Of Slorgs and World Domination
Hello, fellow Neopians. My name is Peridot_Boss (Please, Boss for short), the most *handsome* Cybunny around, and I come to warn you of the dangers of...
I’ve undergone much painful explorations of these slimy little creatures, and, dear Reader, I’m sad to say that I was not surprised. The following is my account of such a sad, sad tale of the dreaded Slorg menace.
Well, being the Cybunny that I am, questing for world domination and all, I hunted down the nearest Meepit. After all, so many articles and stories have come up about the fuzzy cute things they are, and their plotting the downfall of Neopia, and one must look into competition before even hoping to be a decent world dominator.
Anyway, I soon found the Meepit I was looking for. He sat “innocently” in the Trading Post. So I sat and watched.
By the fourth ‘and watched’, I went off for a break and grabbed a sandwich. Coming back, I saw the creature suddenly spring from his spot and flee the scene. Well, I’ll admit, I’m not a Cybunny who used to spend his time in Grundo’s Gym, and my messy Bread an’ Butterfish Sandwich didn’t help, but I caught up to the creature after a short run, several stops, and a few strange looks.
He had stopped at the Defenders of Neopia! ‘Dear me,’ I thought, pausing for a good pant, ‘why didn’t I think of this place?’ As I mused on the subject, the Petpet rushed through the doors, before I could even catch my breath! The rudeness of the creature! Honestly!
But I gathered myself together and followed. Now my close friend and ‘sister’, Riyru, had been in here several times to fight for the good of Neopia. I, however, kept away from the justice-fighters, for fear they’d catch on to me, so the building was new to me, completely and utterly. It was huge! But the Meepit didn’t stop at the counter- ho no! He made a break for the “Series Two” door! Judge Hog, whom I had not long before feared, merely watched him and turned back to his messy breakfast that had been thrown together. I, however, wasn’t so lucky.
“Neopia needs YOU!”
I heard the towering giant bellow at the sight of me, causing myself to cringe. Not that I was scared or anything. I could’ve taken him.
But I ran away instead to save *him* the trouble. Yeah. Not because I was scared.
Anyway, I came back the next day, instead! Ah, the loyalty of me! And I resumed my trek to the “Series Two” Door! (This time, I should note, Lightning Lenny sat at the table, flipping through the pages of a comic book so fast I nearly got dizzy!) Taking advantage of the counter-watchers being busy, I threw open the door! Sadly, the Meepit was nowhere to be seen.
Then I saw it!
Two of the pink Petpets were guarding a small vent! That was cause for Concern, right? Right! So, off I went to explore.
Needless to say, I was unable to continue my search beyond that. The Meepits scattered fairly easily, but I was unable to fit into the vent they had guarded. So, instead, I stuck a Neovision camera on my own Petpet and shoved him inside, instead! Clever, no?
I only saw the footage earlier today (as I write this Article, I’m re-watching it), but the scene was, and still is, horrible! The Basement of the Defenders of Neopia Headquarters is coated in a thick layer of Slorg Slime! *shudder* Wall to wall, nothing but green... stuff. But that wasn’t the worst part! Not only was there Slorg SLIME, but actual Slorgs, as well! My poor Petpet, so innocent as he always is, wandered up to the nearest Slorg, who sported a handy Pink Helmet and Butter Knife, and began squeaking away in his strange noises. The Slorg gave him a strange look and glanced to the left of the Basement silently, where my beloved Pet went to explore, camera still recording. The Meepits I had seen earlier were gathered around a horrible-looking Slorg coated in slime and warts. I didn’t know Slorgs could get warts, but this one had them anyway. But before I could pop open a book of Slorg Physics, what should happen? The Meepits reached their small paws upward and took hold of a zipper hidden just behind one of their large eyes! Unzipping it, their pink fur and flesh fell away, revealing Slorgs! My Petpet looked away to the other side of the room, where REAL Meepits were being held hostage in a cage dangling over a vat of bubbling Pink Slorg Slime! Didn’t you ever wonder what happened to that Pink Slorg Slime from the “Which Petpet are You?” Quiz? Well, that answers it.
The conclusion, dear Reader, is that those horrible Meepits are nothing more than Slorgs in disguise! Their giant eyes popping out of their suits to give the look of the REAL thing!
Horrible creatures the Slorgs are. I’m gathering evidence of them being the creatures of Meuka! Mucus nothing- he’s made entirely out of Slorg Slime! Slime, I say!
And I ask you- No, no! I beg you!- to aid me in my quest to overcome the Slorgs! If you own a Slorg, please, dispose of it! Discard it! And several other things I plan to list in a later article! If your friend owns one, beg with them to get rid of it! Don’t let the Slorgs ruin the good name of Meepits any longer! Slorgs are the enemy! Slorgs-
*Scuffling sounds as Boss is forced into a closet*
Obviously, Boss has had too much sugar today. All the same, if you’re reading this, he ACTUALLY GOT INTO THE ‘TIMES. Whew. Caps. xD Anyway, if he did make it past the TNT Staff- lucky booger- then please feel free to send comments/suggestions for any further Slorg articles.
Apparently, Boss is scribbling away at another one already, though he won’t say anything about it, but he says he welcomes suggestions.
Be scared, people, be scared.