Vickles' Pickles

LV: Hey, I am NOT creepy.

MR: Shut up, I wasn’t asking you... Why do you have a sliced cucumber?

LV: I’m hungry... and sulking because you asked me to shut up.

MR: Ha ha, very funny. But seriously, you snack while you talk? Hasn’t anyone told you not to eat with your mouth open?

LV: Hey, I’m snacking while YOU talk. Anyway, is this an interview or what?

MR: No wonder your tongue is green. Well, putting aside the pickles, why do you think every winner of the Cup has swayed to seventh place the year after their championship?

LV: Well, I can’t speak for Haunted Woods or Roo Island or anything, but I know that the month after the win, there were sixteen parties stationed around Neopia every other day or something! Then, after that was over, I tried to call people to practice, but about every one of them complained that they deserved a break. Which was perfectly true, of course. So for once, I gave in, and the whole year I spent in Mystery Island, Kep in Faerieland, Tormo in Terror Mountain, and Shaye in Shenkuu. When we got back to practicing in Darigan Citadel two months before the cup, breaking our backs day and night scraped us a seventh place.

MR: Did adding a new goalie make practicing more difficult?

LV: It didn’t help that Reshar Collifey was new to the Cup, but I can’t blame him for that. He learned quickly, and played really well.

MR: On your rosters, it says that you are the only one whose strength is scoring, while all of the others say their weakness is. Does that put on a lot of pressure?

LV: What you’ve got to understand is that rosters are made by the players and then approved by the “experts.” Not the other way around. So personally, I think Tandrak Shaye, the other forward, shouldn’t have said he was weak at goals. He is actually really adept at scoring, which I tried convincing him of, but he just said that I made most of the goals and put it as a weakness. I mean, the only reason I score so much is my speed. When I get the ball, it’s usually faster to run and shoot than to pass back. When I can’t score, I just pass it to Shaye, who then rises to the occasion marvelously. I don’t think I have any more pressure than any other Professional Yooyuball Captain.

MR: Speaking of scoring, what about yooyus? Do they make a difference?

LV: Oh, of course! Both Tandrak and I can score with a Fire yooyu. I’m a little better at taking a nice brown yooyu to the goal-

MR: Don’t you mean normal yooyu?

LV: No yooyu is normal. All petpets are individual in their own right! That’s just demeaning!

MR: Continue, then

LV: Where was I? ... I’m better than Shaye at taking a NICE BROWN yooyu to the goal, but he can, too, when he wants to. When I can’t seem to find a good way to score with snow or mutant, I hand it to Shaye. My real favorite, though, is that adorable faerie yooyu. She sweetly smiles and sparkles while taking a mockingly slow parabola around the goalkeeper’s extended limbs. Kep Bonnefie actually can score really well with a Darigan yooyu. I always give the ball to him in such occasions.

MR: Does it really count as scoring if it’s with a Darigan yooyu?

LV: Duh! Why else would the little score number go higher? Controlled randomness is an art. Just ask that Mr. Lupid about his abstract pieces. What an impertinent question!

MR: Uh... sorry then... you know those pickles are getting REALLY annoying! ... Fine, keep chewing if you insist... Are there any personal issues in your team?

LV: Well... we aren’t as bad as most teams.

MR *senses gossip juicier even than Vickles' bag of frozen pickles*: May I ask what are you referring to?

LV: Hm, you suddenly have become as sweet and deadly as honey to a Buzzer. How suspicious... hm... There was the Kiko Chocolate catastrophe, and the Haunted Woods sabotage...

MR: WHAT? Details! I demand you!

LV: Well, the chocolate shop kiko meant well, to be sure, when he gave Kiko Lake a box of fine chocolates as a present. Apparently, one of them had never had chocolate before, and when he had a taste, he fell in love... which, although love is a lovely emotion, was not so lovely for the team, who spent the better of four months helping their teammate get off his addiction...

MR: What about the sabotage?

LV: Hey, I may be eating pickles, but I’m not foolish. I wouldn’t want it –or them– to come after my team... Next question?

MR: Was that all I had? Um... interviews are harder than they look... Aha! Tell me about your fan base.

LV: That’s not a question!

MR: So what?

LV: You’re getting rude...

MR: I support your team.

LV: HEY! Just because Darigan Citadel had a few wars with Meridell and caused a bunch of horror and all, that doesn’t mean we’re rude!

MR: Hmm...

LV: That’s beside the point, and you are a terrible interviewer. You asked about my fan base, and I will answer you, or so help me. I have no time for petty arguments with amateur reporters! *clears throat and collects himself*

Tormo has the least number of fans, because he isn’t too outgoing and is extremely focused on his line of work. Kep is the most popular of all of us. Even though she’s so sharp and stingy-looking, she’s real smooth around the boys and her experience shines. Shaye and I have a lot of fans, but that’s just because we’re forwards and run around and make goals (and have awesome tails... just saying) Collifey is usually busy practicing with Tormo.

MR: Why do you enjoy pickles so much?

LV: Uh, because they taste good... Are you just making up questions now?

MR: Was it so obvious? Who is your favorite faerie?

LV: Yes, it was, and I like the healing faerie the best. She always heals Shaye’s injuries after the game at no cost, even though she’s super loyal to the Faerieland team.

MR: The obvious question was rhetorical. Why do you call your defenders by first name, your fellow forward by last name, and your goalie by surname?

LV: I know it was rhetorical. Oh, and do I really? Well, I guess I try to keep a level of respect up, so I say Shaye and Collifey... I don’t really know how to pronounce Kep’s last name-

MR: It’s Bonnefie!

LV: *concentrates* bofa... bony... bah, let’s just leave well enough alone... And finally, Tormo... well, I don’t think me calling him by his first name makes a difference. He is still so serious about the game. It’s like less of a game for him and more of a, I dunno, job.

MR: You mentioned a “level of respect.” Does that mean it isn’t comfortable?

LV: I know some teams like to get all chummy and stuff, but it hasn’t worked well in my experience. *cough cough faerieland cough* I don’t kill them, they don’t hate me, so it is comfortable. My team loves this sport, so they can’t be uncomfortable when we practice with each other.

MR: When did-

LV: Oh sorry, I ran out of pickles. Well, I answered questions, got my blood pressure up, and finished a cucumber. Good day.

So that was the exclusive interview between rookie reporter maraqua_royal and Darigan captain Layton Vickles. From this extensive interrogation, we can tell that he is stubborn, slightly sentimental, experienced, tough, pickle-preoccupied, careful, hard-working, and in love with yooyuball.

Even though I ran out of questions for Vickles, the greatest of them all still remains: How many of you Citadel fans will buy Frozen Cucumber Slices after reading this article?