The Biggest Mistake of Sloth

     Ha ha ha! Dr. Sloth? A mistake? Why, that’s like saying that Illusen and Jhudora could be best friends! Ha! Or... or that the Snowager could actually survive on Mystery Island! Everyone knows that it’s impossible. No, I assure you, lass. Sloth has never made a mistake, and he never will. He’s just too great for that. Now lass, I’m going back to sleep. Don’t wake me with silly questions like th— I told you. He has NEVER made a mistake in his LIFE. EVER! Run off and play with your friends now. I want to go back to sleep!

     Ugh, well... alright. I do remember one thing. It can’t qualify as a mistake anymore, though. It was much too long ago. Oh, I think I still walked on my own two legs without the help of a cane back then.

     It was... year five or so... oh, curse my memory. I just don’t remember. The point is... it was a really, really long time ago. I still was able to walk without a cane! Lass, I didn’t say that before. My memory is still good enough to remember what I did a few minutes ago. So, it was... year three? Hmm, that might be it.

     It was early in the month of Running, and Sloth was rather bored. He just couldn’t form any more plots inside that ingenious head of his. Of course, he might have just been upset that his last plot was stopped by pests. No, lass... a stopped plot doesn’t qualify as a mistake. It was a perfect plan. No, Sloth just forgot that neopets existed. No, no, that’s not a mistake either. Lass-- ANYWAY, Sloth was extremely bored. He couldn’t think of any more— shush! –plots, and he was not amused by his jester Blumaroos and witty Aishas. Every joke they told him was heard by him before, he could juggle better than any Blumaroo, and he replied to the riddles of the Aishas before they could even finish reciting them. And believe me when I say that he has never heard those riddles before! I was his favorite worker (as far as favorites go for him), and I was around him almost all of the time!

     So now, Sloth turned around in his chair with a sigh of annoyance and leaned back in his chair. He looked at me past his folded hands and said to me, “You, minion. Go and fetch me every book in Neopia that include the words ‘Neopia’, ‘Evil’, ‘Plot’, or ‘Domination’.” I asked him then, “How will I pay for all of them?” and he yelled to me, “I don’t care how you get them. Just make sure you return with them.” He started to get very angry, so I ran out of his base as quickly as I could... WITHOUT a cane!

     I was running from the Shop Wizard to the Trading Post and back again. Soon, though, I found a book catalog which I should have looked for in the first place. Since I lacked a sufficient amount of neopoints, I had to borrow the books from user’s shops and promise them to return with either the book or the neopoints. Now, this process of obtaining the books took about three to... maybe five or six hours. When I returned to the space station, Sloth looked as if he had been doomed to live a life of boredom. He swiveled in his chair as he had done earlier, and I could have sworn he was going to leap out of that chair to give me a giant hug and thank you. Of course, he didn’t, but he did look rather content.

     “Let me see what you’ve got,” he said in his frustrated voice without a hint of joy (then again, has Sloth ever even felt happiness?).

     I threw the enormous bag of books on the table in front of him which rose from the ground on its machinery and wheels. Sloth attacked the bag like a hungry Lupe attacks his dinner and started to glance at titles and throw the unfit books across the room. He did this for a short while before he glanced at a title, proceeded to throw the book, and stopped to look at it again. At this moment he seemed calmer than he ever had before. Maybe a bit shocked. He seemed to blaze through one hundred emotions at once, so it was difficult to tell what he was feeling. I wanted to know the title of the book, but if I interrupted him in his moment of... one hundred emotions, he might have fired me there.

     Suddenly, there came a whisper. “There is something beyond Neopia?” he asked, still looking at the book with wide eyes.

     “I— uh— I don’t know?” I stuttered back quickly and quietly.

     “LOOK! LOOK AT THIS!” he yelled, shoving the book to my face. “There’s something beyond Neopia! Something BETTER! It’s mine! It’s going to be mine!” Sloth jumped out of his seat, holding the book like a fragile artifact while I cleaned up the rest of the books to return to their proper owners.

     “Sir,” I said quietly, “I didn’t pay for that book yet. I need some neopoints.”

     “Yes, yes, yes. Of course,” Sloth said hurriedly. He then threw a handful of neopoints at the floor. It was five-hundred twenty-five to be exact, more than the book cost in the first place. Ah, I bought myself a nice ice-cream with the rest of that, but don’t tell anyone that, lass.

     I went off to return the rest of the books. I came to the shop from where Sloth’s chosen book was from and gave the owner the neopoints. There were more of the books, so I picked one up and read the back of it. I remember the book so well. It was called Beyond Neopia and the back said this: “One brave Zafara set off in her space ship accompanied by her faithful Warf. Her journey had only just begun...”

     ‘Why,’ I thought, ‘this book seems like a... like a children’s book!’ I dropped the bag of books and ran back to the space station as fast as I can to warn Sloth. He would be furious if I “tricked” him to read a children’s book. When I got back, he was sitting in his favorite chair in his lounge room staring lovingly at the book before him.

     “Dr. Sloth!” I yelled out. He looked up at me with the same red, angry eyes. “You can’t read that book!”

     “You’re a pathetic Grundo. I tell you what to do,” he replied coldly and opened the book with a smirk to spite me.

     “But you can’t! It’s not what you think it is! It’s a childre—“

     “Once.”

     I was confused at this simple word. “What?” I asked after a while.

     “I read the first word,” he laughed, “and you know my policy about finishing a book once I start it.”

     He then proceeded to read the first sentence. I watched that smile that expected a good, informative read turn into a nasty frown. Before he could say anything, I ran out of the lounge.

     I was stopped by one of my best friends, lass, and she asked me what I was so concerned about. I told her about how Sloth chose to read a children’s book. Now, my friend started laughing until I finished telling her about how Sloth thought it was a book about other planets that could become his. My friend told me not to worry until Sloth was done with the book, which could take hours if it was boring. She said he might realize it was his own fault.

     It took Sloth three days to finish the book. Normally, he’s done with a book within a day. This time, however, he kept making up excuses to avoid the book. Oh, you know... excuses like “I’m going for a walk”, but no... he hated the outside, so he wandered nervously about his space station trying to avoid Grundos. Why, lass? Well, the Grundos would be asking him about his book. How would he reply to them if it’s a book for kids? Then again, he usually does reply with an inaudible mumble. But that’s not the point; the point is that he made a mistake. Sloth thought the book would tell him about planets BEYOND NEOPIA, but it was a children’s book! FOR KIDS! Ha ha.

     When he was done with the book, he never said anything about it. When one Grundo asked about it, he became so furious he zapped him for a week and fired him after he became an invisible Skeith. He never yelled at me for “tricking” him into reading a kid’s book. He never mentioned anything about the book and no minion dared to ask.

     Now, that was Sloth’s only mi— yes, lass? No, books don’t become magical smoke after Sloth reads them. Sloth isn’t a neopet. I don’t know what he is, lass! I did see what he did with the book, though. When he was done with it, he marched over to his closet and threw it in there. I think that’s where all of his books are. No one has ever dared to look into that closet. I’ve never seen him rereading or taking notes on the book, though... so I don’t know if he still has it.

     Now, any more questions? Good. That was Sloth’s biggest (and only) mistake. He thought it would describe worlds that could be his own, and he never got his five-hundred and twenty-five neopoints back! Lass, I told you what you wanted to know, so now you must promise me something. Never speak of his mistake. As far as we know, he hasn’t made one. Sloth is perfect in his minion’s eyes. Do not tell anyone about this, alright? OK, well then, lass, I should probably go move those boxes. No nap for me yet!

The End