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6 Monstrous Mutant Day Recipes


by natural

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Also by pixel

It’s Mutant Day, and what better way is there to celebrate than through food?

Neopia has been somewhat silent on the topic of Mutant Day traditional foods. We have books on Kreludan recipes, Meerca Day cookbooks and even Unusual Buzz Recipes – but we just couldn’t find one truly revolting recipe in the entirety of Neopia! We’ve decided to right this terrible injustice... so we’ve come up with six meals to tide you through Mutant Day, using common, every-day ingredients. Follow these simple recipes, and you won’t be celebrating on an empty stomach.

Read on for breakfast!

Mutant Pancakes

Ah, first on the list, first meal of the day! What better way to start off Mutant Day than with a good hearty dollop of slime on your breakfast? We like to use a little bit of our secret ingredient, Bubbling Healing Goo, for that unique taste, but if you’re really more of a Faerie Day person, then just dump in a handful of Mutant Tcheas. Mutant Pancakes are certainly not for the faint-hearted, but that vile, bitter taste in the back of your throat really peps you up for the day.

Ingredients

Chia Flour

A Bag of Sugar

Kau Kau Farm Milk

Mootix Egg

A Stick of Butter

Bubbling Healing Goo

Instructions

1) Beat the Mootix Eggs into the milk. Well, we say that, but it might take you a while to get hold of them... literally. Anyway, pick up the egg with your tweezers and them into the milk, like we said before. Don’t bother about picking out the shells, it adds that special Mutant Day crunch. Add butter, and sift the flour with the sugar.

2) Make a dent in the flour and pour in the milk. Beat the mixture into a batter.

3) Heat a butter-greased pan and pour in the batter.

4) Cook until bubbles appear on the surface - approximately one minute. Make sure to flip it over to cook both sides evenly. Don’t fuss too much if you burn yourself a little – see 6).

5) Continue until you've used up all the batter.

6) Serve the pancakes and pour the Bubbling Healing Goo over them. Try not to get any on the kitchen table, because it’ll eat right through. But if you picked up any nasty burns along the way, don’t worry! You’ll be healed up in no time.

Mutant Milkshake

The perfect drink to get you through all those Mutant Day celebrations! It really soothes a sore throat after all that growling. There’s nothing quite as refreshing as that overflow of grime on the cup’s rim. You don’t need to pay for a straw; just grab a tentacle of some sort. It’ll make you much more popular with the mutants when you pass it round at the festivities – though you might need to grab some extra toothpaste on the way home. At the very least, it’ll keep them occupied while you make your escape.

Ingredients

Brain Ice Cream

Kau Kau Farm Milk

Flavour to taste.

Roast Tentacle

Instructions

1) Browse Haunted Woods for the tentacle.

2) Put all the ingredients inside a blender; except, of course, for the tentacle.

3) Blend until the ingredients are pleasantly lumpy. There should be a number of brain chunks floating around the surface.

4) Fill your glass until it overflows, for that tasty sewage look.

5) Hollow out the tentacle and add to your milkshake. Voila, a straw! Just think of the extra slime you’ll inhale.

6) Bring your bucket closer. You know... just in case.

Mutant Carrot Cupcakes

Who doesn’t like cake? Who doesn’t like carrots? Who doesn’t like mutants? Wait, don’t answer that. In any case, this cupcake looks, feels and tastes disgusting – just how we like it! After the Mootix Egg incident at the start of the day, Larnikin Eggs may seem more trouble than they’re worth, but trust us, it gives the cupcake that slimy, crushed-petpetpet consistency we’re looking for.

Ingredients

Kacheek Flour

A Stick of Butter

Larnikin Eggs

A Bag of Sugar

Mutant Carrot

Instructions

1) Beat together sugar and butter until thick and sloppy.

2) Beat in eggs. This might take some time, considering the thickness of the mixture. Be careful not to lose sight of them.

3) Sift in the Kacheek Flour – recommended for that cheeky flavour (pun definitely intended!)

4) Grate the carrot in and stir. Due to the... somewhat scaly nature of Mutant Carrots, don’t be disheartened if you go through several graters. The carrot really brings out the colour in a cupcake.

5) Bake for twenty minutes, or until the cupcakes start crawling out of the oven. They won’t get too far, but keep petpets out of the kitchen just in case.

Mutant Cheese Pizza

It’s finally time to sit down for a proper meal. I hope you’re not expecting gourmet fare here – this is Mutant Day, remember! And don’t bother bringing out your knives and forks; getting a bit of slime down your arm is perfectly acceptable. This is another quick and easy meal, I mean why bother making dough from scratch when there’s celebrations to attend? The Cheery Tomatoes might seem a bit out of place, but just read on, dear friend. All will become clear. Incidentally, this is not a recipe for the sensitive chef...

Ingredients

Mutated Cheese

Cheery Tomatoes

Darigan Dough

Instructions

1) Roll out the dough and get it in a circle. This is more difficult than it sounds, as Darigan Dough has the unnerving tendency to fight back. But don’t worry! Once it’s been wrestled to the floor and flattened out a bit, the recipe only gets easier.

2) Smush the Cheery Tomatoes into a separate bowl. Just... just try and ignore their trusting little eyes. Scrape the much-less-cheerful mush onto the dough.

3) Grate on the Mutated Cheese. Ignore the smell. It’s supposed to be like that – honest.

4) Bake for ten minutes or until the cheese melts and the tomatoes stop screaming.

Mutant Apple Pie

Ingredients

Wheat Flour

A Stick of Butter

Three Mutant Apples

A Bag of Sugar

Little bit of Bottled Water

Instructions

1) Sieve the flour and salt into a bowl. Rub in the butter with your fingers until the mixture resembles breadcrumbs. It helps to have a little slime on your fingers to help combine the ingredients, but if you’ve followed the rest of our recipes, there should still be a little left from breakfast. Mutants don’t wash their hands, after all.

2) Add the water to the mixture and firm it up with your hand until it is suitable for rolling.

3) Divide the pastry into two halves. Take one half and roll it out.

4) Cover the pastry with the apples and sprinkle with sugar.

5) Roll out the other half and place it on top. Press down to make sure it is properly sealed. Trim off excess pastry.

6) Push your thumb all around the edge to seal the deal. Prick the surface of the pastry before you place it in the oven to make sure it doesn't explode, and then cook for 20-30 minutes.

7) You know it’s done when it’s moving slightly and growls when shaken. Serve and dust with sugar to keep it busy while you eat!

Mutant Smores

These smores are a great way to end Mutant Day – chocolate, cookie and marshmallow all in one! Even mutants have a sweet tooth, you know. And best of all, you get to crush Sloth’s head without fear of his giant lasers of doom, and enjoy a chocolatey treat as a reward! By the end of the day, you won’t want to mess around too much, so we’ve included a recipe that’s simple, fun and delicious. Just grab a peg for your nose. The Dung Cookies can be pretty... pungent.

Ingredients

Dung Cookie

Chocolate Doctor Sloth

Tasty Bag of Mutant Grundo Marshmallows

Instructions

1) Crush the Chocolate Doctor Sloth into little pieces. (This is our favourite part.) You can use your hands, a rolling pin or a giant novelty mallet if you like.

2) Place a handful of Sloth on each cookie. This is more delicious than it sounds, we promise.

3) Place a marshmallow or two on top of that.

3) Put another cookie on top of each one to make a sandwich. The dung really absorbs the chocolate!

4) Heat them until the marshmallow melts and the chocolate softens. They have a tendency to ooze a little, so try not to let them drip on you too much. You really don’t want the mutants to mistake you for an ingredient.

So there you have it, six slimy, stinking, sickening and deliciously horrific recipes to impress all your friends with on Mutant Day! Sure, your kitchen is now a smoking crater in the ground... and sure, maybe all your friends are in hospital with various suspicious diseases... but hey, at least you used up all those weird items in your fridge...

 
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