Meow Circulation: 171,460,618 Issue: 396 | 12th day of Relaxing, Y11
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series
 

The Techo Super-fan: Faerieland Supporter?!


by o_liveandlearn_o

--------

Super energy! Super throat-straining and eye-bulging! Super maniacal waving of the arms! Yes, this is none other than the amazing super fan known as the Techo Super-Fan (obviously!) With his infectious enthusiasm that causes others to overuse caps and exclamation points, there is no doubt that the Super-fan is the biggest, the loudest, and the most enthusiastic about the Cup! But a question looms behind the Techo's screaming cheers: Which team is he really cheering for?

Is it Krawk Island? Shenkuu? Darigan Citadel?

No, no, and NO! The most shocking answer is plain and simple: The Techo Super-fan is all for... FAERIELAND!

"Faerieland?" you might be asking. "How many cans of Neocola did you drink? Aren't you supposed to be in the Meepit Oaks Sanitorium for the Psychologically Fragile or something? Somebody get this girl a straitjacket."

Although I have only been recently released from the Neopian Mental Ward for the Partially Insane, I assure the reader that I have done very thorough research on the matter and have gotten accurate information from anonymous but entirely reliable sources.

Without further babbling introductions, I present to you the three major conspiracy theories and the proof to go along with it, which is conveniently compiled into a neat packet, topped off with pretty wrapping paper, free of charge.

---

Theory the First: Faerieland bribed the Techo Super-fan with their Cloud Cookies.

Let's imagine for a minute that you're choosing a team. Roo Island offers you free tickets to their cool amusement park, Lost Desert hands out neat-o pottery stuff, Maraqua gives out awesome Maractite weapons...

... But what's that heavenly smell?! It's the Cloud Cookies, the local specialty of Faerielanders! (Now in three all-new flavors, available in a supermarket near you!) But are fluffy cookies enough to draw the Techo Super-fan to the Faerielander's side?

"Well, he's always had a powerful sweet tooth," confides the Ixi Commentator, who claims that he's a close friend of the Super-fan. "I see him running toward those little souvenir carts to buy all the chocolate he can find."

I managed to approach Valtonous Rea, goalkeeper for the Faerieland team, to find out if the Super-fan was anywhere near where the Faerieland supporter stands before the Cup.

"Oh, that blue Techo who always shouts out his words?" Rea answers rather briskly, bobbing his head up and down. "He comes every day to buy our sugar-laced energy bars and cookies, a whole boxful of them. Almost bursts my eardrums from screeching out his orders whenever I manage the stand."

'Trapper' Remis, captain of the Altador team, voices his attention to the Super-fan's 'suspicious' activities. "He keeps crouching behind the stands, stuffing his face with some sort of sweets," he says. "And he always screams at me when I ask him how he is."

Very Scientific and Logical Conclusion: Before the first Altador Cup had started, representatives of each team came to the Techo Super-fan to bribe him onto their side. Faerieland won out with their cookies, since it took advantage of the Super-fan's sweet tooth. (Seriously, who can resist home-baked cookies that are fluffy?!) Ever since then, Faerieland has been supplying the Techo Super-fan with an almost unlimited supplies of sweet stuff.

Theory the Second: The Techo Super-fan is in the Faerieland conspiracy to take over Neopia.

Yes. You heard me right.

FAERIELAND WANTS TO TAKE OVER NEOPIA.

I can hear you now. "Aw, how cute. She's getting worked up over nothing. Let's pat her on the head and go, 'There, there, Mummy will protect you from those mean Faerielanders.'"

I don't need to be patted on the head or protected by a 'mummy.' It has been a little-known truth that the Faerieland team is actually in an elaborate and needlessly complicated plot to expand Fyora's little kingdom in the sky to the entire world! Is Fyora really going to be content just ruling a floating city? Psssh, as if.

So how is participating in the Altador Cup part of this vile and sinister plot? And how does the Techo Super-fan fit in?

This is where I bring in my own proof.

If you have bothered to keep track of Faerieland's team roster over the years, you would notice that there has been a suspicious replacement of players. Palia Alback and Elbin Towse, for example, mysteriously 'resigned' after playing on the team for a measly year. Ciona Broan, right defender, is the only one who has managed to stay on the roster for more than a year.

There are two reasons for this:

1. Alback and Towse really did resign. (By my mathematical methods which shall not be explained due to the lack of 'logic' in your 'logical' terms, I calculate that this has a 0.00001% chance of being actually true.)

or 2. Alback and Towse were onto the Faerieland team's evil plans, thereby forcing the captain, Kakoni Worrill, to get rid of them.

"Hurm?" is Worrill's response when I ask him about the strange resignations. "Uh... I'm sort of... eating dinner right now... could you get back to me at a press conference or something?" When I press on, questioning about any ill intentions the team might be hiding, Worrill answers, "World domination? What? Erm, I'm really sorry, but I have no clue what you're talking about. Maybe another time? No, really, I can't understand you. Uh... guards, could you escort this young lady out?"

Worrill's vague and evasive answers strengthen the point that this deceivingly cute and squishy Faerie Bruce is a cold-blooded plotter in disguise. After all, who is going to admit that they are planning to aid their evil queen to take over Neopia?!

By playing in the Altador Cup, the team manages to attract countless legions of fans, allowing them to secretly rally them into helping Fyora's scheme to take over Neopia little by little.

But now for the Techo Super-fan's part. It's really simple. Let's take a look at part of the game instructions of Make Some Noise:

"There is also a Tap Skill Rating that measures the rhythm of your taps. The more cleanly you tap the keys in time, the better your rating will be."

If you're cheering for your team, why does measuring the rhythm of your taps matter? Why does it matter that you tap accurately? What's the use of the Tap Skill Rating, anyway? Is tapping now an official Neopian sport that awards medals now or something?

The answer is simple: The keys you type are actually part of a super-long magical computer code that will program the giant Faerie racers that will sweep down on Neopia and destroy all the cities!

"It's possible," a helpful fan, who wishes to be left anonymous, says. "I mean, I should know, I've worked on repairing those racers the Faeries zoom about in all day."

Very Scientific and Logical Conclusion: The Faerieland team and the Techo Super-fan were all recruited by Fyora to help in her ultra-secret plan to take over Neopia. Using the Faerieland team to divert attention from the city and to gather followers to her devious goals, the Super-fan's game of Make Your Noise also serves to power the vehicles that will bring our DOOM!

Theory the Third: The Techo Super-fan is related to Babolino.

Every Yooyuball player except Babolino has a last name. Doesn't that seem suspicious? Odd? Out of place?

And really. Look at them, they even share the same smile:

... You don't believe me, do you? It's all right, I was pulling your leg anyway.

Very Scientific and Logical Conclusion: Ha, who needs science and logic anyway?!

---

Well, there you have it. The three major conspiracy theories on why the Techo Super-fan is with the Faerieland Yooyuball team. And if you still don't believe me, you can stick your head in a bowl of angry Meepits.

This is Laurie, super-ace reporter, signing off.

 
Search the Neopian Times




Great stories!


---------

The Wondrous Woes of Dr. Wilbur: The Case of the Purse and the Pickpocket
I must admit I've never written a story. Never. It must be said that until now my many chivalrous and substantial actions prevented me from doing so.

by shadyy15

---------

Two's a Crowd
They'll be the best of friends!

by rokurem

---------

The Perils of Being a Labrat
Oh no... what will that crazy Scorchio do next?

by id_24

---------

Spooky
I still can't find my scythe!

by ghostkomorichu



Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.