Gadgads-battledoming: Fighting with Fruit
POSTED: There has been interest shown in a Fruit-Only Battledome Tournament to be held during the second day of the Gadgadsbogen Festival. All interested parties should make plans to attend the Gadgadsbogen Planning Committee meeting on the first Tuesday of the month to provide input.
I began this article assuming that fruit were much underrepresented in the Battledome but came out pleasantly surprised after taking a survey of the local battling crowd and by later attending a meeting of the Gadgadsbogen Planning Committee. Here are my meeting notes as most of the discussion revolved around which weapons would be allowed and which would not:
First and Foremost
Fruitcake is neither fruit nor cake so the Fruit Cake Brick should not be allowed anywhere. Friends don’t let friends eat fruitcake.
Apples, Pears, and Plums
Apples are the obviously place to begin and there are many apple related weapons available, including a surprising amount of bombs: Chia Apple Bomb, Nimmo Apple Bomb, and the Kyrii Golden Apple of Healing. We may never know who is sitting around turning apples into bombs, but they’re doing a good job. Both the Chia and Nimmo versions do a decent amount of damage, but remember that they are species weapons, so only a Chia or a Nimmo could figure out how to use them. Keep in mind that the Chia Apple Bomb is very VERY rare; if you happen to have one, please don’t eat it.
Someone shouts, “What about my Everlasting Crystal Apple and my Apple Jelly Shield?” Those don’t make the cut as they are not actually made out of fruit; they are made out of crystal and high-fructose corn syrup.
B is for banana, a well represented fruit: Banana Sword, Mynci Banana Blade, and the Banana Blade Mynci Sword make the cut, as do the Usual Lemon Bomb and the Pear of Disintegration. Note that Extract of Plum is disallowed as a “fruit weapon”; I just needed a catchy sounding title for this section. While being useful in the Battledome, Plums are R99 rare, so Extract of Plum is not made with real plums but rather plum concentrate.
The Lost Desert’s Contribution
Surprisingly, the arid climate of the Lost Desert has given us quite a few fruit based weapons. Seeing as you have to do something with all of those Cheops filling up your Safety Deposit Box, someone invented the Cheops Shield. You can get these shields from playing Lost Desert Scratchcards, but at the time of this article no one has actually figured out how to use a Cheops Shield; they’re just too complicated for most pets to equip.
Yes, the Ummagine is a fruit, so the Ummagine Battle Muffin, Ummagine Bomb, and the Rod of Ummagine can be included in a fruit-weapon list; all three ummagine weapons were very rare plot prizes from Year 3. Their bland taste and propensity to get stolen will probably prevent the development of any future Ummagine weapons.
The Rotten Negg is included here, as neggs are fruit and the Lost Desert is a great place to turn them rotten. While doing a lot of damage, the Rotten Negg is a one use weapon and really, after using one you probably won’t want to use another; the smell really never washes out.
But enough talk about the Lost Desert; Gadgadsbogen is one of the biggest tourist draws for Mystery Island; shouldn’t the festival focus on some home-grown fruits? It turns out Mystery Island actually had a booming weapons trade before the Mystery Island Battledome Safety Administration put a stop to things back in Year 4. Several fruit related items were given away as prizes for plots and puzzles on Mystery Island (oh so long ago).
The Gadgadsbogen Planning Committee is always prepared to discuss past successes, so we paused here to watch a slide show from Year 5’s Gadgadsbogen Puzzle Plot. The prizes for the winners included the rare but weak Untwirly Dagger, the powerful but unreliable Pheppabomb and Exploding Froozle, and the almost too-powerful Flotato Gloves. The slide show ends with the Carnapepperdagger, a somewhat useful weapon that is the ruin of many Neopians hoping to complete a Pepper Gallery.
Mystery Island hosted another plot later that year. The Fruit Bomb is probably the prize you’re most likely to see up for sale at the Trading Post; it does a lot of damage in the Battledome, but it’s really rare. Only 50 or so were given away to solvers of the Mystery Island Volcano Mystery and there’s no telling where all of those Fruit Bombs could have ended up. About 200 Mystery Fruit Bowls were given away as prizes from this event also; it’s unclear whether this was intended to be a reward or was just something Jhuidah threw at the people who still wanted prizes after all of the Fruit Bombs had been given away.
Other prizes for this plot included the Coconut Slingshot... “Wait... coconuts aren’t fruit, are they?” The Committee Historian checks his copy of Neopian Encyclopedia A - E and nods in the affirmative. If we take into consideration that nuts are fruit, then Mystery Island has also given us Cocobolas, Tiki Amulet, and the Tiki Bomb. You can only eat so many coconut meals before you start tying strings to them so they can be thrown far away from you.
That’s not a fruit, is it?
If we’re going to allow coconuts on the list, then we have to include acorns; Faerie Acorns, Exploding Acorns, and Aisha Acorn Darts. While the Gadgadsbogen Planning Committee argues about that, someone shouts, “TOMATOES ARE FRUIT!” and the room descends into total chaos. Add the Tomato Bomb, Tomato Smasher, Tomato Spitter, and Cherry Tomato Darts to your fruit-based arsenal.
Could there be other fruit out there masquerading as “vegetables”? Yes, corn. You can add the Corn Sword to your “Fruit Weapon Gallery” (as long as you can convince Jhuidah to make one for you).
Someone shouts, “PEAS ARE FRUIT TOO!!!” and the room falls silent. The Fruit-Only Battledome Tournament was immediately cancelled at the request of the committee member representing the Mystery Island Battledome Safety Administration.