Preparing Neopia for the Meepits Circulation: 173,432,373 Issue: 405 | 14th day of Hiding, Y11
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The Aisha and the S750 Kreludan Defender Robot


by goodsigns

--------

"YOU DO NOT HAVE AUTHORIZATION - GET OUT!"

      "What do you mean?" I asked sweetly. "Of course I do."

      The S750 Kreludan Defender Robot scanned me over.

      "ERROR! ERROR! THERE HAS BEEN NO AUTHORIZATION GIVEN TO SPECKLED AISHAS!"

      "Yes, there has," I replied. "Authorization has been given to me."

      The S750 Kreludan Defender Robot seemed to process that, then it held out a keyboard and said "ENTER AUTHORIZATION CODE."

      I yawned. Then I began playing with my ears.

      "ENTER AUTHORIZATION CODE."

      "Enter authorization code WHAT?" I replied.

      "NOT RELEVANT - ENTER AUTHORIZATION CODE."

      "Haven't you ever heard of the magic word?" I asked innocently.

      "TRICK QUESTION. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS MAGIC - ENTER AUTHORIZATION CODE."

      "Say please," I persisted.

      The S750 Kreludan Defender Robot scanned me over again. Then, to my alarm, aimed his laser gun at me.

      "I DO NOT TAKE ORDERS FROM YOU. YOU DO NOT HAVE AUTHORIZATION - GET OUT!"

      "Whoa, hold on a sec there!" I said, backing away. "I have authorization, Mr. Bossy-pants."

      "ERROR! THIS MACHINE IS NOT LABELED MR. BOSSY-PANTS! THIS MACHINE IS A KRELUDAN DEFENDER ROBOT ITEM NUMBER S750 - ENTER AUTHORIZATION CODE."

      "Oh, okay. Hello, Mr. Kreludan Defender Robot Item Number S750. My name is Creamy_Lemon_Pie, but my nickname is Cream. Do you have a nickname? Because honestly, S750 Kreludan Defender Robot is sort of a mouthful--"

      "IRRELEVANT QUESTION - ENTER AUTHORIZATION CODE."

      "Do you always have to shout? Aishas have delicate hearing, you know. Oh, that reminds me of a joke! What's worse than an Aisha with a ear ache?"

      "IRRELEVANT QUESTION - ENTER AUTHORIZATION CODE."

      "An Elephante with allergies! Ha ha ha!"

      "YOU DO NOT HAVE AUTHORIZATION - GET OUT!" the S750 Kreludan Defender Robot screamed again.

      "Geeze, you could have just told me that you've heard that one before. No need to get angry about it." I was actually offended. That was one of my best jokes.

      "ERROR! ERROR! MACHINES CANNOT GET ANGRY. MACHINES DO NOT HAVE EMOTIONS. EMOTIONS ARE IRRELEVANT, ILLOGICAL, AND UNNECESSARY."

      I laughed. "Now THAT'S a good joke! Machines can't get angry! Ha ha! Have you looked in the mirror lately? You practically scream angry! You could really use a makeover. In fact, I have this Pretty Pink Flower Hat that would look just lovely on you. And with a bit of blush, you could look --"

      "YOU DO NOT HAVE AUTHORIZATION - GET OUT!" Again the S750 Kreludan Defender Robot pointed his laser gun at me.

      "Hey, I do so have authorization!" I said. "You are so impatient. And you need to learn some manners. I was offering to give you a makeover! You could have just said 'No thank you!'"

      "ENTER AUTHORIZATION CODE," the S750 Kreludan Defender Robot said again, showing me the keyboard.

      "You know, I need to give you a nickname," I said, ignoring the keyboard. "How about Sally? You look like a Sally to me."

      "IRRELEVANT - ENTER AUTHORIZATION CODE."

      "Okay! Sally it is then!" I said cheerfully. "So, Sally, how have you been?"

      "ERROR! ERROR! ERROR! THIS MACHINE IS NOT SALLY! THIS MACHINE IS A KRELUDAN DEFENDER ROBOT NUMBER S750!"

      "Fine, no Sally," I said. Though, to be honest, it really looked like a Sally to me. "So if you're Kreludan Defender Robot number S750, does that mean there are 749 other Kreludan Defender Robots? But that would be only for 'S', so there would be other letters of the alphabet too, right? And are you the highest numbered S robot, or are there numbers higher than 750? And what happens after you get to letter Z? What will you use then?"

      "ERROR! PLEASE STATE ONLY ONE QUESTION AT A TIME!"

      "Ha!" I shouted, triumphant. " I knew you knew the magic word!"

      "ERROR! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS MAGIC!"

      I rolled my eyes. "What do you mean? Of course there is such a thing as magic!"

      "YOU DO NOT HAVE AUTHORIZATION! - GET OUT!"

      "Who told you I don't have authorization? I have authorization!"

      "ENTER AUTHORIZATION CODE!"

      "Fine. The authorization code is seven, three, nine, two, two, zero, five, eight, one."

      "THAT IS NOT THE AUTHORIZATION CODE! YOU DO NOT HAVE AUTHORIZATION! - GET OUT!"

      "What!?" I asked. "I was sure that was the authorization code!"

      "YOU DO NOT HAVE AUTHORIZATION! - GET OUT!"

      "Hmm. I wrote the code down. Here let me check to see if I brought the paper." I reached down to check my pockets, but then I remembered that I don't wear pants. "Nope, I didn't bring that piece of paper. Are you sure the code isn't 7 9 2 2 0 5 8 1?"

      "THAT IS NOT THE AUTHORIZATION CODE! YOU DO NOT HAVE AUTHORIZATION! - GET OUT!"

      "Hmm, maybe I messed up. Here, let me think a little bit." I sat down on a moon rock and thought. What was that stupid authorization code?

      "Ah ha! I think I remember. Is the authorization code 7, 5, 2, 3, 0, 1, 9, 4?"

      "THAT IS NOT THE AUTHORIZATION CODE! YOU DO NOT HAVE AUTHORIZATION - GET OUT!"

      "Oh no! I must have forgotten it then. What shall I do?" I sat down again to think. Then my brain hatched a brilliant idea. I mean, sometimes my brain's ideas get me into trouble (and it's not my fault! It's my brain's fault) but this idea was too good to get me into trouble!

      "Okay, I have a plan, Mr. S750 Kreludan Defender Robot, I need to enter the authorization code."

      "ENTER AUTHORIZATION CODE!"

      "Zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero."

      "THAT IS NOT THE AUTHORIZATION CODE! YOU DO NOT HAVE AUTHORIZATION! - GET OUT!"

      "Okay, zero zero zero zero zero zero zero one."

      "THAT IS NOT THE AUTHORIZATION CODE! YOU DO NOT HAVE AUTHORIZATION! - GET OUT!"

      "Zero zero zero zero zero zero zero two."

      "THAT IS NOT THE AUTHORIZATION CODE! YOU DO NOT HAVE AUTHORIZATION! - GET OUT!" The S750 Kreludan Defender Robot (A.K.A. Sally) screamed again, pointing his laser gun at me. This plan might get me into trouble after all (stupid brain)!

      "Fine. Touchy. I guess I'll just skip this month's Booktastic Book Club." I sat down and pouted. I was really looking forward to it, too. We were going to be talking about one of my favorites, 101 Stale Bread Recipes. Stupid Sally.

      "ERROR! THIS IS NOT THE BOOKTASTIC BOOK CLUB! THIS IS THE KRELUDAN MINING COOPERATION, RUN BY THE SUPREME OVERLORD DOCTOR SLOTH."

      "Wait, what?" I asked.

      "ERROR! THIS IS NOT THE BOOKTASTIC BOOK CLUB! THIS IS THE KRELUDAN MINING COOPERATION, RUN BY THE SUPREME OVERLORD DOCTOR SLOTH," Sally repeated.

      I shook my head. "No, this is the Booktastic Book Club. This is where we always have it."

      "ERROR! THIS IS NOT THE BOOKTASTIC BOOK CLUB! THIS IS THE KRELUDAN MINING COOPERATION, RUN BY THE SUPREME OVERLORD DOCTOR SLOTH."

      "Oh come on, you can't fool me. I KNOW this is the Booktastic Book Club. It's pretty obvious."

      "ERROR! THIS IS NOT THE BOOKTASTIC BOOK CLUB! THIS IS THE KRELUDAN MINING COOPERATION, RUN BY THE SUPREME OVERLORD DOCTOR SLOTH."

      "Oh come on. Let me in." I was starting to get impatient with Sally. I mean, a joke is only funny so far.

      "ENTER AUTHORIZATION CODE PLEASE."

      "I already entered the authorization code. Bernard gave it to me. It's seven, three, nine, two, two, zero, five, eight, one."

      "THAT IS NOT THE AUTHORIZATION CODE! YOU DO NOT HAVE AUTHORIZATION! - GET OUT!"

      "Oh come on! Just let me into the meeting!" I shouted, stomping my foot. My two tall ears were twitching. They usually did when I got mad.

      "ERROR! THIS IS NOT THE BOOKTASTIC BOOK CLUB! THIS IS THE KRELUDAN MINING COOPERATION, RUN BY THE --"

      "Ya ya, I know," I interrupted. "Come on, Sally. If this isn't the Booktastic Book Club, than what is?"

      Sally pointed a giant finger toward a building on the edge of the horizon. "THAT IS THE BOOKTASTIC BOOK CLUB."

      I squinted to see it. Then realization dawned on me.

      "Oh, THAT'S the Booktastic Book Club. Huh. Sorry, Sally, you were right. Well, see ya!" I turned to go. As I was leaving, I heard a beeping sound. I turned around, and saw Sally explode! Poor Sally. It must have been so sad that I was leaving.

      *****

      "Sir, it happened again." The orange Grundo turned around in his chair to see his master. Dr. Sloth sighed.

      "We really need to make these robots more efficient. It'd help if neopets stopped teasing them. Send out S751 Kreludan Defender Robot."

      The robot was sent out. After about 30 minutes, it spotted a speckled Aisha, walking towards it.

The End (?)

 
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