Caution: Quills may be sharp Circulation: 173,334,153 Issue: 404 | 7th day of Hiding, Y11
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The Fountain Faerie's Fan Mail


by ju_ju_beans220

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"Miss Fountain Faerie, Ma'am," the short, pudgy, Green Gelert in charge of delivering the mail stuttered as he called out from the edge of the Rainbow Fountain.

     "Hello, Gerard." The Fountain Faerie gave a gracious smile as she motioned for him to put the packages as close to her as possible.

     "Have a good evening," he wheezed, slicking his fur back with his clammy palms and trudging away.

     Diving until she reached the packages, she took one blue-painted fingernail and pried the cardboard box open, peeking inside. Envelopes of all shapes and sizes were crammed inside.

     She gave an easy-going smile and sat on the edge, her tail flicking water out of the fountain and coloring several green plants that grew along the border.

     Of everything she did, her fan mail was certainly the most illuminant part of her day.

     The beauty of it? The gamut of the letters, which extended from normality to obsessive to insulting and back again.

     And somehow, she loved it all.

     ***

     Dear Fountain Faerie,

     Ohemgee! I cannot believe I'm seriously writing to you! Ahh! My best friend Cornelia was all like, "Shannon, you can't write to her, she'll diss you!" but then I was all like, "Hush! I'm too cool, and she knows that." Now I'm writing to you! Your hair is amazingly awesome! Do you dye it? I tried sticking my head in a tub of butter like Jhudora says you do, but all it did was make people smear bread on my scalp and eat the butter! Seriously unfair, right? Is it nice sitting in your pool all day? I bet you must get an amazing tan!!! Ugh, Cornelia's making me stop writing so that she can use my pen to write to Eddie, her friend in Maraqua. Thanks for everything! I love you!

     Amazingly yours,

     Shannon

     ***

     Dear Faerie of the Fountain {If that IS your real name},

     My name is Zaffania Dolores Anna Pattinson. ZDAP for short. And I'm onto you. You're working for the evil Doctor Sloth! The malevolent gleam, the promise to make pets beautiful for an item... and perhaps their unending loyalty for Sloth? You put on a lovely disguise as an innocent water Faerie, but stalking everyone, prowling along the streets, and waiting for the correct moment to present someone with a quest? Pfft. That's clearly spy-in-training technique number 47. Your case is valid, appearing by day to be beautiful and helpful, then turning around and cackling to yourself about your minions accumulated that day. I, ZDAP, refuse to allow ANYONE to cackle! EVER!

     You have been warned.

     Sneakily,

     Zaffania Dolores Anna Pattinson

     ***

     Dear Fountain Faerie,

     Hello? Why haven't you come to bring me a Fountain Faerie Quest yet? My owner complains day in and day out about my "ugly" starry color, even though SHE painted me herself. If I get one, I will return the item in approximately fourteen point seven seconds, then hurry off to your fountain and paint myself pirate. Ah- Thomas the Pirate Eyrie... That has a lovely ring to it, doesn't it? I've been a brave neopet. I've given my sister the last cookie when she didn't deserve it and have been a good boy to Patrick, my Wuzzle. I have never provoked the wrath of Jhudora or filled myself like a glutton. Please come give me a quest! I'd admire you even more for giving me a chance.

     Regards,

     Thomas The Pirate

     P.S.: PLEASE?

     ***

     Dear Fountain Faerie,

     Do you find that more and more times you don't feel like walking to a million shops? Getting the baguettes from the Breadmaster and your organic apples from somewhere else? Well, the general store has everything you need! With an always-lasting supply of food, books, clothes, and many other items, you'll never again find the need to spend the entire day traipsing through Neopia when you could be watching a Poogle race or watching a Tiki Tour! Come visit the general store, with friendly management and a clean, reasonably-priced shop, the next time you visit Neopia Central!

     Sincerely,

     Martin LaWocky

     Manager

     ***

     Dear Fountain Faerie,

     Thank you so much for coming and giving me a quest! I never felt content for the 10 minutes between my creation and my painting. Being a Maraquan Ixi has always been one of my dreams, besides opening my own ice cream parlor and taking control of Neop-I mean ending the sorrow of underfed pets. Anyways, I really appreciate everything that you've done for me and my owner. My owner is absolutely in love with my new appearance, and besides that, I'm now the most popular girl! Thank you again for everything.

     Gratefully,

     Victoria

     ***

     Dear Clarissa,

     Who gave YOU permission to allow fan mail? Fyora, I, and even that little snot Illusen don't ask for fan mail, nor do we receive any. I'm sure that you're bursting, considering this is probably the first and only letter you've received in the last nine years, so HAH! You stink, and I can't believe you actually have the nerve and the shame to call yourself a faerie. You disgust me. The Dark Faeries send a big "bleh" at you. It should be arriving in the mail. Oh wait, you don't GET any mail! HA HA HA! I'm priceless. You should be bowing and kissing this ink because I wrote you this, you sorrowful person.

     ~Jhudora

     ***

     Dear Fountain Faerie,

     I've admired you and have loved you for almost half a decade. Your wisdom, charm, beauty, and skills impress me and make my heart sing with praises and admiration to you, oh beautiful Fountain Faerie. Your eyes remind me of two pearls, round and perfect, free of defect or envy. You're just and loyal to any and all who you may encounter. Your beautiful blonde hair: oh how I love the way it flows around your shoulders and creates waves of silky, beautiful, buttery tresses. How those soft curls bounce radiantly. Your tail, flapping from here to there and creating a childish innocence that is both endearing and touching. You shine for me. I have all your posters and items, I draw pictures of you and me together every single day. I love you, Clarissa Amy. I love you. I pine for you. And I have sent you this ring in appreciation and love.

     Forever yours,

     Johnny

     ***

     Dear Fountain Faerie,

     This letter is to arrive if my other letter fails to reach the smooth pearliness that is your hand. Ah, your eyes might drift over this, thinking about what a poet and a graceful romantic I am. Well, that's true: every Chia is a romantic. You might be wrapping a stray curl around one perfectly-polished fingernail, giggling to yourself about the extensive love sonnet I have also sent you in the recent past. Then again, you might already be lovesick over me, coveting me and waiting for me to come, sweep you off your tail, and lead you to my castle. I am saving some money so that you can be my princess.

     Forever and ever yours,

     Johnny

     ***

     Dear Fountain Faerie,

     Have you received my other two letters? Just in case you haven't had the pleasure of stumbling upon my other letters, here is a third, just so that you may never wonder about what happened to that Chia who sent you that apple strudel three years ago. I have written to you faithfully for the last six years of my life, and have never received a response addressed from your blessed address and curled with your perfect script, dashing madly with the yearning to capture every thought in your mind with a single pen. And that's okay: because love requires sheer patience.

     Love,

     Johnny

     ***

     Dear Valued Customer #5434242,

     Your subscription to the Neopian Times has successfully been renewed. Your newspaper will be delivered directly to your house/planet/underwater fortress. Thank you for trusting the Neopian Times with your daily splash of comics, short stories, series, and other entertaining parts. We here appreciate our customers: because without them, there would be no Neopian Times to publish. Readings and subscriptions have boomed from 74.3% to a whopping 99.6% of Neopia! Wow! Stay cool this summer and thank you once more for subscribing to the Neopian Times. Be sure to tell all your friends about us!

     Sincerely,

     The Editors of the Neopian Times

     ***

     Dear Fountain Faerie,

     Hi! I admire you and your work, beauty, and charm very much. I think that it's fascinating how one small random event can change your life forever! However, I have a request: please bring us an FFQ. Ju Ju sillily rejected one about two and a half years ago, but she was almost a newbie! You can't expect her to KNOW about these things... she deserves another chance. Just so that I can be painted Plushie? Oh please? I want to be squishy, and being a baby's hard. No one ever takes you seriously, and it brings tears to my beautiful brown eyes. Thank you again for reading, and please consider casting even a second of your time upon Ju Ju's account. Thank you!

     Love forever,

     Anna

     ***

     Dear Fountain Faerie,

     I think that this is a TERRIBLE travesty! I know, there were many "T"'s in that sentence, but it's the truth! You came and gave my owner a Fountain Faerie Quest, and she was over the moon about it. Actually, I was more pleased than ever before! I could finally be a Malevolent Sentient Poogle, just like I always wanted to be. It's such a rare color, an FFQ would be my only way to achieve my dream. The item you asked for cost about a thousand neopoints, which drove me ecstatic. My owner takes me to the fountain, and she asks to paint me STARRY. I mean, I love the color starry, but it's not PART of the glamour that I was wishing for. And YOU have the NERVE to say "Wow, Joseph sure looks great now!" while my eyes burned with shame and outrage.

     Thank you for disappointing me and Neopia.

     Angrily,

     Joseph the STARRY Poogle

     ***

     The Fountain Faerie put away her many letters, yawning and stretching her fair arms over her head daintily, then stuffing the box with her other letters and presents.

     She then dipped back into the water for a quick swim and sighed.

     The price of fame was outrageously high.

The End

Thanks TNT for letting me publish this! I actually did reject an FFQ two years ago xD Thanks for reading! ^_^

 
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