After Being Frozen - The Taelia Story
Authors note: Anyone who tries to find a point in this article will be fed
to the Meepits!
TAELIA’S IGLOO- Hello, I’m Mackenzie, here do a random, insane, pointless interview
with Taelia, who has just been thawed from a long, icy, prison sentence. If
I may ask so, how was it Taelia?
Taelia: Great! It was such a wonderful experience! I have frostbite in seven
places! I might have to get a few fingers amputated! I have Neomonia! IT WAS
THE MOST WORST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE! AND NOW PEOPLE ARE COMING TO ME AND ASKING
FOR QUESTS! CAN’T HAVE I JUST ONE DAY OFF?
Mackenzie: So what do you think was the best part of the experience?
Taelia: Getting unfrozen!
Mackenzie: Okay, what was the worst part about your experience?
Taelia: BEING FROZEN!
Mackenzie: I see. So what do you think of the Usul, Hannah?
Taelia: Such a wonderful, sweet girl. SHE’S AS SWEET AS SLOTH IS! First, she
ate all my cookies! Then, she found my hoard of Taelia Tokens and broke some!
Then she had to have Kanrik, Armin and nearly five hundred Bori over for lunch!
And I had to cook it all with FROST-BITTEN FINGERS!
Mackenzie: I never liked Hannah either. So, what exactly are these Taelia Tokens?
Taelia: One of my new magical artifacts! They’re made if ice, snow, blue died
string, as a cheap plastic sapphire! Everybody thinks they’re magical, but they’re
really just random stuff that I found lying around! Oh wait, did I just say
that out loud?
Mackenzie: Yes…so…I make stuff out of junk all the time…
Taelia*Pulls out Virtublaster 1000*: But I can’t have people running around
telling my secrets, can I?
Mackenzie: Hey! You can’t have tech stuff off the space station!
Taelia: Um, I just ‘borrowed’ it from the space station.
Mackenzie: Why can’t you just freeze me with magic instead of blasting me?
Taelia: OH DARN IT! HOW TO DO ALL MY SECRETS GET OUT?
Mackenzie: That thing you’re holding isn’t exactly a secret. You’re pointing
a blaster at my face. It’s pretty obvious what’s going to happen.
Taelia*Places the blaster on a table*: Just forget it and get on with this
Mackenzie: Okay, now what do you think of the new Taelia themed gift tags?
Taelia: I had a bad hair day when the picture on it was taken. I had just been
unthawed from the ice. But Hannah’s hair…now that’s what you call a really bad
Mackenzie: But you hardly see your hair on your gift tag!
Taelia: That’s why it was a bad hair day.
Mackenzie: Okay…moving on, what was it like being frozen?
Taelia: It was like being burned. No wait, scratch that, IT WAS LIKE BEING
FROZEN, WHAT ELSE? DO YOU WANT EVERY LITTLE DETAIL?
Mackenzie: How did if feel being unfrozen?
Taelia: Great! It was the first time I actually noticed I had frostbite!
Mackenzie: How long did it take you to notice that you had frostbite?
Taelia: The first time that I had to move my fingers.
Mackenzie: Where you shocked to find that you had frostbite?
Taelia: Since I couldn’t feel anything from being frozen for so long, YES!
Mackenzie: How did it physically feel not being able to feel anything?
Taelia: I could feel the soft wind on my face and the snow beneath my feet.
I COULDN’T FEEL ANYTHING YOU DIMWIT!
Mackenzie: If you could be frozen again, would you?
Taelia: Uh, let me think about it…NO!
Mackenzie: If you could do anything to the thief who froze you, what would
Taelia: Put him in a room with you!
Mackenzie: Why would you do that?
Taelia: Err, let’s just move on!
Mackenzie: If you could freeze anyone at the moment, who would it be?
Taelia: Next question please!
Mackenzie: What do you think of ice Bori?
Taelia: I pity them, because they’re frozen all the time, as well as Ice Bruces.
Who would want to be frozen all the time? Plus you’ll have frostbite 24-7, and
you won’t be able to feel anything.
Mackenzie: You do know that they’re not really frozen, don’t you?
Taelia: They’re not frozen? Then what makes them look icy?
Mackenzie: It’s called a paintbrush!
Taelia: Paint is toxic!
Mackenzie: It’s a special kind of paintbrush with non-toxic paint. Now can
we please move on?
Taelia: Yes, sure, ask the next question.
Mackenzie: Why do you choose to live on Terror Mountain of all places?
Taelia: Oh, it’s a lot of things really. It’s the giant palm trees and the
sand and the beaches, the gentle splashing of ocean water against the shore,
beach volleyball, the warm weather, the many ships that sail into the harbor,
that crazy guy who wears a mask and gives out bottles of sand…
Mackenzie: Uhh, I think you were referring to Mystery Island.
Taelia: I was?
Mackenzie: Yes! Now what do you say are the best things about living on TERROR
Taelia: Oh, Terror Mountain. The best thing about living on Terror Mountain
is seeing the look on people’s faces when you make them buy expensive items
for one of your quests, and you give them something cheap back!
Mackenzie: Okay…So, what new Taelia themed items can we expect in the future?
Taelia: I would like to create a cheese paintbrush.
Mackenzie: I LOVE CHEESE!
Taelia: Yes, and then I’m going to paint my igloo with one, then I’m going
to get a hold of a pack of Meepits and paint them cheese! I’ll have a cheese
Mackenzie: Meepits? Where?
Taelia*whispers*: Behind you!
Mackenzie: Eeep!* Dives under table*
Taelia: Come out, I was just joking!
Mackenzie*climbs back into chair*: Okay, so why do you want to create a cheese
Taelia: So I can take over Neopia of course! And so I can attack those people
who don’t complete my quests.
Mackenzie: You’re starting to sound like Jhudora, you know.
Taelia: Did I just say that all out loud?
Mackenzie: Yes and please don’t point that blaster at me!
Taelia: I wasn’t going to.
Mackenzie: Okay, I’m going to rap up this interview with one final question,
if you could do anything to make Neopia a better place, what would it be?
Taelia: I’d make sure Meepits ruled Neopia!
Mackenzie: Okay that concludes this interview. I’m Mackenzie, signing off from
a random, insane, pointless interview!