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The Neopian Food Review: Faerie Foods

by mrpanda1


Duty has called, Neopia. Have you ever gone to that favorite eatery, whether you prefer Hubert’s Hot Dogs or Kelp, and ordered something sublime? Wouldn’t you have liked to share your joy with the rest of us? That’s where I come in. I’ll eat at a variety of locations around the globe (and on the Space Station) so you can know what to eat when you go out. I’ll tell you what’s good and what you should definitely stay away from. From here on in, Neopia, you can count on me.

Faerie Foods has a reputation for serving light, refreshing snacks, often modeled after the many faeries of Neopia. This faerie theme makes Faerie Foods very popular with most of Neopia. Unfortunately, you may have to eat a lot of different foods to fill your stomach: foods such as Faerie Bubbles do not fill you up quickly. I would advise straight out that Grarrls and Skeiths might not be happy eating here – you should take them somewhere else. On the other hand, there are meals that would easily make most pets feel bloated. As always, I’ve found these items, and I’m ready to tell you what to eat when you go to Faerie Foods.

Faerie Foods sells two sandwiches at their shop inside the Faerie City that are really very filling. The first is the aptly named Bacon Belly Buster. It’s a sandwich filled with bacon, cheese, and faerie leaves (and, of course, a healthy serving of their special “faerie dust”, which seems to be on every dish). This sandwich can leave you feeling full for days – maybe that’s the effect of the faerie dust. Only the faeries will ever know that. The other sandwich is the Pigalicious Ham Sandwich. It’s served on wing-shaped bread and filled with ham, more bacon, and some cheese. Both sandwiches are really very good, too – even better if you get the Faeries to heat them up for you. The melted cheese is very good. Just find a fire faerie and I’m sure she won’t mind helping you.

Foods such as Baked Faerie Corn, Faerie Asparagus, Faerie Carrot, Faerie Artichoke, Faerie Beetroot, and Faerie Pineapple are all fun because they come with faerie wings attached – that means that they can fly away while you’re eating! Their wings don’t have enough power to get them very far, which keeps them from being too annoying while you’re eating. Young pets (and baby pets) are always fascinated by this – even if they don’t like to eat their vegetables, they’ll want to eat these tempting, flying meals.

The best of the faerie-themed meals are all really good. If you like things spicy, try the Fire Faerie Apple or the Fire Faerie Mushroom. If you want your drink to be just as spicy, drink it through a Fire Faerie Straw – it’s got “carnapepper flavored sugar” in it to make anything a bit sweeter and a lot spicier. The Light Faerie Mushroom is a favorite of mine because of the light it gives off. In fact, it gives off so much light that you can see it glowing inside you for a few minutes after you’ve eaten it. That’s really amazing. Also good is the Taelia Sundae; since it’s made with the Snow Faerie’s own personal recipe, it will stay cold and never melt, even if you take it to Sakhmet. They should really sell Taelia Sundaes in the Lost Desert. They’d make lots of money there, don’t you think?

One of the absolute best desserts anywhere, in my opinion, is Faerie Foods’ Fruity Faerie Fingers. It’s a good thing this isn’t Spooky Foods – if it was, they’d actually be made of faerie fingers. Thankfully, though, they’re only sticks of bread that really just melt in your mouth, served with some of the best raspberry jam that you’ve ever tasted. If you’re looking for something light, quick, and delicious, go for the Fruity Faerie Fingers.

Other meals to try: Bubbling Burping Juice, Celestial Salad, Jhuidahs Tangy Fruit Juice, Space Faerie Mushroom, anything with ‘Fyora’ in its name

The first complaint I had with Faerie Foods was with their Delicate Faerie Nachos. The word “delicate” here is an understatement. Trying to pick up a chip in this dish will almost always result in failure: they usually break apart and crumble when touched. They’re almost impossible to eat, unless you can scoop them up quickly with a spoon. The toppings on the nachos are okay, but if you’re not careful, the toppings may be the only part of the meal that you’ll get to eat.

I’m not a fan of the Light Faerie Sorbet. Although it does get some points for being fun and glowing while you eat it, its radiance stops there. Apparently, from what I hear, the magic that makes it give off light also makes the sorbet melt at a much faster pace. You’ll have to race to eat this dish if you ever buy it.

The Faerie Leaves Hot Dog and the Illusen Day Hot Dog are both similar, but one of those similarities makes them very undesirable to me. They both use leaves – legitimate leaves, not lettuce or cabbage – which, as I can only assume they would say, makes the hot dogs “healthier”. What’s the point of a healthy hot dog? If I wanted to eat a hot dog, I’d already be prepared to take the hit to my diet. Taking flavor out and replacing it with “health food” is unacceptable to me.

The Jhudora Faerie Straw is pretty vile – it says that it’s filled with grape and lime flavored sugar, but my suspicion is that Jhudora prepares the straws herself and fills them with some sort of powder that makes any drink taste terrible. I had two of the same drink; one was plain, one had a Jhudora Faerie Straw in it. The plain one was decent, but with the straw, it was unbearable. Unless you want your food to taste like... well, I don’t even know what it tastes like, but if you want your drinks to taste good, don’t get this straw.

Other meals to avoid: Dark Faerie Mushroom, Grey Faerie Mushroom, Jolly Green Jiggling Jelly, Voidberry Faerie Bubble.

Faerie Foods, overall, is a great place to eat. On a scale of 10, I give Faerie Foods an 8. It’s easy to see why this is a favorite place to eat for lots of Neopians. Their food is often light, airy, and delicious, but even when the chefs stray from this theme, the results are just as good. I don’t want to get on Jhudora’s bad side here, but if they just took out a few of her menu items, Faerie Foods could be so much better.

That’s the last review! If you liked any of them, don’t be afraid to send me a neomail and try to get me to continue later on. :)

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