Petpets: A Guide to Rocks
Have you ever heard of a pet rock? Of course you have. Rocks are the best petpets around! What more could you want than a round, grey rock? You can even paint them! And play with them! And dress them up! And... alright, I'll stop for the sake of your sanity. My point is, rocks rock! (Excuse the bad pun.) In this article I will explain to all of you cynics out there just why rocks are so great.
There are many uses for a pet rock. For example, if you are extremely bored at Kiko Lake, why not skip a few rocks? Oh, wait, there are no rocks around. Whatever will you do? *Gasp* Well, your pet rock is sitting right there next to you. In a few minutes your boredom will be diminished! What's this? That cold Terror Mountain wind is blowing all of your papers around! If only you had a paper weight. Cue: pet rock entrance. All your worries are solved! Also, rocks are perfect for smashing those squares in Destruct-O-Match. And if you want to be very boring and scientific-like, you can perform tests on your petpet and see just how old it is and what kind of rock it is--Sedimentary, igneous, or metamorphic? These are the questions in life we must ask ourselves.
Taking care of your rock:
Now we will move on to how you can keep your pet rock happy! Although rocks may look like simple creatures, they are very high maintenance. These little petpets require daily scrubbing and polishing. After all, lots of dirt gets stuck in those cute little creases! This especially happens after long walks, which they also expect daily from their owners. But please don't let any of this discourage you, because these companions are well worth it. Pet rocks are very picky eaters, but the one thing they love is slushies. It really depends on the individual--some relish Space Slushies, while Sour Lemon Slushies tickle others' fancies. Still others are fans of Coco Whip Slushies, but I should warn you that the latter makes pet rocks bounce off the walls, which can be quite dangerous.
Rocks are roughly 450k on the Trading Post. Oh, don't give me that shocked “I'm-not-going-to-buy-a-rock-for-450k!” expression! Let me make one thing perfectly clear: Rocks are worth it. They are the best companions a Neopian has ever asked for. And don't you ever say anything about high prices around rocks; it makes them feel like they aren't worth it. We don't want that, now, do we?
There are thousands of colors you can paint your rock! ...Okay, well, there are 16 different colors, but you get the idea. I do believe we should take a look at them! Shall we?
The “Primary Rock Colors”- Pink, purple, green and blue are the primary colors. (And no, don't give me that baloney about the primary colors being yellow, blue and red. It's not true, I tell you, not true!) These four wonderful colors are dazzling colors, and sure to brighten anyone's day!
Christmas Rock--This fabulous colored rock has a gaudy red ribbon tied around it in a bow. Christmas rocks have the appearance of coal. When many Neopians saw this jolly petpet in their stockings, they thought that they had been naughty, only to find it was a playmate for them! What a wonderful Christmas present.
Desert Rock--Wow! This rock looks just like Coltzan's Shrine! No, silly, it's not the real one. What do you think I am, a faerie? He's just a painted rock. Maybe if you're really nice to him, your petpet will give you some burnt Lost Desert food, or, if you're really lucky, your hands will even glow blue for a minute!
Mutant Rock--This rock obviously had a rough childhood. See that green slime all over him? Well, in my expert opinion, I would say those are rock tears. Yes, it is very rare for a rock to cry. Maybe this little fellow just never found a home. Look how, erm, adorable he is! Maybe you should adopt him.
Island Rock--This little rock must have been found on Mystery Island! Do you see how he looks like a Mau Codestone? Don't be trading him in for courses at the Mystery Island Training School. That would be such a poor way to treat your little friend, really.
Pirate Rock--Avast, Matey! Ye be wantin' a pirate fella, look no further. This cuddly rock even has an eye patch, belt, bandana and earring. Perfect for all those future sea expeditions around Krawk Island. This lad is quite the little sea navigator! Pawkeets are so last year--any pirate will say so.
Faerie Rock--What a beautiful rock! It's obvious that this petpet grew up in Faerieland. Notice those wings! These rocks are excellent fliers. Faerie rocks require a bit of extra care; they have to have daily flying practice and their favorite pastime is gazing at themselves in the mirror. But it's all well worth it. Just look at those darling little antennae!
Fire Rock--Ouch! Be careful with that little devil. (And I mean that in the most affectionate of ways.) He's very hot! These flaming little rocks were all the rage in Tyrannia a few years back when they were trying to uncover the key to creating fire! Just make sure you get a fire-proof leash for your petpet.
Custard Rock--You'd better not sink your teeth into that tasty morsel... it's your petpet! Yes, I know that he's dripping in yummy custard-ness, but you may not under any circumstances bite into your rock. First of all, it's considered petpet cruelty, and the Petpet Protection League (PPL) will have your tail! Secondly, you'll probably lose a tooth.
Halloween Rock--What a spooky tombstone! Should we run? I don't like graveyards. They're scary. Oops! Silly me, it's just a Halloween Rock. The engraving on his forehead reads “R. I. P.”. But don't worry, it's just a Halloween costume! Inside he's the same heart-of-gold companion he always has been. Sheesh, there's no need to feel frightened.
Plushie Rock--This is probably the softest, most cuddly rock you will ever encounter. He even has a blue and green patch on his cheek. A perfect petpet for those mommies to give to their baby neopets. There's no way you'll be able to hurt yourself on a plushie! And so sooooft... and cuuuddly...
Glowing Rock--It looks to me like that poor rock fell in a vat of toxic waste. What's that eerie green glow on him? Ahhh, well! If you ever lose the keys to your neohome, your trusty pet rock will come to your rescue and give you some light! Now isn't he helpful?
Rock--And last, but definitely not least, we have the... *drumroll* Rock! He doesn't have an eyepatch or glow in the dark, but this little rock is a wonderful friend. He'll never tell you just how bad that outfit looks that you designed on Fashion Fever, and he'll always play hide-and-go-seek with you... and win. If there is one thing that rocks love more than slushies, it's an owner who will love him forever and always.
I hope I have convinced you what an asset pet rocks are to Neopia. In fact, I've re-convinced myself! I am going to go play with my rock right now. You should too! He's probably getting lonely without you. As the avatar says, “I Love My Rock!”
Yay! My first article in the Neopian Times! Thanks to stormfur_warrior_luv for editing, and thank YOU for reading! :)