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Why Everyone Should Loiter Around Rubbish

by preencessno


Part One: The Discovery

Meridell Rubbish Dump. Before today, my biggest find there was a solitary puddle of gravy. Now, I am not knocking gravy – such a thing leads to horrendous carpet stains – but it wasn't exactly the most thrilling find ever. I occasionally popped back after that, since gravy is delicious, but my find was never repeated. Then today Flow (xxflowerxpowerxx) said on the Neoboards that better stuff turns up if more people are visiting the Rubbish Dump and suggested a load of us loiter around the Rubbish Dump in hopes of getting some cool free stuff.

Well, I was sceptical, but I like free stuff. So I visited the dump with a bunch of other people, since scavenging works best in a group (let the others get dirty, then jump in when you see something good!) and because I have no shame. And what happened?

There was stuff there.

I know! Stuff at the Meridell Rubbish Dump! Suddenly, passing faeries were splashing gravy everywhere, cardboard boxes were piled up around us, dung could be grabbed from every angle – and even some Old Croutons! Somebody Mysterious (perhaps TARLA?) even chipped in with a bit of barbed wire! It was a veritable festival of giving. Oh, and someone grabbed a healing potion worth 10k.

Best of all – it turns out that there is a Dung Faerie. I know, right? You thought it was your smelly Neopets creating the delightful material for your Dung Wardrobe, when all along it was some poor, under-appreciated faerie. We should give her her own special day. Just imagine – we could make new dung treats, give out dung to our friends without offending them, throw dung from the sky. Maybe we should even make a statue in her honour!

(Note to self: if anyone is foolish enough to actually do that, make plans to go visit Kreludor for that day.)

From time to time, the dump would run dry – probably because everyone was off chasing that Tarla, with her fancy-schmancy non-dung-tainted items and mist. But I persevered. If I refreshed enough, maybe I could grab some of that gravy!

Because yes, there is a downside to how the dump seems to work. Every time I tried to grab Farmer Ted's delicious croutons, someone else got there first. Every time the Dung Faerie blessed us with another pile of dung, someone else got there first. There were reports of valuable items on the boards – but I never even got to see them. With more people comes more competition. More people trying to get my gravy.

(I did, eventually, manage to grab a Squished Tomato, but I'm not sure that's much of a boon. It's certainly no delicious gravy!)

I tried and I tried to get gravy. I even tried to pick up gravy donated by the Dung Faerie, and I hope I don't need to tell you all how dangerous and foolish that was. Anything I saw – excluding that delightful squished tomato – was snatched up in milliseconds. And that was when there were items up for grabs. Most of the time, the best that happened was that smug Kacheek informing me that “There isn't anything here”. And yet he stands in front of a big pile of... of... stuff! Wonderful, wonderful stuff!

I'm onto you, Kacheek. You get first dibs on all the gravy, don't you?

It seemed like there would be no gravy for me.

Part Two: The Sneaky Way to Get Gravy!

The way to get the people of Meridell to show their generosity was to trick them into thinking that a huge number of visitors had come to visit the dump. The more people at the dump, the more items on offer and the better the items get. The solution was clear. I needed to summon my army.

...then I remembered I hadn't formed an army yet. (Please Neomail your applications. Applicants must be fine with committing minor to unthinkable acts of evil.)

So, it was time to get the next best thing. Gnomes.

The people of Meridell aren't too bright. Plant a few gnomes around them in the street and they start having a conversation with them. The conversation is a bit dull, granted, but they are so unaccustomed to out-of-towners that they don't think it's odd that their new, red-hatted friends are a bit stiff and quiet. And so I invested. I bought about a hundred Plastic Gnome Figures (as I am nothing if not poor) and placed them strategically around the dump.

For a few minutes, I thought I had gone to gravy heaven. I was swimming in a gravy river. It had some lumps of dung floating in it, sure, but so does the soup in the Soup Kitchen. In Neopia, you learn not to be too picky. I certainly had. And now? Everything was gravy.

I should have known that all good things come to an end. Illusen heard about the number of people congregating at the dump and came down to welcome them all to Meridell. At least, that's her story. Personally, I'm fairly sure she was going to try convince them to do her quests. But regardless of her intentions, she came. She saw. And she was not amused.

Apparently, using gnomes to trick ignorant farm hands into giving away junk is “foul” and “cruel”. She saw fit to chase me out of Meridell. Hmph. As if I wanted their smelly gravy anyway.

Part Three: The Way to Get Gravy Which Won't Annoy Illusen

You still want their stinky gravy? Fine. The best way is probably to mail your Neofriends and have a Rubbish Dump party. You can all merrily message each other, comparing notes on who got the most dung. Maybe one of you will even get something with a resale value of over 1NP. Maybe King Skarl will donate some Old Croutons to you. Or perhaps you'll have better luck than I did (not that that would be remotely hard), and you'll get a rare petpet or something else amazing.

Good luck.

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