Chet Flash wuz here Circulation: 178,230,078 Issue: 407 | 28th day of Hiding, Y11
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series
 

Ally's Observant Article about Mutants!


by thunderpaint

--------

Hello, there. I’m AllatarialEclipse, the Wise Master of All Things Mutant, or simply Ally. The super-smart Mutant Gelert who doesn’t like being called ugly. I mean, look at my lovely brown fur! How could I be ugly? Just look at those Faerie pets – really bright. They burn my eyes with their shiny brightness that speaks of sunny days with carnivals and cotton candy with Fyora giving away such things as Faerie Paint Brushes and –

Oh dear. I got really sidetracked. You’ll have to forgive me. I so greatly enjoy ranting about Faeries.

So what was I going to talk about before getting sidetracked by the likes of Fyora? Oh, yes, of course! What else would a Mutant talk about? I’m telling you all about Mutants, of course! :D

(And Naysayers here will be my assistant.)

Naysayers: *beak clacks ominously*

Ahem... er... moving right along.

I shall start with stereotypes about us (because that’s all people like talking about anyway). Like that we’re all mean and Sloth minions and – ahem – faerie haters and such. Even though this has been talked about so much in the past, I think I’ll revisit it, just to remind you guys of everything you’ve learned about us instead of getting caught up with Faerieland and Fyora.

First is the stereotype that we’re all mean evil beings like Naysayers. (Shh, don’t tell her I said that.)

Naysayers: *glares at Ally*

Ahem. If I were mean, why would I be telling you about how wonderful we are, other than to lure you all into a trap involving Dr. Sloth and Meepits? And even then, why would we do that? *shifty eyes*

So see, even that little tidbit of information is proof that not all Mutants are mean. Even though some of us get so angry at being Transmogrified that we start trying to take over Neopia, not all of us hate being Mutants, even if people ARE unfair to us ‘cause our owners decided to feed us a smelly potion. And what other sort of proof would you need? We’re all so very trustworthy.

Another stereotype is that we all adore Sloth and would love him to take over Neopia.

What? Um, hello! It doesn’t take a super-smart pet to realize that Sloth would make us build a rocket ship to transport him to a planet where he could rule over us from afar. We’re not stupid.

And that could’ve probably covered all of the stereotypes about us, so I’m just going to stop rambling so I don’t have to make two articles.

Of course, ending my rant about stereotypes about Mutants brings me to another problem – problems with Mutants in general.

Haha, this could take about three articles to explain properly. But realizing not everybody is an ULTIMATE GENIUS like me, I will proceed with care to make sure you can understand me properly.

One of the problems would be our eyes. Seriously. Some Mutants (like the Mutant Flotsam, Quiggle, and Kau) really need to calm down with the eyes. (And have you any idea how hard it would be to see with like six eyes?) And yet others have simply one. That’s even worse. It would be horrible to have only one eye. *shudder*

Another more prominent problem would be slobber. (Ugh.) Some Mutants just aren’t capable of not drooling everywhere. I think this might be because being changed to a Mutant puts stress on facial muscles (which also explains Mutants’ half-asleep expressions). And that would mean Sloth really needs to make some changes with his Transmogrification potions.

And I could go on and on about the social problems involved with being a Mutant – imagine a Neoschool-full of Faerie pets laughing at you – but I think that’s been covered plenty of times in the past.

Despite all these problems, Naysayers and I shall decide to look up. Up to... erm... Faerieland?

Naysayers: *looks up, growls*

No, Nay. It’s a figure of speech. Like being optimistic and looking at the good side to everything.

Anyway... what are some good things that come with being a Mutant?

Ah, yes! How could I forget! Mutants are indescribably awesome-looking! I mean, just look at me! :D With my large ears and spikes and lovely dull eyes, how could I not look good? Not all Mutants can be considered pretty, but hey, they’re all certainly UNIQUE with a capital U-N-I-Q-U-E, ‘cause that spells UNIQUE! It’s not every day you see a Kau wandering about with tentacles where its mouth should be...!

Aside from our obvious uniqueness, we rarely get bullied (unless you’re really brave). I mean, nobody wants to be mean to someone who looks like they could beat you in the Battledome instantly, right? Right?

(Now that I think of it, there are many things that make us great! :D)

Yet another good thing about us – we’re mostly humble!

Naysayers: Except for Ally.

I mean, if you had a Faerie pet, he/she would probably sit in front of a mirror all day admiring his/her wings and such. Not with us! We like to run around and have fun and we’re not afraid to get covered in mud and dung! And we don’t brag and pose and comb our fur all day!

And that means we’re much more understandable, and less like, well... *shudder* trophy pets! There’s nothing a Faerie likes more than to pose and be pretty; on the contrary, Mutants love practicing their Battledome skills and playing lots of games. This means that, instead of Faeries and Darigans being opposites, we have to revise this – Faerie and Mutant pets are opposite to one another.

(Nay, that’s your cue!)

Naysayers: *claps* Your logic is astounding, Doc! How shall I ever live up to your amazing intelligence in such a matter?

Oh, Nay. You’ll get there one day, with enough practice. Trust me.

So we really need to rethink some things about Mutants. A few of these changes include Mutants=good, Mutants=smart, Mutants=awesome, and Mutants=humble. (Notice all these changes are about Mutants!)

Naysayers: Captain Obvious strikes again!

Very rude, Nay! Act like a civilized Mutant for once. Remember, just because you’re a Mutant doesn’t mean you have to be evil!

Well, it seems this concludes my long and insightful article regarding Mutants! I sure do hope you will think twice before you call a Mutant pet ugly. Really now, we’re very kind! Just give us a chance and we’ll show you we’re as nice as any Faerie pet out there! Even nicer than Fyora herself!

*looks around timidly*

 
Search the Neopian Times




Great stories!


---------

After the Altador Cup
Always check the size of your jersey before buying it.

by nekuyai

---------

Geraptiku and the Cursed Wave, Part 5
Fufufu!

by buizelmaniac

---------

Mutant Misconceptions
In honour of Mutant Day, I encourage everyone to go out and make a new mutant friend! :)

by enchantmentunknown

---------

The Hero Society - #30
In which we have impromptu villain-therapy.

by bearcatt



Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.