Competing With Edna
So, you want to be a witch, eh? You wouldn't mind donning that pointy hat and tossing around a few magical words to turn Neopians into Mortogs? Maybe you want to tell fortunes, and earn a bit of extra pocket cash! (Or maybe you're just like Edna, and you're lazy about finding the items you want.) Whatever the reason, you've chosen your path, and now you're standing on my doorstep wearing an oversized cloak and carrying a vacuum. *sigh* Put that vacuum away! Contrary to popular beliefs, the witch has never ridden a vacuum, and never will. Even Edna never stooped so low as to straddle a utility fish, so neither will you!
The first step to becoming Neopia's next witch is looking the part. I see you're wearing a cloak, that's good! While it's a bit shabby looking, the cloak is a successful tool in aiding the look of a witch. It provides mystique, something to cover yourself with when you're scared, and it's darn warm in the winter too! While many individuals would opt for something dressed in tassels and stars, you have to remember that witches are glamorous, but also relatively earth-friendly. Faeries and royalty wear tassels, wizards don stars, and you're going to wear black. Or grey, since I'm about to recommend the Grey Linen Cloak to you! The key here is to tempt your future customers, not blind them.
With the cloak, the next thing you need is a hat. The hat is very important! Its cone shape is a symbol of magic and power! (And it looks real neat too.) While there are a variety of hats on the market suitable for a new witch, my favourite is the Patched Magic Hat. It's black, simple, and reminds me of Edna. You might also go for Sophies Magic Hat, if you want to take the bog witch approach to things! Once you've got your cloak and hat, it's time to look seriously at all the things you're going to need to be a witch. If we're competing with Edna, we have to be precise!
Like I said earlier, witches don't ride vacuums. You will never see a witch flying across the moon after a night of herb picking, with the cord bobbing behind her. It's just not done! What you really need is a broom. A good old fashioned wooden handle broom is all that you need as far as transportation goes. Enchanted, a good broom can do a variety of tasks from flying you places, to helping you prepare potions, and even basic housework! My favourite is the Hovering Broom from the NC Mall. Ready to go, this broom is pre-enchanted, and looks classic even though it's brand new. The Dusty Magic Broom is a decent alternative, though it isn't as fancy as the Hovering Broom. When you purchase a broom, don't expect it to fly for you right away. A broom is a witch's best friend! It needs to get acclimated to you before it will perform its tasks. So really, until that happens, there isn't any shame in walking.
Many witches use their brooms as their sole assistants, which is fine really, but every good witch has some sort of companion. Neopians today call them 'petpets', and there is a variety on the market. The absolute favourite seems to be the Meowclops, since witches like feline entities. Other great alternatives are the Drugal (sophisticatedly menacing), the Furwitch (they look just like witches!), and the Zomutt, to name a few. Petpets you shouldn't choose are of the many! Any petpet that is weak of heart, is too innocent, or that is completely useless (such as the Slorg) shouldn't be chosen to assist you. Petpets need to be able to carry out general tasks, such as bringing you things or scaring away visitors. Above all else, the real use of an assistant is to be there for you when you fail, have a hard day, or just don't feel 'witch' enough. Even the villains in Neopia need a hug every now and then!
Every good witch has a tool to direct their energy into; this tool is called the wand! Sophie the Swamp Witch is a fantastic example of a witch that uses her want to the fullest ability. Her wand does everything from feeding her petpets, to building her potions! Your wand can be as simple as a stick, but if you really want to make it special, decorate it a little! A wand that you make yourself is more special than any wand you can buy that's pre-made! If you aren't creatively inclined (and don't worry, you aren't alone) there are plenty of fine wands on the market. If you're a true beginner, I'd choose something species specific! A Lupe would fare well with the Ancient Lupe Wand, and an Ixi would do great with the Enchanted Ixi Wand. Just don't choose a species specific wand if you aren't that species. It's not going to work! If you think you're fine with any wand, there are plenty on the market to choose from. My favourites are the Cursed Wand of Shadow, Wand of Reality, and Staff of the Earth Faerie. Take your time in choosing or crafting your wand, as it's one of the most important things you can own! (And yes, staffs can be wands too. They're just a bit larger!)
The Spell Book
The final MAJOR tool to becoming a good witch is a decent book of magic. There are many books of magic on the market, providing information on a variety of subjects. If I were you, once you pick your book out, I'd buy two. Why? Well, everyone knows what happens when you read a book. One flip through and POOF! it goes up in smoke! Your second book, however, will stay neatly on your shelf, never disappearing when you chance a read through. My recommendation is to choose a book of magic that is fairly old. The older, the better! Older magics are stronger and more efficient (plus they're time tested), so they're more reliable.
So we've gotten the major tools down, you've disposed of the vacuum, and you're now holding a wand, a broom, a book, and you've got a petpet that's already attacking my mailman! Good job! Now the real task begins.
What type of a witch are you? If you look around at the witches of Neopia, you'll see that each witch has a different magical task that makes them special and unique. Some provide rewards in return for items found, others provide entertainment and oddly flavoured stews. The key to success as a witch is picking out your niche! What are you going to do with yourself? I'd suggest that if you're going to go for the obvious and give out quests, you need to offer more than tentacles in return. Sure, we're in competition with Edna, but what say we beat her, huh? If quests aren't your thing, think about what other skills you have, or could have! Have you always liked cooking? Try making magical potions of wonder and excitement! Do you make beautiful jewellery? Enchanted charms for sale might just be your thing! You could travel across Neopia, peddling strange and wondrous wares, or turn Neopians into mortogs for a small price! Or you could be like me, standing in my pyjamas, drinking coffee and telling someone how to be a witch. The choice is yours! There is tons of opportunity out there, so grab some and find your pathway!
After you've found your niche, it's time to build on what you know. Find yourself a neohome (choose a discreet location) and start adding spooky decorations to alert everything that you're there! Frequently take the garbage out in dark bags filled with oddly shaped objects so people question what is in it! And above all else, always, always go out on moonlit walks to gather herbs. It's these simple actions (along with a bunch of willing customers) that will allow YOU to compete with Edna, and be the best witch you can be.
There, now you have your answers! All the tips, tricks, and basic knowledge required to be a witch. And now, if you don't mind, you'll take your junk and leave. It's about time you kids stopped knocking on my door at midnight to ask me 'how to be a witch'! I'm not a witch! I'm just a regular Neopian who happens to have that one house that everyone thinks is haunted. Geesh!
Search the Neopian Times
|Beyond the Brass|
How about you set your little musician up with an instrument that's cooler than usual? Here are a few ideas to get you started.