The Snowager

ROOOOAARRR!!! - The Snowager rears up and fires an icy blast at you!!!!

*Pokes Snowager with a stick*

Ah, the Snowager... a massive worm made purely from ice that hoards some of the most spectacular treasures in all of Neopia. But why? This is a question that it seems no one other than the Snowager has an answer to. The trouble is, the Snowager is just so giant, icy and mean that no one has the courage to even ask. So, without knowing, but wondering all the time, the Neopets and their owners attempt relentlessly to pilfer the riches he guards under his enormous frozen body.

The Snowager lives deep within the Ice Caves, where it patiently awaits the arrival of unfortunate little Neopets, who don’t know a thing about just how mean it can be. Many are afraid to return after such a fright; but there are others who aren’t so rational! These irrational Neopets come back with wisdom; the Snowager, after all, is a living creature and even it must sleep. This is when most Neopets will come to attempt to steal the treasure that it... well, treasures. ;) The Snowager is a light sleeper and for this reason, one must either be incredibly brave or incredibly foolish. (My vote is on the latter.)

Neopets from all over gather in the Ice Caves during his sleeping hours, eager to steal gifts that will bring them great fortune or even great success in the Battledome. There are Babies, Mutants, and Darigans... every type of pet you could imagine; strong, tall, weak, small. The Ice Caves are quite the Tourist Attraction during these so-called “Sleeping Times” and make most of their income throughout these hours. However, even the light-hearted people of the Ice Caves and neighboring areas like Happy Valley and Terror Mountain fear this worm. This is particularly because everyone knows how boring it can get staring at the same old walls every day; sometimes you just have to break out. There’s an old myth that tells of the day, when the Snowager actually decided to leave its cave, a day that is still as fresh as new snow in the elders’ minds. It's well over-due now; in fact, it could be happening this very moment... But I’ll save that story for another day...

During his “Sleeping Times”, there is a sign just outside his cave that reads “The Snowager is currently sleeping...” Below it, another sign (though more like a waiver) that is no less significant, saying, “Do you want to venture in and try to steal some of its treasure? Be warned... if it catches you, you will be in DEEP trouble! Otherwise turn around to go back to the Ice Caves! (And get some of your Christmas Shopping done early too!)”

If that’s not enough, there is a small passage leading into the cavern filled with signs left by generations before; “TURN BACK NOW! OR MEET CERTAIN HP LOSS!” or “WHY HAVEN’T YOU TURNED AROUND YET? ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY INSANE?!” There are even a few that are along the lines of “IT WILL EAT YOU AND YOUR NEOPETS! THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING!” The ‘bravest’ Neopets disregard these messages - the ‘bravest’ as I said, in my opinion are often the most foolish.

If you and your Neopet should have the courage to attempt invading the Snowager’s Ice Fortress, I suggest you have the quickest route to the Healing Springs handy. This is primarily because you can never be too prepared for something, the Snowager especially. The best that could happen is after you’ve stolen a glorious weapon, you skip cheerfully out of the cave – the Snowager none the wiser. That’s the best that could happen, of course. The worst that could happen, on the other hand, really isn’t something anyone wants to imagine; the Snowager will rise up and shoot an icy blast at you and your Neopets! Oh no! How dreadful! Naturally, when you’ve finally got that Super Icy Negg in your grasp, the Snowager will shift in its sleep and you will run... for your life. Yes, if you can make it out of that cave as fast as your little legs can carry you, you may well be able to save the spite of the Snowager for ‘the next guy’. Though I pity this ‘next guy’, I can’t help but feel they’ve brought it on themselves.

In most cases, though, you will not get the prize you wanted because, well, in most cases; you won’t get anything at all... I have to say, though, some find that better than getting blasted. However, there are some that disagree. You can tell these sorts just by listening; those who quietly murmur faintly about a mysterious “Snowager Avatar” amongst one another are the ones actually HOPING to get blasted. Yes, I said HOPING. Anyone who ACTUALLY HOPES to be blasted by this enormous creature SURELY must be INSANE! In fact, I can’t help but feel that these people who actually want to get blasted by this beast are perhaps missing that essential tissue of the brain that gives them the whole “common sense” notion.

In fact, I stand by this so strongly that I’ve compiled a study. As a result, I found that 85% of the Neopian Nation searching for this elusive avatar also have the courage to attempt awakening the great Turmaculus, an oversized sluggish Turmac... who will EAT your pet’s petpet. That same percentage of the population ALSO plays Deadly Dice with Count von Roo, an evil Orange Blumaroo. Count von Roo will reward you if you tie him and win (at his own game, of course) but will take a level from your pet if you lose. Of all the avatars in Neopia, the three of these, in my opinion, are the most dangerous to obtain, the Snowager obviously being the most dangerous. Then again, everyone’s opinion of dangerous differs from one to the next, but we are strictly speaking for your pet’s health here.

Overall, what seems to be a simple trip to visit the Snowager isn’t so simple... Are you going for the avatar, or possibly that shiny Snowball Wand? Perhaps you’d fancy a keychain or a cuddly plushie to add to your collection? The possibilities are endless, but you won’t get anything if you don’t try...

I visit it sometimes; yeah, I hope to get blasted. Hey, I may have said the people who hope for this are insane, but I never said I wasn’t, did I?