Now with 50% more useless text Circulation: 177,350,918 Issue: 426 | 15th day of Sleeping, Y12
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series
 

Dr. Frank Sloth: An Interview


by xilimirg

--------

Introduction: Hello all, Xilimirg here! I am just about to walk into the neohome of Dr. Frank Sloth, the greatest villain of all time! I hope to catch some secrets about his upcoming plans this year, and hopefully he will spill the beans to everyone while the cameras are rolling! I hope to catch a glimpse around his neohome to maybe catch some clues about what he is all about, and hopefully am able to report back to the boss about what is going on. Make sure to keep the cameras rolling; we wouldn’t want to miss anything, especially for all of you out there. Wish me luck!

Xilimirg: Hello all! I am here interviewing Dr. Sloth on his favorite day of the ye...

Dr. Sloth: HEY! Don’t steal my spotlight kid, this is my show. HELLO, NEOPIA! Dr. Frank Sloth here, your one and only villain in all of Neopia, and don’t forget it. Don’t run and hide, little minion, I have a story to tell about Neopian Domination V2010.

Xilimirg: I am truly sorry, Doctor, I didn’t mean to interrupt you. Can you tell us your plans for the new year, 2010? We are all on the edge of our seats, really. Any taking over of Mystery Island, Krawk Island in the near future? Taking over the Altador Cup? All of Neopia has been waiting for this interview since last Dr. Sloth Appreciation Day.

Dr. Sloth: Child! Don’t tell me what to do! I don’t have to answer you; obviously my plans are top secret. But have no fear, minion, I will tell you. I may not give you all of my secrets, but I will give all of Neopia a little insight into my deep plans. BUT DON’T EXPECT MUCH!

Xilimirg: Dr. Sloth, I do apolo...

Dr. Sloth: MINION! Don’t apologize. Does Balthazar apologize for kidnapping bottled faeries? Does the Meerca Henchman apologize for what they do? Does the Pant Devil apologize for stealing hard earned items? Do you get where I am going with this? Dr. Frank Sloth will not apologize for anything this year! Apologies are for those Defender of Neopia fools. Pfft, Dr. Frank Sloth does not apologize.

Xilimirg: Well... I guess you can take that either way, Doctor. By the way, do you think you can deem me worthy? *bows*

Dr. Sloth: Keep dreaming, child. Dr. Sloth submits to NO ONE, I repeat, NO ONE. Back to my plans for V2010... This year, I promise that Dr. Frank Sloth will be on the uprising, and will work further towards Neopian Domination. You may ask how I plan to do this dark deed, young minion of mine... Please don’t ask Dr. Sloth how he plans on doing so, but if I had it my way, I would gather all of Neopia’s villains, and go attack that nasty Gallery of Heroes. Those guys over there disgust me. Could you imagine it now? Jhudora Vs Illusen in the Battledome, facing off against one another in a long, hard fought battle? Could you imagine Malkus Vile teamed up with the Shadow Usul, Commander Garoo, and Galem? Talk about an all-star team if I’ve ever seen one. We could take over any combination of those silly children over in the Gallery of Heroes. I mean, come on, look at that child Lisha! Don’t even get me started on King Skarl. Look at him, eating like the beast he is... DISGUSTING!

Xilimirg: Doctor... I think you need to calm down... I don’t see this interview going too well. Don’t get too angry, I would really like to make it back home in one piece!

Dr. Sloth: CHILD! Don’t fret, my minion, don’t fret. Dr. Sloth is not angry now, but trust me, later this year, Dr. Sloth’s army will grow, and grow strong it will. I will recruit from all across Neopia to get the greatest warriors of all time to come together for a common cause, Dr. Frank Sloth.

Xilimirg: Sounds great, Doctor, but have you thought about what would happen if they all don’t get along? What if they want to steal the show, and plot to take you down once and fo...

Dr. Sloth: ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT DOCTOR FRANK SLOTH CAN BE TAKEN DOWN, MINION? Dr. Frank Sloth does not submit to anyone, and will not fail said plan! Villains want to be me, villains want to look like me, villains wish they could be like me, and villains wish they had my background. You think I am afraid? You think I am going to cower in fear? Of course not, dear child. I, Dr. Frank Sloth, will prevail, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Xilimirg: Uhh... Sorry Mr., Sir, I mean Dr. Sloth, sir, I’m sorry, I mean I am not apologizing, I’m, oh forget it. I didn’t mean to offend you in any way. I just... I am a reporter, you know, and my boss sent me your way to get more information about your upcoming plans; please, sir, don’t punish me!

Dr. Sloth: Oh, trust me, I wouldn’t worry too much in the near future. You see, I am going to be patient. Patience is a virtue every villain must have. I will come in with a bang, and I promise you won’t see it coming!

Xilimirg: That’s great, Doctor, just great. I should be taking off now. I want to thank you for the interview, and especially for you taking time out of your busy schedule to have this with me. Thank you, Frank!

Dr. Sloth: That’s Dr. Frank Sloth to you. Now GET OUT! Don’t start snooping around my house, or I might have to release Balth... I mean, get security. *smiles*

PHEW! Made it out of there just in time. I wonder what he meant by releasing “security?” It sounded like he was about to say... Balthazar, but that just can’t be. Does this mean that Dr. Frank Sloth has already started recruiting for his upcoming plans? We will just have to wait and find out.

 
Search the Neopian Times




Great stories!


---------

A Typical Day In The Life Of An Enslaved Grundo
"T'KAR!!! I DO NOT PAY YOU TO LAZE AROUND!! REPORT TO THE BRIDGE – WITH MY SLIPPERS – IMMEDIATELY!!"

by greyskyline

---------

Mirror, Mirror!: Part Four
She'd come a long way and had seen a lot of things as a Double Agent, a spy, and a thief, but nothing so much chilled her as this sight.

by shelbymcb85

---------

The Ruby Chest
"I'm leaving today, Tunqar, with the crew. We're gonna explore Neopia. I've been looking forward to it for months, but now..."

by fluorescency

---------

10 Tips for Successful Worm Hunting
Worm hunting is simple, and a frequent pastime of Moltaran children, requiring as it does only an empty lantern and plenty of time.

by redoakcove



Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.