Up-to-date coverage on faerie wars Circulation: 177,649,478 Issue: 429 | 5th day of Awakening, Y12
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

Bread: The Best Thing Since...

by danceswithpampers


We’ve all heard the phrase “the best thing since sliced bread,” but doesn’t that phrase imply that the best thing prior to this new thing was sliced bread? To be fair, sliced bread is a pretty nifty invention. It allows for spreads and butters, jams and other sticky substances to be spread on the surface of bread, which I’ll admit is quite convenient. But what is so special about sliced bread? What is so special about bread in general? With books devoted to its wonder (such as 101 Stale Bread Recipes) and avatars created after its design (I am speaking of the toasty avatar, of course), there must be something to this bread. Something we didn’t know before. Something that makes it so special...

1. Snacking Bread – Speaking of a grumbling belly! Snacking Bread, which also happens to be a gourmet food, is perfect for silencing a vociferous stomach. Perfectly garnished with a simply decadent green olive, this delectable slice of bread is just right. Sure, it may seem like a plain, old piece of bread with a bitter grape on top, but it’s not. No, it’s not. It’s delicious, and it’s perfect for snacking – thus the name!

2. Flat Bread – For the less fortunate of bread consumers, flat bread really hits the spot! Okay, maybe it doesn’t, but it does have a taste that resembles something like stale bread, which is... something, I suppose. It goes wonderfully with gruel and leaves an odor in your house that you will NEVER forget. Look, the point is this bread is inexpensive... and... no, that’s about it.

3. Jelly Bread – Before you ask, yes, Jelly Bread is, in fact, bread. Once you get over its gelatinous, downright gooey texture, you’ll come to find that it actually tastes like bread. Want to know why? It is bread! Sure, it comes from a land that doesn’t technically exist, but... we can overlook that. Jelly Bread is a remarkable cuisine that offers the same satisfaction of traditional bread, without the calories. What a find!

4. Symol Bread – One of my personal favorites is the ever delicious Symol Bread. Symol Bread is, perhaps, the epitome of why bread is so spectacular; the epitome of why amazing things are often compared to bread; the epitome of... aw, come on, just look at dat wittle nose! Symol Bread got its name due to its peculiar, though undeniably cute, shape – a shape that oddly resembles that of a Symol. At first glance, Symol Bread doesn’t seem that different from other breads, but as you slice Symol Bread, its resemblance to that cute, little Petpet becomes apparent. Add a slice of Symol Dirt Pie, and you’ll have quite a meal!

5. Altadorian Bread – In the mood for a grand banquet? Well, no feast fit for a king would be complete without a slice of Altadorian Bread! Embroidered with the seal of the Altadorian King himself, Altadorian Bread is certainly one for the books. With a crisp, flaky outer layer, and a delightfully warm interior, Altadorian Bread sends an immediate warming sensation throughout your body the very moment it touches your lips (or beak... or snout...) This enchanting bread is almost more scrumptious than the main course!

6. Loaf of Pea Bread – Sounds disgusting, doesn’t it? Well, have you ever heard the expression, “don’t judge a book by its cover?” That doesn’t apply to this bread. You can tell by the looks of it, if you don’t like peas, you won’t like this bread. Keep walking: it’s not for you. Sorry, try again. But for my fellow pea enthusiasts (just kidding, I’m not really a pea enthusiast – not that there’s anything wrong with digesting something that’s small... and round... and a putrid shade of green), a Loaf of Pea Bread is perfect for you. Not only is this loaf of bread a gourmet food (meaning that if your Neopet eats it, it will be one step closer to obtaining entrance into the all-inclusive Gourmet Club), but it is also an excellent source of vitamin *cough*. How lovely!

7. Parmesan Herb Bread – Forget about a side dish or an appetizer, Parmesan Herb Bread is a meal in itself! The name alone makes my mouth water! With gooey, sharp cheese hand-baked into the warm, flaky crust, Parmesan Herb Bread is sure to satisfy even the most robust of appetites. As you would have probably guessed, Parmesan Herb Bread is a gourmet food, giving you an excuse to immediately run out to the bakery and purchase a loaf (or two!) for your hungry Neopet. I have two words for you: Bon Appétit!

8. Buttered Toast – Oh, the classics. This, aside from the original slice of bread, is perhaps the most well-known piece of bread in the world. Topped with a small, though particularly rich dollop of butter, toast is a food that most Neopians can identify with. Maybe your Neopet ate a slice for breakfast. Maybe YOU ate a slice for breakfast. Maybe SLOTH ate a slice for breakfast. Or, perchance, your avatar is set to “Toasty.” Maybe you flung a piece at your neighbor this morning, hoping to extend your healthy breakfast habits. Regardless, Buttered Toast is a breakfast food we are all familiar with. It’s simple. It’s delicious. It’s toasted! What more need be said?

9. Snowflake Bread – Just in time for the holidays, Snowflake Bread is wonderfully festive. Each slice of Snowflake Bread, much like a snowflake itself, is perfectly unique. No two pieces are the same! Snowflake Bread makes both a lovely little snack, as well as a heartwarming (and not to mention tummy-filling) gift. So, when in doubt these holidays (or anytime, really!), send a loaf of Snowflake Bread!

Well, there you have it. There are many reasons new inventions (and new cuisine) are often compared to bread. Whether you enjoy it as a snack, a meal, or a clever way to find your way home, bread is a delicious, versatile creation. No wonder it has found its way into hearts and homes across Neopia. Three cheers for bread! Hip Hip Hurrah!

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


The Fallen: Faint-Hearted - Part Six
Inside the Castle Nuctroff, a great deal was being set into motion, and, though the Gelerts usually slumbered during the day, there wasn't a single closed eye in the castle.

by ayame_23


The best place to be is underwater.

by _howdyho124


Avalon and the Emerald Noil Gem: The Onyx Isle - Part Three
As the other Gelerts emerged from the shadows, grinning sinisterly or glaring furiously, Avalon's eyes rested on a single figure, pushing her way through one line of Gelerts.

by cpmtiger


Balthazar's Best Friend
The youngest ones are easiest to catch.

by roboticc

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.