The Tooth Faerie's Guide to Alternative Halloween Goodies
Well, a toothy hello to all my friends and fans! It would seem that Halloween is upon us once again, and believe me, I know when it is coming; there is a growing chorus of “I hope the Tooth Faerie doesn’t give out Toothpaste and Dental Floss again this year”, and this chorus has reached my own ears here in Faerieland. Well, besides being quite shocking, these words have given me the inspiration to lay down my Faerie Toothbrush, pick up my Pencil Toothbrush, and write a guide for the little Neopets, and their parents and caregivers, who underestimate the importance of good dental hygiene.
As many of you know, I am the youngest of Neopia’s faeries, and I am not yet so old as to have forgotten the joys of trick-or-treating. This, coupled with the fact that a trio of Rotten Neggs were somehow left under my porch last Halloween (I’m looking at you, Jhudora; don’t think I didn’t notice the green mist swirling out from the Vira Halloween Costume you were wearing), has prompted me to rethink the instruments of oral health which I have enjoyed giving out in years past. Perhaps this guide will change the habits of Neopians everywhere and this will finally be the year that I don’t spend the first week of the Month of Storing chasing down the youngsters who have had their teeth pulled by a Caramel Pizza Slice. Or removing festering items from beneath my porch. Here follows a list of the top ten items I will be giving out this year, and I would encourage others to follow my lead.
1) Tooth Faerie Dental Care
I realise, now, that most youngsters (and evil faeries) don’t want to come to the door of my Neohome and have me put items into their Goodie Bags that they can find in their own medicine cabinets at home. OK, message received on that one. But who doesn’t like a beautiful little book to read in bed at night? Not only does this volume have all of my top tips for keeping your teeth and gums healthy, but it is also illustrated with some of the best artwork I have ever seen. There are portraits of me brushing, flossing, gargling, and attending a Dentist appointment. Be sure to study the chapter on the proper method for rinsing and spitting; it’s just lovely stuff, really.
2) Tooth Faerie Poster
Along with the book just mentioned, this is another item that can be ordered exclusively through my licensing company, Brushemup Inc. Not only will hanging this poster in your bathroom remind the kids to brush, but also ten percent of sales go toward rewards for lost teeth. Once again, the artwork commissioned for this item is stunning and it will no doubt be the pride of any Neohome.
3) Organic Red Apple
Now, perhaps this is a bit of a cliché -- apples are Nature’s toothbrush and all of that -- but have you ever stopped to think how clichés get started? There is indeed truth behind the trope. Not only is this apple free of pesticides and artificial ingredients, but it will also help to prevent cavities in those who do choose to indulge in sweet and sticky treats. But remember, kids: unless you receive an apple from a trusted faerie like myself, your caregiver should always check it before you eat it.
Aha, and we move beyond the cliché with this treat. It is described as a “tough little berry that is treasured by many as a healthy alternative to tooth-decaying hard sweets”. As such, it is indeed treasured by me. As a matter of fact, a big bowl of Unguberries is my preferred snack for movie night; much better than having popcorn husks sticking between my teeth, forcing me to run to the bathroom for some Dental Floss and missing the ending of yet another movie just because Fyora is “too busy to stop the movie every time someone imagines a Dental Emergency”. Well, a heaping bowl of Unguberries not only prevents this problem, but I usually don’t have to share my snack with the other faeries. More for me, I say!
5) Cybunny Carrot Cookie
Apples and Unguberries not quite Halloween-themed, you say? Well, how about these adorable Cybunny-shaped cookies, conveniently available in orange, I reply. Not only will these cookies not spoil your appetite, but they are guaranteed not to rot your teeth. Win-win in my opinion, and not at all deserving of mouldering and offensive items left under my porch (poke, poke, Jhudora).
6) Tooth Faerie Sweets
These candies, another item available exclusively from Brushemup Inc., are also guaranteed not to rot your teeth. You might ask, “Tooth Faerie, why don’t you give these sweets to everyone who comes to your door then?” I can only answer that my goal with this list is to move the Halloween tradition away from distributing candy to youngsters and I will only have a few packets of these treats on hand to give out to the harder looking characters (such as those who leave a trail of swirling green mist in their wake).
Who ever said that only dental hygiene tools and edible treats were to be given out at Halloween? Why not think outside the box this year and give some plants or seedlings to budding gardeners instead? The wonderful thing about Bluesticks is that they can be used as an emergency toothbrush. Not only will they clean your teeth, but they will also make you grow up big and strong if you brush with them daily. Who wouldn’t ignore the bitter taste and odour of rotten milk they emit for the outweighing benefits they provide?
8) Green Doglefox Usuki Set
Not only is this an adorable playset featuring a sweet little Doglefox, but it also includes a toy toothbrush. What trick-or-treater wouldn’t be delighted to receive this, I ask? Not only will the youngsters have hours of fun brushing their toy Doglefox’s teeth, but it is my hope that they will be inspired to pay more attention to their own Dental Hygiene as well.
9) Vampire Wax Lips
And speaking of inspiration, perhaps finding these gleaming teeth, straight and white, in a Goodie Bag will prompt a child to ask, “How can I achieve such a brilliant smile of my own?” I imagine a future in which every Neopian everywhere can boast of such a perfect set of teeth, excepting, perhaps, the elongation and spikiness. Also, if the children choose to chew on these wax teeth, do ensure that they brush and floss afterwards; wax build-up can most certainly lead to tooth decay.
10 a) The Tooth Faerie
10 b) General Crustygums
I would recommend giving out these two Collectible Cards together as an example and a counter-example of the importance of proper Dental Hygiene. On the one hand, a beautiful portrait of myself, agleam of tooth and pink of gums, can be an inspiration to strive for good oral health. And frighteningly, a chilling portrayal of an aging Grarrl with barely a tooth hanging in his gaping jaw just might affect those too jaded to listen to good advice (poke, poke, Jhudora, one wonders where the green mist come from—periodontal disease, perhaps?).
I would like to end this guide with a warning: I believe, by now, all of Neopia understands the dangers associated with eating certain foods; Mechabread, Stone Jelly, Heavy Bark Cheese, etc., all promise to leave you toothless if you foolishly try to bite into them. What many do not know is that there are evil forces afoot (and here I point no fingers) that have been known to impersonate me and hand out Toothpaste on Halloween. If you do receive such a treat this year, I implore you to look closely at the label. If, instead of my own gleaming smile, you happen to see the grinning smirk of Dr. Frank Sloth, be warned: you have been given a tube of Hydroslothic Acid Toothpaste. Use of this counterfeit product will not only fail to prevent gum disease, it will dissolve your gums entirely!
On that note, I will end my guide by saying, “Keep brushing and have a safe and happy Halloween!”