The Dangers of Maraquan Paint Brushes

Yeah. You heard me right. I'm on a mission. Super important and this other big word Diana told me to use that I can't pronounce. But yeah.

When you see a Maraquan Draik, happily minding their own business, you all go 'omg woah that pet's rich' or whatever and start drooling all over my nicely polished scales. In fact, you do that with a lot of Maraquan Pets. You say they're your 'dream pet', you fantasize over owning one, blah blah blah.

Thing is, being painted Maraquan isn't all it's cracked up to be. And that's why I'm here.

So by now, you're either thinking 'lol' or 'but if it costs ten million Neopoints, then how can it be so bad?' Well, that's a stupid question, because obviously I'm about to tell you all about it. And don't 'lol' me or I'll sic my overly violent sister on you. She's a Battledome pet, and she's not confined to water.

Oh, yeah. Confined to water. See, I spent hours working on this really complex mathematical equation last night. That's dedication, right?

Neopet = 2lungs

Maraquan Paint Brush = +gills, -2lungs

Neopet + Maraquan Paint Brush = gills

Yeah. Gills. If you have them, you don't breathe air, you breathe water. And Neopia's surface - at least, the interesting parts of it - is covered in air.

Wear a diver's helmet filled with water? Sorry, Mister Cheapo, but you can't customise Maraquan pets. Whoa, I seriously should write an article about that.

Way to go, reader. You're sidetracking me. Cut it out.

When you get painted Maraquan, you've got two options - move to Maraqua or make arrangements where you already live. I don't recommend the first. To do it, you're almost certainly leaving your family behind, and Virtupets hasn't made a heating appliance good enough to warm up the ocean yet. It gets really uncomfortable later in the year, and they still haven't made hats and scarves for Maraquan pets yet. Plus, Maraqua's not all it's cracked up to be. Jetsams try to eat you, pirates try to destroy you, and your relatives never come to visit.

Besides, I love my family, even if my owner is a complete doofus. So I'm telling you about this second option that most Maraquan pets pick, and the sacrifices they need to make for you to show off your 'dreamies'.

You need, like, a giant fish tank that has tons of halls, a fully functional kitchen, and takes up half the Neohome. Even then, you're going to miss the other half of your Neohome, and I think the rest of your non-aquatic family might feel the same way. Nobody's happy. I'm personally confined to a coconut bathtub on makeshift wheels. Budget crisis after buying the brush, yeah. Another hazard!

So. Whether they reside in a decked-out fish tank or mobile bathtub, there are lots of things Maraquan pets can't do.

From Neoschool lectures to Jazzmosis concerts, sound doesn't travel well from air to water, so you can forget about listening to those. Plus, wherever you go, people look at you funny.

They don't make waterproof Neoquest boards, so you're stuck playing games like Jubble Bubble and Petpet Plunge all day. And those get old really quickly.

Now that I think about it, they don't make underwater versions of books, either.

Also, you get people begging your owner for you every day, also because of the status that a bathtub-bound pet seems to hold. While most owners, like mine, will protect you from these pet traders, it puts them in a really bad mood afterwards, which can end up being hazardous.

There are many more Petpets that breathe air than water. You get a much more limited selection if you want a little buddy, and seriously, the ones that can go in water aren't really all that great. If you get a nice, fuzzy Doglefox, don't expect to hug him - or do much more than stare at him all day long - anytime soon. Especially if you live in a fish tank. Bathtub pets get a little more freedom.

And that's just the beginning.

But the biggest thing is... the whole bathtub setup just gets really old, really fast. Do you really want your pet to be confined to the same space for all eternity? We get claustrophobic too. I tried upgrading to a brand-new posh bathtub, but after a day, it was all the same, minus that nice coconut flavor that seeped into the water with the old one. You can't really go around, can't explore. It's just porcelain/glass/coconut walls and lukewarm water and stupid siblings that want you to leave so they can wash themselves.

And still, every day, pets are resigned to this fate at the Rainbow Pool. Do you ever think of asking your pet's permission before you paint them?

I can't stand for this. I don't have legs! Oh, ha ha, aren't I - wait. Maraquan Draiks do have legs. Scratch that. Sorry. No, seriously, that was bad.

Anyway, the plight of the Maraquan pet is one that's usually overlooked. Don't give in. I personally can't take a stand because there isn't enough room in the bathtub to stand up, but you can.

If your pet really wants to see Maraqua so badly, just buy a Maraqua Coloring Book. They're like three Neopoints apiece and you can even color in the pictures yourself!

Oh, if it's the look you want, buy a Giant Squid Costume from the Neocash Mall, or craft some fins and a Koi tail out of cardboard. Stick them on your pet and nobody's going to notice the difference.

So, yeah. Boycott Maraquan paint brushes. And if you're still all 'lol' at me, I was serious about my sister. She's level fifty eight. Nifty, huh?

Here 'till Tuesday. Zevoir out.