm Borealis, the judge, and this is Kaliiox. He's our fact-checker. Our contestants today are... well, let's have the contestants introduce themselves! Contestants! Talk!
LEY [looking rather confused]: Hi, I'm Ley. These are my brothers, Scren, Qaf, and Can.
QAF: How did we get sucked into this?
LEY: Hush, Qaf.
[Can edges away from Scren.]
CAN [looking at the camera]: ... I'm adopted. [looks at Ley] Not that I'm ashamed of my siblings or anything. But Scren... and Qaf...
QAF: Shut up.
[Scren scribbles on a piece of paper. There is a long silence; Borealis seems to be waiting for something. A mumble comes from behind the camera.]
BOREALIS: What do you mean, that's everyone? Where's Jasmine?
KALIIOX: She sent a Neomail.
[Kaliiox hands a paper to Borealis. Borealis reads it.]
BOREALIS: "I wouldn't be caught dead on your dumb show..."? Well, that's just--
[Another mumble comes from behind the camera.]
BOREALIS: Oh, right. Forgot to introduce you. Everyone, this is Neon, our camera-Shoyru. For some reason when he's on camera everything he says comes out as a mumble. Not sure why. Anyway, now we need a fifth contestant. Anyone have any ideas?
LEY: Could Neon join the show?
QAF: Oh, yeah, that'd be great. What's he going to do, mumble all his answers?
NEON: [angry mumbling]
QAF: Really, that'd be great--
LEY: Qaf, hush!
BOREALIS: No, that won't work--sorry, Neon. Hmm. Well, we could always drag Jasmine on... or get Chlanga... no, I have a better idea! Kelsedor!
NEON: [questioning mumble]
BOREALIS: No, she isn't insane. There's just... two of them in one body.
BOREALIS: Okay, Kelse is a little violent. But Edor's perfectly nice!
LEY: Borealis, I don't think Kelsedor is the best choice for a fifth contestant. Maybe Rainy could do it?
BOREALIS: ... if I can't get Jasmine on the show, do you really think I can keep Rainy here? Ooh, I know! How about Imiya?
QAF, LEY, and CAN [together]: Who?
KALIIOX: Imiya is the Aisha from Maths Nightmare.
BOREALIS: She should fit perfectly on a trivia show! And she's a celebrity!
QAF: If Imiya is a celebrity, I'm the prince of Sakhmet.
BOREALIS: Oh, good, you can give me a tour of the palace.
LEY: Uh, Borealis--how were you going to get Imiya on here?
BOREALIS: I'll write her a Neomail! I'll tell her that there will be absolutely no Babaas present. And no alarm clocks. And if that fails, I'll kidnap her.
LEY: Oh dear.
[Borealis writes and sends a Neomail. Soon a reply appears.]
BOREALIS [reading aloud from Imiya's Neomail]: "Will come at soonest opportunity. Hope security system is good. Babaas following me." Well, that's a problem solved!
QAF: I wonder how far away "soonest opportunity" is.
[He does not have to wonder long: a White Aisha hurries into the room.]
IMIYA: Are they gone?
BOREALIS: Yep! No Babaas.
IMIYA: Oh, good.
[Imiya sits down at the empty desk.]
BOREALIS: Oh, right. We can't have the nametag reading Jasmine. Watch this!
[Borealis pulls out a large silver remote control.]
LEY: Borealis... what is that?
BOREALIS: It's a remote control!
LEY: And what does it control?
BOREALIS: The show!
[Borealis presses several buttons. The word "Jasmine" on the nametag disappears, replaced by... some unreadable symbols.]
BOREALIS: Ah. Maybe I should have gotten the English version... but this one was so much cheaper...
LEY: Why don't we start with the questions?
BOREALIS: Good idea! The first question is... what is the name of the Kiko in Tubular Kiko Racing?
QAF: Who knows that?
BOREALIS: I do. And Kaliiox does.
IMIYA: It's Kavi.
QAF: How do you know that?
IMIYA: A lot of Neopets from games get together when they have time off. Kavi's pretty nice.
BOREALIS: Right! One point to Imiya for knowing the correct answer and one point from Qaf for being rude!
QAF: What! You never said--
BOREALIS: I don't have to, I'm the host and I win because I have a shiny remote control. Arguing with me loses you another point.
[Qaf looks like he wants to argue but confines it to glaring at Borealis.]
BOREALIS: So, the standings are currently... Imiya is in first place, with one point. Ley, Can, and Scren are tied for second with zero points. And Qaf is in last with negative two points. Next question. Which petpet one the PPL award on May 13th, 2010?
BOREALIS: That's right. Er, one point to Scren.
[Scren does not appear to realize that he has been given a point.]
BOREALIS: So now Scren's tied with Imiya for first place. Next question: when is Tyrannian Victory Day?
LEY: It's May 12th?
BOREALIS: Right! One point to Ley! Three-way tie for first, now, Ley, Scren, and Imiya with one point. Fourth is Can with zero. Last is Qaf with negative two.
QAF: This show is unfair.
BOREALIS: Be quiet or I'll take another point from you. Who's the Shopkeeper at Darigan Toys?
QAF: Lord Darigan.
CAN: Uh, a Darigan Lupe?
BOREALIS: Also incorrect, but you get a point 'cause you're cool.
QAF: That's totally unfair! You didn't give me a point!
BOREALIS: You're not cool.
QAF: Am too!
BOREALIS [in an extremely whiny voice]: Are not!
LEY: Oh, Fyora. Borealis!
LEY: It's a Darigan Moehog.
BOREALIS: Right. Point to Ley. Ley's now in first with two points. Imiya, Scren, and Can are tied for second with one point each. And Qaf's in last with negative two points. Next question. What species is the petpet who works the Petpet Lab Ray?
CAN: It's a Kookith.
BOREALIS: Correct. Ley and Can are tied for first...
IMIYA: Why do you repeat the standings every time someone gets a point?
BOREALIS: 'Cause if I don't, I'll forget them. Where is Jelly World located?
IMIYA: Jelly World doesn't exist!
BOREALIS: Not the answer I'm looking for but I'll give you a pity point.
QAF: That's the right answer! How can it not be the answer you're looking for?
BOREALIS: Don't speak out of turn. Ley?
LEY: Uh... nowhere?
BOREALIS: Correct! Standings are: Ley in first with three points, Imiya and Can tied for second with two points, Scren fourth with one point, and Qaf fifth with negative two points. Who is the Aisha princess of the Lost Desert?
BOREALIS: Wait to be called on. Scren?
SCREN: Scritchy Sketchy...
BOREALIS: Er, no.
QAF: I already said the answer! This is ridiculous!
BOREALIS: Quiet, Qaf.
QAF: But you never had anyone else wait to be called on!
BOREALIS: I don't like you; you talk too much and you're mean to Can.
QAF: That's because he's a pathetic lab rat fish who can't even walk!
CAN: Hey! I can't help my species!
LEY: Stop it, Qaf.
IMIYA: Uh, Borealis?
IMIYA: Is it Amira?
BOREALIS: Yep. You get a point. What're the standings now, Kaliiox?
KALIIOX: First place: Ley and Imiya with three points each. Third place: Can with two points. Fourth place: Scren with one point. Fifth place: Qaf with negative two points.
QAF: Let me list the standings the way they'd be if this were a fair game. Imiya'd have one point. I'd have one point. Ley'd have three points still. Can'd have one point. Scren'd have one point.
BOREALIS: Qaf, be quiet or I'll gag you.
QAF: Go ahead! It's not like you're going to let me answer any questions anyway!
[Borealis presses a button on her remote control. Balloons drop from the ceiling over Qaf's desk and a loudspeaker shouts some gibberish that probably means "You won!" in some alien language.]
BOREALIS: Drat. Knew I should've gotten the English one.
QAF [leaning back in his chair]: Nice job.
[Borealis presses another button and a blue gag appears over Qaf's mouth.]
QAF: [muffled sounds]
BOREALIS: What? I like him better this way.
CAN: ... actually, so do I.
BOREALIS: Come on, Ley, I'll take it off after the show.
[Qaf pulls the gag off and glares at Borealis.]
QAF: I have hands, idiot.
BOREALIS: Next time I'll tie you to the chair, then. But it took you a while to figure that out, didn't it?
IMIYA: Maybe we should go on to the next question now.
BOREALIS: All right. The next question is... name at least two Halloween pets that are dressed up as witches.
QAF: That's not a question.
BOREALIS: Don't be snotty.
QAF: You're snotty.
BOREALIS: You lose a point.
IMIYA: Peophin and... er... Ixi?
BOREALIS: Peophin is correct, Ixi isn't, so you get half a point. Whoever can guess the other one gets a full point!
BOREALIS: Correct! What are the standings now?
KALIIOX: First place: Imiya with three-point-five points. Second place: Ley with three points. Third place: Can and Scren with two points each. Fifth place: Qaf with negative three points.
LEY: Borealis, this show's running pretty long and I don't want to walk home through Darigan Citadel in the dark. Could we wrap it up?
BOREALIS: Okay, one more question. Who does the chef on Mystery Island serve?
LEY: Mumbo Pango.
BOREALIS: Okay! Let's see who wins.
KALIIOX: Ley is now in first with four points.
[Borealis presses a button on her remote and balloons fall from the ceiling above Ley's desk. A banner covered with unreadable symbols drops into place behind Borealis and Kaliiox's table.]
BOREALIS: Congratulations, Ley! You get... uh... Kaliiox, what are the prizes?
KALIIOX: You didn't get any prizes.
LEY: It's okay, I don't need a prize.
BOREALIS: No, you do. Here, have this Slice of Neopets 7th Birthday Cake that was in my inventory.
[Borealis presses a button and the cake appears on Ley's desk. She picks it up, getting chocolate frosting all over her hands.]
LEY: Uh, thanks.
BOREALIS: Who's second place, Kaliiox?
KALIIOX: Imiya. Three and a half points.
BOREALIS: Congratulations, Imiya! You get... a Clown Chia Pencil!
[Borealis presses a button and the pencil appears on Imiya's desk.]
IMIYA: ... is this some kind of sick joke? Am I supposed to do math problems with this?
[Imiya bursts into tears and runs from the room.]
BOREALIS: Uh, oops. Well, Kaliiox, who's next?
KALIIOX: Scren and Can are tied for third place with two points each.
BOREALIS: Right! Scren, you get this Mayonnaise Filled Chocolate. Can, have a Queela Crisp.
[Borealis presses two more buttons and the items appear on the desks. Scren does not seem to notice that he has been given a prize. Can tries to eat the Queela Crisp, but is unable to pick it up with his fins.]
BOREALIS: All right, that'll be all. Good night, everyone!
QAF: It's mid-afternoon. And I didn't get a prize.
BOREALIS: You lost. Losers don't get prizes.
QAF: Oh, so that's why you didn't get one.
BOREALIS: Here's your prize!
[Borealis presses a button and a swarm of Babaas appears in the room.]
BOREALIS: Oh. Not what I meant to do, but... okay. Good thing Imiya's gone. Neon, you can shut off the camera now.
Inspired by The Meepit Show by spoonguardonline.