Am I REALLY That Mean?

Why did my life have to turn out this way? What reward have I gotten for all I've gone through? And WHO PUT THIS DUNG IN MY POCKET?!

Right, introductions. But I'm sure you know who I am by now anyways. My name is Doctor Death. I have to work with that prissy Uni Rose every day, and that new guy, the robotic Hissi dude. Yeah, I hate them all. I hate the Neopians. I hate Neopia!

I hate my job.

But anyways, most people are wondering how I got where I am. Actually, they're not. They all assume that my down, moody personality and bad attitude landed me in this position, working at a place where I abandon pet after pet. I have to destroy the dreams of hundreds of neopets a day. Why do they think I'm glum?!

Yeah, my life started out just fine. Besides the fact my last name was Death, of course. I was always a happy little Techo, never leaving any dung in my parents' inventory. They were so proud! But I didn't have any brothers or sisters, and back then there was no Pound. There were no owners. And there was Neoschool.

Freaky, right? No kidding. But I did well in it, I'd say. Good grades were earned by me, also making my parents beam every time I showed them a completed assignment. With the appropriate smiley sticker to prove it, of course. I did so well, I got my doctor's degree. I was no longer known by my first name. I was called Doctor. Doctor Death.

That's when Neopians started flooding in, covering the lands. It was kinda scary at first, all these people just appearing from nowhere! With the strangest names, too. Suddenly, they were... creating neopets. How did they do this?! I don't know. Something about a door labeled "Create a pet" or whatever, but I think it's pure magic.

Each neopet had to be named differently than every other one. Who made up THAT rule? Whoever did, everyone seemed to be following it. They gave them pretty pointless names, too, some of those hasty Neopians that don't really care about it and just wanna find something available. But others put more thought into them, and soon people started noticing that the thoughtful names were better. Unfortunately, they had no more space left to create a pet, and were stuck with theirs.

My solution? Get a bigger house! But did anyone listen to me? Of course not! They decided to make a Pound and abandon these pets instead, leave them in dull cages and give them no food. Okay, what's the point of that? See why you should listen to me? Good. I'm glad I made my point.

So they needed someone to run this Pound. They decided on Rose, a pink Uni, to be in charge of the Adoption door. They then needed someone to take care of the abandoning, and after seeing my name put me right to work. Yeah, I didn't have a choice. But after doing it for so long, I really can't leave. I mean, if I was just walking around Neopia, any bozo would see me. Then they'd tell the Neopia Officials and guess where I'd end up? Back at the abandoning room, doing my job.

Much later, they decided to renovate the Pound. All the pets abandoned during that time, and those who were still in the Pound, had to be put somewheres for the time being. So they put me in charge of another job, finding a place to put them. I admit, I was kind of mad at the moment. Especially after hearing I had ANOTHER job! So I stuffed them in a closet. Apparently, the Neopia Officials liked my idea, and gave me a raise. Only problem is they also take my whole salary at the end of each day. I mean, what's a neopet to do with money anyways? So I guess I don't really see much of a difference.

The Pound was built, and we each had to make a door. Of course, Rose HAD to make hers pink and flowery. She's always trying to make the Pound... cheerful. Why must she do this?! My door was designed by me as well. I tried to make it pretty plain on the outside, though. My reasoning? If it's plain and basic, then the super bright pink door covered in sparkling flowers should stand out a bit more. Then fewer pets would get abandoned! Also, if people started to come in MY door, they'd see pitch darkness with evil, glowing red eyes. Yeah, my old Halloween stuff. *sniff* I'm such a good guy!

They then decided on yet another door, and another worker. This happened to be a random robotic Hissi. Rose was expecting a biscuit Usul or faerie Meerca, and became speechless and pale white after seeing the robot. I already liked this guy! Especially since his door, Transfer, was right in between Rose and I. Yeah, that Uni drives me nuts.

Really, I do care about the pets. But in stories, everyone just HAS to exaggerate my evilness and rudeness. And how I always torture every last neopet until they can no longer think of anything but pain. Oh, come on, what is up with that?! Where did this idea of me being "evil" come from? Seriously, I try my best to help the pets in any way I can. I check in with them. I talk to them. I even feed 'em sometimes! Is it because of the closet thing? Look, I was mad, okay? It happens to everyone! And I'm trying to release them all, but I think one too many got stuck in there. I can only get a few out at a time, and this is with all my usual work 24/7. It's hard to find time to do this, you know! I need my sleep! Some guy named Pound_release is claiming them all as his, though. He labeled the closet "owned by pound_release". In permanent marker. People these days.

Anyways, I just wanted to let you all know that I'm not the evil creep you so rudely assumed. I'm a nice dude, and maybe if someone chatted a bit with me I'd be in a better mood most of the time. Some people say I'm cranky. Hearing ten thousand pets a day wailing and wailing and wailing and wailing and wailing and wailing and wailing and wailing all day non stop can drive anyone bonkers! So don't assume things. Be nice, be smart, and have a cup of hot dung!