Regrets and Forgiveness: Part One
Hey, Lilly... I know you’re probably really mad at me; I would never expect you not to be, but I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m probably really dumb right now, asking for your forgiveness when all I have to give are the words ‘I’m Sorry’ in my own messy handwriting. I shouldn’t have told Mom to abandon you just because I told her that she wasn’t taking care of us well (both of us know that isn’t true) and made her feel down right bad.
I was so silly and blind to see how this would affect me later on. But by the time I convinced her with harsh words and soft phrases of ‘Lilly will have a better life instead of starving with you’, you were already starting to show me how important you were to me. I thought more and more how life would be like without you. For a while all I thought about were the good things- no more saving some of dinner for you, no more having to share the TV and I would get Mom all to myself.
I regret making Mom send to the Pound. I guess I couldn’t take not being the only pet anymore. I know that you’re my real sister and you were on a different account- I should have taken the time to write back to you. You tried to become my friend through mail while we lived apart- yet I ignored them... I was afraid you would steal Mom’s heart. I’m a cruel person, I know that. And I know you’re with a kind owner now, but I really want you to come back. Mom is crying with guilt and regret, screaming it’s all her fault. But in my heart I know it was really mine. How could I be so jealous? Mom was so easy to convince and you to frame because I was the person she trusted most, being that you were only there for two weeks and I was the one to be trusted even more as Mom spent more time with me than you on your other account...
I can’t believe took advantage of you and Mom’s weaknesses. When you left, at first I was joyous; I had everything I wanted, my own life back. But... I had lost the special things we shared as brother and sister. No longer did anyone share laughs that only pets would understand, and I found myself lonely as I was before you entered the family. Mom has been affected too- she is now slightly depressed and both of us regret things, though she does not know why I am even writing this.
For me, this is one of my many shots to bring you back and this is probably just another failed attempt. Yet there is a slight hope inside me that someday you will return to my family and claim your rightful place as my dear sister. You are probably seething right now as you read this letter, thinking how I dare try to speak to you and even ask for forgiveness after I ruined your perfect life. You probably want to take a sword and kill me with it.
I understand all of that. Even if you do choose to come back, which I highly doubt, you’d have to sort it out with your new owner and siblings. I’m sure your new siblings were better than me- Sloth is better than me! How could I have devised a plan to make you leave? How could I put so much work into hurting someone for my own benefits? I am full of regrets.
Please, dear sister, though you can’t even see the look on my face, I can tell you. I am crying, the pencil in my paw clutched so tightly and tears streaming down on my face. They are blurring the words- but I hope you can still read it. My- I mean our life, isn’t the same without your usual happy bubbling self around. I admit I was jealous- how your personality was so flawless and perfect and everyone wanted to be your friend while I stood in the background. I was never as kind as you- and though I didn’t want to admit, the truth hit me square in the face after you left. That horrible me inside showed its colors as I chose to turn your fate upside down chose to convince Mom with horrible feelings and words.
For that I am sorry. So much I wish to express to you my regrets even more like in person, but word reached me that you had moved to the other side of the world- the farthest you could ever be from us. The journey would be so far- but I would try it anyways. But Mom... I can’t leave Mom. She is so depressed I have become the one feeding us and doing everything she is usually supposed to do. Please answer me, Lilly, please, for the sake of Mom and not me, please come back, please complete our lives.
With love, your brother, Joey
I’ve received your letter. I do forgive you as a sister should, but even though I wish so dearly to come home, I am bound to my new family whom I love just as much as you and Mom. For that I cannot return to my old life. Though I understand your deep regrets and feelings, I must say that I will never forget what you did to me. With every living fiber of your body you had hoped I would leave- and it worked.
Yes, I do accept your apology. My life is ok; though you must understand what you did cannot ever make life change back to normal. Every now and then I shall visit Mom and you, but those chances aren’t as bad as you had thought. You were probably told that I lived on the other side of the world by the computer data base, no? You must learn to check information to make sure it isn’t outdated, Joey.
Anyways, I’m not even living in Altador anymore. We moved to Kiko Lake, not that far from Neopia Central where you guys live. Tell Mom I love her as I do you. She doesn’t deserve to be like this- I regret not fending for myself when Mom placed me into the Pound. I still feel comfortable calling Mom, Mom, but my new owner is a kind person, and though I do not call him ‘Dad’, I call him by his first name in a tone I would use for Mom. Even though Mom isn’t mother anymore, I do believe she reserves the right to be the only one who I shall ever call ‘Mom’ as she is the only owner who has ever really cared for me.
You are my brother, though now we are legally not. Mom isn’t even legally my mother. Writing this brings tears to my eyes too. Maybe things would have been better if I had actually attempted to befriend you. But I was too shy in the beginning, opening up to only Mom and not even expressing how badly I wanted to become your friend. You are not the only one with deep regrets, Joey, as I am also. Things could have worked out better.
I promise I will visit soon; I had lost hope of ever having contact with my old life until you wrote to me. Forgiveness I so do believe, but scars still remain. I don’t care anymore; I am satisfied that both of you still love me, and please don’t feel too bad- I am not miserable right now. For now I must go, farewell, dear brother, until we meet again one fateful day.
Love, Lilly, your sister forever
The fire Lupe gripped the paper. His sister... his sister!! She had actually written it, written it in her cute and neat script, dotting her Is with little smiles. It was her. She was one who he had kicked out, convinced their mother with guilt to place into the Pound, making her blindly believe it would give her a better life. Memories flashed at the speed of light in front of his eyes.
“Lilly...” He let the name escape his lips so quietly; it was almost swept away by the wind that blew gently through the open window.
He sat at Lilly’s desk in Lilly’s room. Though she had been gone for a long time, the furniture remained, their mother not having the heart to throw away ever remaining proof of her existence entering the household. Everything should have been dusty, but once Joey realized what he had lost due to his selfishness and jealousy, he kept the room clean and used. Lilly, you won’t ever be forgotten.
Tears blurred his vision and one began to slip down his muzzle, about to splatter the letter from his sister that, because of him, lost everything she loved. His mother was a depressed heap of living skin and bones and he himself had a small part of him eating his heart up, guilt. Guilt and greed was what had placed him into this situation. Swiftly he pulled the letter away to keep the tear from splattering the one item he now truly cherished.
Smiling, he felt so relieved to have found out his sister was ok and happy. She had forgiven him when he so clearly knew it was unfair for him to be even given a chance. That guilt still ate him up, but it was lessened, weakened, by that simple thought of Lilly returning. The young pink Lupess was his age except he was a couple months older- yet his mother trusted him and believed him even more. He was her first pet after all.
Shaking these thoughts from his cluttered and woozy head, Joey carefully placed the letter onto Lilly’s old lavender desk. He placed a red and yellow paw onto the desk, memories seeming to be running beneath his hand. Lilly had once sat here, when she was still a part of the family and when he still seethed at the very thought of her with every fiber of his body.
“Someday, somehow, you will return to us...” he whispered, his watery eyes beginning to overflow. “And even if I have to jump in to make it happen, I will!” And he got up...
The pink Lupess laughed as her only sister, Anna, who was a purple Uni, told her about a funny time. Lilly wiped a tear from her eyes and held her stomach which had begun to hurt with her excessive laughing. Anna let out a final chuckle before taking her turn. She put down two cards with her violet hoof, her face emotionless. A smirk crossed her lips.
“Three queens,” she stated.
Lilly looked down at her cards. “Cheat!” she proclaimed, lifting her head up and beaming.
“Oh fiddle sticks!” Anna said mockingly and giggled again, her laughs joined by Lilly a second later.
They took their turns, laughing frequently when one of them did something funny. Their owner, Jacob, called them down for a snack of Granny Smith apple slices and peanut butter with raisins. It was Lilly who had started the daily treat- she recalled her previous owner bringing her to the park once- and she had seen a lady feeding them to her baby neopets. Mother, Joey... she thought, a pang of sadness striking the Lupess. She shook her head to clear out the sad thoughts.
She took an apple slice and took a knife, smearing the thick and gooey peanut butter across the fruit piece. Anna passed her the small bowl of raisins and the Lupess plunged her paw in, sprinkling the peanut-butter-covered-apple in raisins. She picked up a stray raisin and ate it, savoring its sweet taste. Lilly bit into the apple, smiling as she drifted into the la-la land of sweet, fruity, peanut-buttery, raisiny goodness. She beamed and picked up another slice.
The doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it,” Lilly volunteered.
Jacob nodded. “It might be the Mailman- I’m still waiting for my friend to reply to me about what to do to increase our guild popularity.”
Lilly got up from the table after grabbing another apple slice and shoving it in her mouth. She held it there, sticking out of her teeth. I’ll look like an idiot to whoever is at that door! The pink Lupess silently chuckled and chewed a little of the apple peeking out of her mouth. She strode over to the door and opened it, still laughing about how idiotic she must have looked with that apple dangling out of her lips.
She opened the door and let out a cry of surprise; her half-eaten apple slice falling out of her mouth and hitting the carpeted floor with a light thud.
There, standing exhausted and weary, was Joey.
To be continued...