Where there's a Weewoo, there's a way Circulation: 175,200,932 Issue: 414 | 16th day of Collecting, Y11
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The Return of Sloth: The Musical! - Part One

by rosabellk


Act I

[The curtain rises on a dingy corner of the Virtupets Space Station: a maintenance tunnel. Soon, Gorix, a blue Grundo, enters from stage left. He walks cautiously, yet has a jaunty air about him. Before he has gone very far, his wrist communicator beeps. Commander Valka’s voice comes through it.]

Valka: Commander Valka to Gorix; I need a volunteer.

Gorix: Gorix back to Valka; I read you loud and clear.

Whatever you want, I’m your pet; I can check it out.

Valka: Well, Gorix, you need to meet up with the Cybunny Scout.

She has some information that will greatly help our cause.

We have to keep her from the grasp of Sloth’s far-reaching claws.

Gorix: You got it, sir, I’m on the job, I’ll search throughout the station

Until I’ve found this Scout of yours and reported her location.

Valka: I knew that I could count on you, I’ve never had a doubt.

You’re the best in the Resistance. Valka over and out.

Gorix [to himself]: The Cybunny Scout: no trouble there. I’ll find her easily.

This task of mine will be a breeze, just you wait and see.

I’m Gorix the bold, Gorix the strong, Gorix the stunningly charming.

I have so many strong points that it almost is alarming.

I’ve fought ‘gainst Sloth since I was born, I’m key in the Resistance.

When Valka needs a mission done, I always go the distance.

But back now to my task at hand: I need to find the Scout.

So here I go! I’ll travel through this trusty maintenance route.

I think I’ll start my search for her in the lower photon cubes;

So onward, then! I’ll make my way into the series of tubes.

[Gorix exits through a trapdoor in the floor of the stage. Lights down. Scene change: a bustling part of the space station: all bright colors and gleaming metal. A family of Cybunnies enters from stage right. The child is Cylara, a young pet, but courageous and plucky beyond her years. Her father, Simon, is excitable and easily distracted; her mother, Mella, is similarly inquisitive, but more stable.]

Simon: Look at that! Look at this! Ooh, look over here!

Not a single thing amiss; boy, this device is queer.

What does this do? What’s that for? This thing’s got a lever.

I love this metal-filled décor. Aren’t these gadgets clever?

Mella: Simon, dear, just settle down. Please don’t make a scene

Be quiet while you look around; do you know what I mean?

I didn’t think you’d be like this when I planned our vacation. [she sees a petpet]

Oh, my! How does this thing exist? What great imagination

Is possessed by Virtupet engineers. Cylara, do you see?

Cylara: Can we just get some souvenirs? You’re embarrassing to me!

Simon: Come on, Cylara, isn’t this neat? Aren’t you having fun?

Cylara: I am, but I’m completely beat. Is the tour nearly done?

[Simon and Mella wander stage left, admiring various aspects of the Space Station. Cylara is left alone and sings directly to the audience in a strong soprano.]

Cylara: I love this vacation, I’m having a blast.

The Space Station really is cool.

It’s fun seeing all of these robots amassed;

This is way better than school!

Although the Space Station is often maligned

For harboring minions of Sloth,

It’s a wonderful place for a fanciful mind;

I’m drawn to it, much like a moth

That is drawn to the pull of a flickering flame

Mindless of possible danger.

Right now it all seems like a wonderful game,

Sightseeing, meeting with strangers,

Playing some Gormball, Grundo’s Café,

Blasting all those Evil Fuzzles.

So much to do, and so much to survey!

It’s like an incredible puzzle!

Far away from Neopia, floating above,

I’ve discovered a place that I totally love.

[Suddenly, sirens and klaxons begin to sound and red lights flash. All the pets onstage begin to panic and run about. Cylara is separated from her parents. After a few moments, Garoo, a burly Blumaroo, and his troopers enter. Garoo immediately takes command of the stage with his intimidating presence and begins to sing in a deep bass.]

Garoo: Stay calm, civilians, and please do not panic;

You’re under Sloth’s rule now. Do not become manic.

Now give up your weapons, don’t put up a fight.

Prepare to surrender to Sloth’s deadly might.

Kougra Tourist: What do you mean? What’s this all about?

Garoo: It’s easily seen; I thought there’d be no doubt.

Our glorious leader has just taken charge

Of the whole Space Station. Neopia’s ours!

(Or will be, at least, once his plan takes effect.)

So all of you’d better show Sloth some respect.

Fall into line, and be orderly, please.

I don’t want to hear so much as a sneeze!

Resistance is futile! After all, can’t you see?

All of your base are belong to me.

Mella: Simon, where’s Cylara? She was standing right here.

Simon: Our daughter is lost in the crowd, I fear.

Mella: What should we do? We can’t protest, or else...

Simon: All we can do now is fend for ourselves.

Garoo: Be quiet, you two! I don’t like disrespect.

And now, my dear troops, it is time to inspect

This rabble to find the Cybunny Scout.

Get going, my minions! Go seek her out!

[A lithe young Cybunny steps forward and sings:]

Scout: The Cybunny Scout? That’s me! I’m in trouble!

I’d better blend in with the crowd on the double!

[The Cybunny Scout looks around and spots Mella and Simon. She runs for them.]

Scout: Mommy! Daddy! (Please play along,

Because if you don’t, things will quickly go wrong.)

Mella [hesitantly]: Look, Simon, our daughter. We’re now reunited.

Simon: What? [Mella elbows him] Oh, yes! Our daughter! I’m very excited!

[The Cybunny Scout rolls her eyes at Mella and Simon’s terrible acting. Meanwhile, far stage right, Cylara sees the preceding and is confused.]

Cylara: What’s happening here? What’s with this aberration?

I didn’t have this in mind for our vacation.

[Gorix pops his head in from stage right and catches Cylara’s attention.]

Gorix: Hey, little Cybunny! At last! There you are.

Come quickly with me; we must get very far

Away from this crowd and from all of Sloth’s minions.

Cylara: But I –

Gorix: Just come on! There’s no time for opinions!

[Gorix grabs Cylara by the shoulder and drags her off right. Lights down. Scene change: Resistance HQ. This is a very high-tech room, dressed in shades of bright green. Computer terminals cover the walls, and are manned by a variety of pets, all wearing the Resistance uniform. Commander Valka stands in the middle of the room, hunched over a table on which there is a map of the Space Station. Valka is a green Ixi with a very commanding presence and a well-maintained goatee. Gorix enters from stage right, dragging Cylara along with him. Valka straightens up.]

Gorix: I’ve found the Cybunny Scout!

Valka: This isn’t the Cybunny Scout.

Cylara [simultaneously]: I’m not the Cybunny Scout!

Gorix [spoken, confused]: Erm... what?

Cylara: You grabbed me so fast, I’d no time to explain.

I’m not who you’re looking for! Are you insane?

Valka: This isn’t the Cybunny Scout; not at all.

(For one, the real Scout is a little more tall.)

She’s just a civilian. Gorix, don’t you see?

You’ve brought the wrong Cybunny girl to me!

Gorix: Well, Sir, if you’d been just a little more clear –

Valka: Bah! For this, your punishment will be severe.

Cylara: But what about me? Now I’m stuck in this mess.

Valka: We’ll get you to safety; you can’t be our guest.

This situation’s too dangerous for you.

Cylara: Hey, don’t count me out! I can be of help too.

Valka: You? What could you possibly do to help out?

Cylara: Plenty! Now tell what this Resistance’s about.

Valka: Gorix, what have you to say about this?

Gorix: She’s one of us now. We would be quite remiss

Not to tell her about all of the things that we know.

Valka: Very well, then. She doesn’t have to go. [Cylara hops with glee.]

I’ll tell you a story, one dark and dour

About an odd scientist, gone mad with power.

[Valka steps forward. The stage lights dim and a spotlight is thrown on the Ixi. He sings solemnly, in a strong baritone.]

Valka: Sloth came from afar,

From some distant star.

No one knows where

His origins are.

He was brilliant and clever,

But always endeavored

To impose his own power

Everywhere and forever.

When he came to our planet

And started to scan it,

He knew it was special.

And so, he began it.

A scheme oh-so evil

‘Twas almost medieval.

Neopia surely was doomed

To upheaval.

He planned to make mutants

With vile pollutants.


Was his solution.

Grundos he enslaved,

But freedom they craved.

And so they rebelled,

And the day was saved.

The Space Faerie, too,

Helped to see us through.

She used all her power

To bid Sloth adieu.

So Sloth was adjourned,

But quickly we learned

That someone like him

Would be quick to return.

And so we prepared,

For none of us dared

To be less than ready

When war was declared.

We formed the Resistance

(With the Space Faerie’s assistance)

To look out for Sloth

With diligence and persistence.

And now that day’s come.

We’re crushed under his thumb.

But do not lose hope,

For we will not succumb!

[After Valka delivers his final, triumphant line, he retreats to his former position and the lights return to normal. Cylara looks stunned.]

Cylara: I had no idea about this brave group.

Why were we all kept out of the loop?

Gorix: A secret society has to be secret!

Besides, Neopia’d surely critique it.

After all, who’d have thought that Sloth would return?

But we knew that he would, and thus our concern.

Cylara: Why can’t we ask for the Space Faerie’s assistance?

Valka: We would, but she’s in another star system.

She went there to check out an unusual scan.

No doubt ‘twas a decoy. Curse Sloth’s clever plan!

Gorix: So what do I do?

Cylara: You mean “we.”

Gorix: Yes, of course.

Valka: I think that we have to go straight to the source:

The Cybunny Scout. We still have to find her.

Cylara can help, provided you don’t mind her.

Gorix: It’s all right with me if she tags along.

Cylara: Oh, goodie! At last, I feel like I belong!

Valka: All right, then, get to it; there’s no time to waste.

Go bring back the Scout, but hurry! Make haste!

The Resistance will help you; we will give you aid.

To free all the prisoners, we’ll mount a crusade.

When we distract the guards, the coast’ll be clear

To get Cylara safely out of here.

[Gorix and Cylara quickly exit stage right, followed by about a dozen other members of the Resistance. Lights down. End of Act I.]

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