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The Hidden Wonders of Baby Pets


by little_gothic_wowen

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Also by daughterofearth85

Baby pets.

Go onto any board, there will be someone “asking” to get a baby paint brush (because they’re so p00r and, so STRANGELY, can’t seem to play games and haven’t heard of Key Quest, or Tree Quest or Kiwi Zest, or whatever the helpful member of Neopia told them about, four topics ago). I used to question this as I sauntered to the NC board. Not because of their questionable means of obtaining this paint brush, but why a baby paint brush?

It was not when I purchased one myself from the uppity faerie at the Hidden Tower (which I will not give the link to, another common question) that I realised, “This is why they want a baby paint brush!” Yes, my beautiful Ixi was made a thousand times cuter; however, she is also now a thousand times more demanding. My particular baby took a liking to forest fruit baby food and would not eat anything else, and she didn’t stand for simply full up, she wanted bloated or bust. And at 200 neopoints a jar she did put a strain on the rest of my pets, who can stand omelette a few nights a week, but not every one in order to satisfy a demanding baby. And even further, I was annoyed when I found that babies were impossible to customize. Unless you want them hovering a few centimetres above the sky line, backgrounds are very difficult to find and with no special “Baby” section in the NC Mall, you have to deal with them being quite plain. So, although I loved my Ixi very much, I was getting slightly irritated at her special requirements and wondered if these people so desperate for this transformation to happen knew exactly what they were in for.

Since then, I have deciphered that most Neopian parents just enjoy having the cuteness of a baby around, and the paint brushes are easy to get a hold of, none of this trading post malarkey. Now, this is now turning into a rant about how to look after a baby, this is something I realised a little while ago that I think every baby owner should know. A good friend of mine is a proud baby owner; she has got over the fact they are a nightmare to customize and has given them lovely settings and trinkets to play with. She relentlessly feeds every one with their favourite baby food and has read that dratted Kiko Pop-up Book to every one hundreds of times. But this particular friend of mine has not only created a perfect illusion of sweetness and cuteness, she has created something very useful:

Minions.

It is a well known fact that babies are impressionable, and as soon as you have the “I’m your Momma” part down, then you have a clean sheet, ready for the recruitment into your personal army. Don’t even bother with a faerie pet; I wouldn’t attempt it with a Darigan pet, and zombies’ limbs aren’t very reliable in contact, so babies seem to be the best thing to employ as your private battalion.

Now, what is the best thing about minions?

They do your bidding, of course!

There are lots of options as to what to do with these minions, and each one has its own perk.

1) Deception. It’s a common fact, babies are cute. Now, what better way to thwart your enemy than by deceiving them into thinking they are being given a cookie by a harmless, big-eyed cutie, when really this cookie has a hidden barbed wire piece in it? And, because those eyes can cry on command, it is quite obviously a mistake, obviously...

2) Housework. Anyone with older pets can tell you, it’s next to impossible to get them to lift a paw around the house, being too busy with neoschool and learning their Battledome technique. So, let your baby know that good babies who tidy around the house don’t get thrown into the lair of the beast. And believe me, they will believe you. Say hello to spotless windows, nicely vacuumed floors and no clutter.

3) Games. We know babies love to play, but wouldn’t it be lovely to play games that threaten your enemies? This is one utilised well by my friend, who knows there is nothing cuter than the sight of a baby curled up chewing sweetly on a negg. Wouldn’t it be fun if this negg was malevolent? So, as this unsuspecting person saunters up to your baby, maybe to steal this tempting negg from them (it is a sad fact the “candy from a baby” practice has not ended)... As this greedy pet reaches out to take this tasty treat from your pet, the game begins. We call it, “Watch a ferocious negg chew on the feet of your enemy as they run away.” Another one we enjoy is the “Balloon game”. All this involves is a large bottle of super-glue and a very strong balloon string attached to a helium filled balloon. Hours of fun, all because someone wants to steal a balloon from your precious baby.

4) The most important one in my opinion: Planning Neopian Domination. Maybe I’ve been playing Key Quest too much, but the suggestion of Neopian domination just seems so appealing. This can be achieved by a big burly pack of war machines, or done in a more inconspicuous way. First all people realise that there are more babies around. Then they realise these babies are very cuddly. Don’t you want to cuddle a baby pet when you see one? There are two approaches, there can be the “poison gas in the fur” approach, where as they stroke the fur, a toxic gas enters their nose, and their obedience instinct is magically increased. Then of course, my chosen approach is more wicked. Babies have sharp little teeth. These sharp little teeth are lovely when shredding things, unsuspecting to the opponent and can create enough fear to make your chosen target be slightly more obliging to what you are offering, such as wanting to open a new post for you as supreme ruler of Neopia.

Just a thought for you all. ;)

 
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