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It's a Hard Life Being Evil


by 06dknibbs

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It's a hard life being evil...

     So many competitors...

     So many enemies (Of course, you make them all)...

     And most of all...

     So little love....

     Passers by point and stare; look, Mommy! It's that mean old nasty Malevolent Sentient Poogle Plushie again. Was it my fault I was zapped this way? NO!

     I remember the times when I had an owner. Being blue was peaceful and innocent, but that all changed when my owner stumbled across that secret laboratory. I was his favorite pet but then down came the thunder and BAM!

     At first I was praised.

     "Wow, you’re so rare," he would say.

     But I could see it in his eyes; my senses were five times as powerful and I knew he was living in constant fear of me. Gradually I began to share his fears; what if I really was evil? What if I really did want to cause pain and misery? This wasn't like me... my thoughts were beginning to change.

     Whenever I was offered food, I pretended I had stolen it, when I was groomed, I was looking the part for my next invasion. Books? Master plans. Battledome? MASS DESTRUCTION! I had become like all the rest. Not all MSPPs aim to be bad... but it's in our nature... we can't change that... can we?

     It was about that time I decided to use up the last bit of love I had left in my heart. I had to run away from my owner. I had to, I did! Before I did anything stupid... before maybe I hurt him...

     Hitting the road was something I never wanted to do, but who knew? Maybe one day I could fight the darkness that was claiming me and return to my past life. For now I needed a place to stay. The Neolodge was my first thought, but then, what if I went crazy overnight... you see, there's still some good in me... or at least there was. So I tried to purchase a neohome... but you need neopoints for that and how many pets go around with their owners' wallets? I questioned myself on this... seeing as I was evil, I traditionally should have stolen some money before running off, but like I said... I wasn't all bad.

     Town after town. world after world, but I couldn't find anywhere I could settle down and stay, until...

     This was the perfect place for someone like me to stay!! Ghosts, mummies, vampires, living trees, witches and more evil than you could ever imagine... It had everything! Immediately I began strolling through the Haunted Woods. I should have remembered this place from back when I was young. My owner and I set off exploring the worlds; I loved them all but there was always something that frightened me here... Now it looked like it was here that was frightened of me.

     If I couldn't find a place to stay here, then there was no hope left for me.

     Upon approaching a very strange looking tree, I discovered two Meepits which appeared to be brother and sister running what appeared to be a very successful housing estate business.

     "Um... please may I have a look around, please...?" I politely asked...

     There was complete silence... followed by a very painful bite to my chin!

     "PLEASE!? PLEASE!? LOOK AT YOU! YOU'RE GONNA BE GIVING US VILLAINS A BAD NAME ROUND HERE!!"

     "I... I'm sorry." This only angered them further.

     "SORRY!! YOU'RE LOOKING LIKE MR EVIL OF EVIL VILLE AND YET YOU'RE ACTING LIKE MR NICE OF Um..."

     "Nice Ville?" I offered.

     "No, Nice Ville, now be quiet and try that again!"

     "Again?"

     "Yes, again... now go! And act evil!"

     I paused and thought of how I was going to handle this and then slowly I turned around and said...

     "I WANT TO LOOK AT YOUR HOUSES!! SHOW ME NOOOOOWWWWW!!" This seemed to work as the two Meepits could barely moved and looked absolutely terrified.

     "Um... um... pay with... juice, please."

     "PLEASE!?" This was probably the first time I had started to enjoy being evil... was it the last?

     After a brief tour, I had finally found a place to live. Getting it free was the easy part; all it took was a...

     "BRAAINZZZ."

     And the Meepits shot right off.

     It was a small, abandoned house very close to Eliv Thade's castle. It was a place where I could hide, stay, and maybe plot some evil... I had nothing else to do. It was a place... a place I could hide in for the rest of eternity... when I was in a good mood.

     Now that I had a place to stay successfully, I had to get to know my neighbours, find out where the shops were and make sure I wasn't going to be attacked by other evil doers... I had to show em who was boss round here.

     These woods were infested with ghouls, ghouls who would soon be screaming, 'Stay away from him! That Poogle's mad, I tell ye.' Back in the days when I was... good, I would have been robbed of so many neopoints I'd be in debt to the thieves. But of course once your mind begins to change, you don't stand around and put up with things like that anymore. The world was going to have to invent a 'An Evil Poogle comes out and robs you of your... everything?' event.

     Approaching Edna's tower was my first bit of the plan. Get her out of the way and I had a whole view of the Haunted Woods from the top. Edna didn't really put up a fight. She should put extra security on her potions. Still... someone was going to have one very big surprise the next time they played Kiss the Mortog.

     Looking over the edge, I had a complete map of my victims' homes. The ghost that stole 20 NP was over by the Stone Dome... Did the Monocerous really think he could hide behind the gypsy camp? He was on my list for that time he frightened me so much I didn't step foot out of my bed for two whole weeks. And the Esophagor. He was going down; it's because of him I ended up so evil... in a way.

     Once my owner realised he could save up that much for a quest, I was doomed. Shortly after he began earning neopoints again, he had the map. The map that led me to be a Bori, a girl, a Kacheek, a boy, a Poogle and then... become MSPP! Basically the Esophagor started my downfall... how I missed the simple days... It's a hard life being evil, you know.

     Getting back my neopoints with interest was easy. You'd be surprised how paranoid those ghosts get around paint brushes. They just don't want to have to adjust to living again. The Monocerous didn't really do much damage to me... but I was evil now... and having so much fun. Anyone gets scared when someone sneaks up on you the moment you open a can of Achyfi. As if the taste isn't enough to give you nightmares... As for the Esophagor... I fed him all right... but not exactly what he had in mind.

     Revenge proved to be satisfactory. No one would come near me... but then...

     Everyone points and says, "Look, Mommy! It's that mean old nasty Malevolent Sentient Poogle Plushie."

     Nobody would try to be nice... why would an evil person want 'Nice?'

     Even if you do want a little care... care from a once loved owner... you never get it... you never get anything easy.

     Compared to me now, Sloth must be dressing up as a faerie and dancing around spreading happiness.

     I'm alone and that's that.

     Because... It’s a very hard life... being evil.

The End

 
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