Caution: Quills may be sharp Circulation: 181,710,584 Issue: 415 | 23rd day of Collecting, Y11
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(Un)conventional Villains


by a_purplepossum

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Deep inside the Virtupets Space Station, two Neopets were sneaking through the unauthorized halls. No one had been in here since Dr. Sloth had returned; he had hidden his evil laboratory cleverly where most people would not think to venture into. They passed the many warning signs at blocked off passage ways. As the two progressed further, they found that there were hints that this was indeed where Sloth had once been. There were broken weapons and armour, but what they were looking for was a sinister, broken door. The heart of Virtupets was thought of by most to be just a large engine that kept the station running, but there was much more to it. This was where Dr. Sloth stored and created all of his evil inventions.

     Both Neopets were female. One was a Faerie Lenny; the other was a cloud Gnorbu. Larkin, the Lenny, wore a black Virtupets body suit that covered her body but showed her vibrant face, wings, and tail. Her eyes were stern; Larkin was a logical thinker who planned out every step she took. Myrtle, the Gnorbu, wore a pink Virtupets body suit. She was very tall and slender considering that she was a Gnorbu, and had a fluffy mane that flowed down her back and was platinum blond. Myrtle was the creative one; she loved to have fun, and it was because of this that she came off as a bit ditzy. These twins, despite their defences, had one common desire: to be feared by Neopia.

     “Are you sure that this is where Dr. Sloth hid his laboratory?” inquired Larkin sceptically.

     “Well, yeah, I’m mean it’s pretty, like, obvious if you think about it, y’know?” answered Myrtle cheerily.

     “I suppose it does make sense to keep it where nobody ever goes,” agreed Larkin.

     The two continued crawling through the dark, metallic hallways. Eventually they arrived at a door that may have been a great use in the past, but was now helplessly lying on the floor. There was nothing to stop the twins from entering Sloth’s room of creations.

     Larkin stepped in cautiously, but was pushed aside by the overeager Myrtle. The room was full of every evil contraption imaginable. Lasers, bombs, armour, goggles all filled the room along with designs and anything else that an aspiring super villain would need.

     “Oh wow, this stuff is, like, so wicked,” squealed Myrtle as she picked up a ray gun. “If we put all these thing-a-mabobs to use, we could, like, totally take over Neopia.”

     Larkin laughed mockingly at this statement, but became all serious as she declared, “No. Aiming for Neopia domination is the number one mistake that any villain makes. Anybody who tries to take over Neopia is sure to end up locked up for life.”

     Myrtle started to protest, “Oh c’mon, I’m sure that-”

     Larkin interrupted, “Neopia domination is impossible to achieve, that is why every major villain has failed to accomplish it. Need examples? Dr. Sloth was one of the greatest evil geniuses ever to live; he had robots, mutants, and full power of the Virtupets technology, yet he has failed multiple times. To make matters worse, on more than one occasion it was just ordinary people who stopped him. That’s not all, there’s Hubrid Nox, the hateful vampire who has all the control of the undead. He has the power to vaporise anyone just within his hands and he has all the zombies that he can conjure to fight for him, but still he has not expanded his domination of these corpses because of one simple Wocky. And let’s not forget the Darkest Faerie, one of the evilest and most powerful faeries Neopia has ever seen. She has tried magic, curses, treachery and yet now she still is a crumbling statue in the bottom of Maraqua. So you see? Neopia Domination will not work!”

     Larkin then took a very deep breath after giving that speech and Myrtle was a bit intimidated after hearing all that.

     Eventually, the Gnorbu broke the silence with, “So if we’re not gonna take over the world, like, what are we gonna do?”

     “We can be feared and infamous even without going through all the megalomania of those past villains,” declared Larkin with an evil grin. “If we can both pull off a few thefts without being caught, people will start to get nervous around anything with value. Then once they realize that they’ll never catch us, they’ll be willing to negotiate with us. We can make millions by forcing them to pay for their precious items.”

     “Oh, that sounds, like, totally a super idea, sis,” praised Myrtle, “We could rob museums, banks, and stores and take everything with value.”

     “Wrong again,” sighed Larkin. "We don't need everything, just one or two things from each region. Can you imagine how hard it would be to transport a whole museum's worth of loot?"

     Myrtle nodded meekly.

     "Now let’s get to work on these inventions," declared Larkin enthusiastically. "We’ll need some camouflage outfits and some lock picks. Maybe a few weapons and anything else that comes to mind. Then we’ll be ready to show Neopia what real villains should be like.”

     “You said it, Lark,” chirped Myrtle, who was already examining the designs.

      ***

     The green Pteri trembled nervously as the Ogrin critic examined his piece of artwork. If the critic liked his work it would be able to hang in the Shenkuu museum; he would finally be famous. However, the critic did not look impressed with the pink and white piece of abstract.

     “Mr. Vert, this painting, in my opinion, is worth nothing,” sniffed the Ogrin, “You seemed to have been rushed when you painted this and put no effort into it. Anybody can do a few pink scribbles, but few can make it something beautiful; you are not one of those few. Abstract art is merely a fool's attempt at fame, it shows no creativity. I want it out of the museum by tomorrow morning.”

     “Yes, sir,” whimpered the Pteri, downhearted.

     The Ogrin left the museum and the Pteri moped after him. He decided to leave his painting on the wall for the night, just to feel like it deserved to be there. He was so depressed that he didn’t notice two figures sneak by him.

      ***

     “Okay, here is the art museum,” whispered Larkin as the two Neopets approached the tall Shenkuuian tower. “Art is easy to steal, counterfeit, and hide; it's the perfect first target. We’re sure to find some valuable masterpiece in here. Let’s turn on our disguises.”

     Both Larkin and Myrtle pushed a button on their newly made belts. Immediately their bodies matched the scene that was behind them. The two approached the tall, regal building and quietly crept past the two guards at the door. They instead pushed past some shrubs that lead to the back. Once they were facing the white wall, they turned off their camouflage.

     "Okay, we need to get into that window," declared Larkin as she pointed at a window near the top of the building.

     Myrtle looked dizzy as she asked, "Is that really, totally, necessary? What if we, like, fall?"

     "Yes, it is necessary," hissed Larkin. "Detectives are so clever nowadays; if we're going to leave any evidence, it'll be up there where no one can see it."

      The two then began their ascent. Larkin had decided to use super sticking suction cups on her wings to help her climb up the smooth surface. Myrtle had made the less practical choice of jet shoes.

     “Look at me! I’m, like, flying,” squealed Myrtle as the flame beneath her feet propelled her up.

     Her long mane flopped into the wind as she darted and spun through the air.

     “Quiet!” hushed Larkin, “The guards might hear you.”

     “Oh, sorry,” said Myrtle, but she still kept a giddy grin on her face.

     As Larkin continued her climbed with ease, Myrtle was practicing tricks accompanied with the occasional giggle. Eventually, they were both perched on the windowsill at the top of the tower.

     “Okay, hand me a vaporiser,” ordered Larkin.

     The Gnorbu reached into her sack, but suddenly looked nervous and exclaimed, "Whoa, we are, like, freaky high."

     "That didn't bother you when you were jetting through the sky," growled Larking testily

     "Yeah, but I was totally not looking down, y'know?" explained Myrtle.

     "Fine, I'll grab the vaporiser," declared the Lenny as she reached over into the bag.

     All of a sudden her talon slipped off the window's edge and she tumbled half way down the building. Luckily, her suction cup stuck to the wall again and she was saved.

     "Don't say I didn't warn you," taunted her sister.

     "But you didn't warn me," snarled Larkin icily.

     "Yeah, I guess you're kinda right, in a sorta way, but I did make it, like, super -duper clear that it was so totally dangerous," protested Myrtle. "Anywho, here's that vapor-mabob."

     Myrtle reached into a bag and pulled out a small eraser shaped object. She placed it against the window and pressed the button on it and, after a flash, the window was nothing but a fading mist.

     "You couldn't have just done that in the first place?" inquired Larkin sceptically, who had just returned to the top.

     "Well, I was, like, scared before, you see?" elaborated Myrtle.

     Larkin slapped her face and sighed, “Hand me the rope.”

     As Myrtle again checked through the bag, she inquired, “So, like, why are we going in through the top, again?”

     “Because people expect thieves to go in through the ground level. If we go in through the top we will have the element of surprise over the guards,” explained Larkin.

     “But you said that we were doing it so that detectives couldn't find us," whined Myrtle.

     Larkin sneered, "If you remembered that, then why-"

     "But, like, why do we want to surprise the guards; I thought we were trying to, y’know, not be seen?” asked Myrtle.

     “I was just about to," spluttered Larkin. "Never mind, what I meant was that the guards will be surprised when they realize that we got out without them seeing us,” hissed Larkin. “Now hand me a rope!”

     Myrtle obeyed without question this time. Larkin grabbed the rope and pushed a switch on the end of it. The rope straightened into a line to the floor. Larkin grabbed onto it and slid down with grace. Myrtle seemed to be having some trouble keeping her balance as she spun chaotically down the robe.

     “Whoa, I feel sorta queasy,” she mumbled as she let go.

     "Get a hold of yourself," grumbled Larkin. "If you want to be a professional villain, you have to know how to use all of your gadgets."

     "Oh, I totally know how to use this rope-a-doodle," corrected Myrtle. "It just make my, like, head spin."

     "Can you please stop acting so foolish," asked Larkin without expecting an answer; she knew that her sister would never act mature.

     The museum was well lit by the moon in the sky. The sisters could see all sorts of magnificent art pieces. In one corner was a Kadoatie made out of jewels; on another wall was a painting of Nimmo with a Mynci head. Once Myrtle had recovered from her descent, her attention was drawn to all of the creations.

     “Wow, this stuff must be, like, worth soooooo much money, or something,” she observed. “We’ll be totally the new crime queens when we, like, get away with all of these thing-a-dings.”

     “Did you not learn anything from what I told you earlier?” asked Larkin frustrated. “We want to start by thinking small; over-achieving will lead to our demise. For now let’s just find one thing to take.”

     The two walked through the museum examining the different masterpieces.

     “This should do nicely,” Larkin declared as she noticed a blue vase. “Oh, Myrtle, I-”

     “Ooooh, lookie here,” chimed Myrtle as she dashed towards a painting.

     Larkin sighed as she approached what her sister had found. She saw an abstract painting made out of pink swirls around a white background.

     “It is the, like, the most superific thing I have ever seen,” she praised with stars in her eyes.

     “Yeah, it’s nice,” commented Larkin without enthusiasm, “but we’re taking this vase.”

     “Why?” demanded Myrtle.

     “Because I say so,” declared Larkin.

     “But, I like, reeeeeeally want this painting,” whined Myrtle.

     “It makes no difference which one we take since we’re going to sell them anyway,” Larkin said at a near shout.

     “Well, if it makes no difference, then, like, why can’t we take the painting,” argued Myrtle.

     “No, we’re taking the vase,” shot back Larkin.

     “But just imagine how nice it will look on our wall,” complained Myrtle.

     "We aren't going to be putting it on our wall, we're going to be selling it. End of story," concluded Larkin.

     Myrtle, who had completely ignored "end of story", was about the prepare another protest when Larkin sighed. “Fine.” She knew that they had best be going.

     She reached over and grabbed the painting. It was not attached to the wall in any serious manner so she could easily remove it. As she placed it under her wing, she saw Myrtle doing a victory dance.

     “We got the painting, we got the painting,” she chanted as she twirled through the air.

     Unfortunately her spin ended with her making contact with the vase. CRASH! filled the room as the vase tumbled to the ground.

     “Oops,” Myrtle said meekly.

     “Who’s in there?” a voice came from outside.

     “Get ready to fight,” advised Larkin as she tossed a ray gun to Myrtle.

     “Shouldn’t we be, like, escaping, or something?” asked Myrtle.

     “No!” snapped Larkin, "We don't want people to think we're cowards. A true villain steps up to every fight."

     Two Ruki guards charged into the room with their spears raised.

     “Thieves!” bellowed one of the guards. “Put your hands up.”

     “Not so fast, I have a thingie and I, like, totally know how to use it,” threatened Myrtle. “Actually how do these work, Larkin?”

     "Just shut up and figure it out," fumed the Lenny.

     The guards made their moves now that Myrtle was slightly distracted. One charged at Myrtle who quickly dodged to the left. Larkin skillfully pressed several button on her ray gun and fired a red beam at the guard closest to her. The beam made contact with the spear, which bounced out of the guard’s hand.

     “So, that’s how they work,” observed Myrtle as she backed away from the guard.

     She then tried to mimic what Larkin had done by pressing random buttons. The gun began to shake and smoke from the cracks. It was clearly overloading.

     “Here, catch,” said Myrtle as she tossed the gun to her attacker.

     As soon as he caught it, it exploded in his arms, leaving him unconscious. Meanwhile, Larkin’s gun had been snatched from her grasp by her Ruki.

     She sighed. “Sometimes you have to do things the old fashioned way.”

     Then in one quick motion, she delivered a kick to the guard’s head. He fell to the ground unconscious as well.

     “C’mon, let’s get out of here,” ordered Larkin.

     The two quickly darted out of the museum with the painting.

      ***

     The next morning the sisters were meeting in the old lab, which had become their new headquarters. Myrtle was adjusting the painting on a wall, despite Larkin explaining that they were going to sell it soon.

     “Look here, we made the front-page pf the Neopian Times,” pointed out Larkin as she picked up the newspaper. She then read out, “ ‘A museum in Shenkuu was robbed last night. Both guards were knocked out and a painting was stolen. The painting was not very famous, but since it was taken, experts are guessing that its value was around one billion Neopoints. The guards identified the thieves as a female Lenny and Gnorbu. They are to be considered incredibly dangerous.’”

     “So, like, now what do we do?” asked Myrtle as she found the perfect place for it.

     “Well, I’m sure somebody will be able figure out who we are,” started Larkin. “Once they do they’ll demand that we return it and then we can start negotiating a price.”

     “Are you, like, totally sure that they’ll know who we are?” asked Myrtle.

     “Don’t worry, any detective will be able to analyze our finger prints and feathers and footprints,” assured Larkin. “I’m sure in a few months we’ll receive a neomail or hear a knock on the door.”

     "But you, like, said that we went in the window so that, like, no detective could, ever ever find us," whined the Gnorbu.

     "Yeah, I just said that to make you be quiet," confessed Larkin.

     Myrtle started to complain. "Hey, that-"

     She was interrupted by a gentle tap on the door. The two looked at each other in surprise and assumed imposing positions. Larkin briskly approached the door and opened it. She began to start some villain-y speech, but found that no one was there. She looked down and saw a basket of fruit and bread.

     “What the-” she gaped as she picked up a small note in the basket.

     The Shenkuuian paper merely said, Thank you for making my painting famous, and at the bottom, From Mr. Vert.

     “What is this!?” shouted Larkin angrily. “We stole a valuable painting and we get thanked for it? I demanded to be feared.”

     “Ah, chill out,” consoled Myrtle. “We got, like, a coolio new painting for our base and, like, recognition for our theft. We could be, like, unconventional villains. Now, are you gonna eat that, or what?”

     “I guess you’re right,” agreed Larkin as she picked up a dougnutfruit.

The End

 
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