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Being Economical


by fancifully

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In these hard economic times, all Neopians would do well by saving their neopoints and investing wisely in their purchases. I’ve previously alerted you to the dangers of some of Neopia’s most inedible “foods”, and lately have been hard at work finding items that have absolutely no use at all, and that nobody should ever waste their hard-earned neopoints on. However, I know as well as anyone that the lure of colourful, shiny and sometimes animated objects can be extremely difficult to resist! As we stand staring at shelves laden with trinkets, the question that must be asked is “Do I really need this?” More often than not, the answer is no, but walking away from a purchase is easier said than done. Luckily, I’m here to present to you a few items that I can definitively state that you DO NOT NEED, in order to make being economical that little bit easier.

So without further ado, allow me to introduce five items that are so useless they make Punchbag Bob look like a formidable Battledome opponent, along with five far more useful alternatives.

1: Non-Sticky Sticky Hand

Cost: 70 NP

It’s easy to fall into the trap of seeing a cheap item and deciding that because it’s cheap, it’s definitely a great purchase. My fellow Neopians, you could not be more wrong! The Non-Sticky Sticky Hand may only cost around 70 NP, but the name of this object should give away its uselessness even as the low price lures you in. It’s a sticky hand, but it doesn’t have any sticking power at all! Would anyone be so foolish as to buy non-sticking sticky tape? How about non-gluing glue? Or shoes with no soles? I didn’t think so. Technically this is classified as a toy, yet the lack of sticking power is bound to disappoint even the most easily-amused pet. An utterly useless item if ever I saw one.

Alternative: For the economical price of around 2,000 NP, the Korbat Sticky Hand is a cute item that will provide your pet with hours of fun-filled, sticky entertainment.

2: Fake Barf

Cost: Approximately 40,000 NP

This is one wearable item that does your pet no favours whatsoever. What kind of self-respecting Neopet would want the world to see them with a puddle of barf at their feet? As if that wasn’t bad enough, this item isn’t even real barf. It’s that fake, rubbery stuff that’s terrible for the environment. When you add up the environmental and aesthetic cons of this item, it’s clear that this 40,000 purchase is one that all buyers will regret.

Alternative: Basic Paint Blob Plushies are an adorable and colourful addition to your pet’s customization. At approximately 20,000 NP they are half the price of Fake Barf and, in my humble opinion, more than double the value! If you obtained these plushies through Daily Dare, then they also give you the chance to flaunt your gaming skills. Overall, a far superior alternative.

3: Wobbly Pen

Cost: 200 NP

You may be thinking, “It’s so cheap! What could be more economical than buying a cheap pen?” My friends, being economical does not mean being cheap. It entails spending wisely and effectively, and the purchase of a Wobbly Pen is neither wise nor effective. The frustration of trying to create a sentence in anything better than the unsteady scrawl that this pen produces by far outweighs the momentary joy of a low-priced purchase. This pen is the definition of useless, and your 200 NP would be far better off going towards a writing implement that can actually produce something legible, like the following:

Alternative: At 250 NP, the Air Faerie Pen is an infinitely better choice for around the same price. It is attractive, writes well and is always cool to the touch – a pleasant bonus for the upcoming hot summer months!

4: Stone Paint Brush

Cost: Approximately 60,000 NP

I can practically hear the outraged cries of, “A paint brush for only 60k? What’s not economical about that?!” ringing out all over Neopia. The answer is: this paint brush doesn’t work. It will not paint your pet in any way, shape or form. Ever. So what does it do then? The answer to that is simple: nothing. This item was retired a long time ago, and will never have any practical use again. Buying this paint brush is understandable only if you are collecting paint brushes for your gallery. Otherwise, this purchase is completely useless and a waste of neopoints.

Alternative: If you’re searching for a cheap paint brush, the Biscuit Paint Brush may be just what you need! Your pet can be painted a cute and tasty colour for around 60,000 NP – exactly the amount of neopoints you would have wasted buying a stone paint brush.

5: Starchairfish

Cost: Approximately 1,000,000 NP

Many people want this item, believing it to be a great investment because it is retired. I have a newsflash for the citizens of Neopia: Just because an item is retired, that does NOT mean that it is worth wasting your neopoints buying it for a (usually) inflated price. Once again, when looking at the Starchairfish, we come back to the question: “Do I really need this?” The answer, of course, is no, for what does this item actually do? It is a chair, but a useless chair at that. It is slimy, wet and highly uncomfortable to sit on. The exciting animation of the chair folding in and out may attract your attention, but it should serve as a warning sign instead. The Starchairfish is prone to collapsing at any moment without warning, leaving a very cranky person deposited on the floor. Useless for entertaining and useless for your own personal comfort, the outrageous price for this item should hopefully detract you from buying, even if my warnings do not.

Alternative: For those who covet an underwater-style chair, you cannot go past the Pink Oyster Shell Chair. Classy, aesthetically pleasing and supremely comfortable (it boasts a silken cushion, along with an extremely supportive oyster-shell headrest), this chair is an absolute bargain for around 3,000 NP.

So, my fellow Neopians, I hope that I’ve helped you out by giving you some examples of the types of items to avoid in order to maximize the value of your purchases. Of course, the occasional splurge on an item that you desperately want, even though it may not necessarily be useful, is perfectly fine. After all, we deserve a reward for being so economical!

 
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