For an easier life Circulation: 175,202,528 Issue: 367 | 7th day of Storing, Y10
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series
 

Olim333's Guide To Being A Successful Royal Pet


by olim333

--------

Recently, I painted my Cybunny royal. But first of all, I needed to make sure she knew how to be royal.

Let me explain: If you had a Shoyru and decided to paint him Maraquan, you wouldn’t not teach him how to swim, because he’d look stupid in front of all the other Maraquan neopets.

So what I did was come up with a list of things your neopet should know before they get painted royal.

1) The wave. This isn’t just any old wave; this is THE WAVE. Not too fast, not too slow, and nice and high in the air. Accompany this with a snooty smile and when walking while doing The Wave, take small steps but not so small it looks like you are shuffling.

2) The smile. The smile should be sweet and slightly snobbish if you are a Princess or brave and courageous if you are a Prince.

3) The sit. Although this sounds funny, it is extremely important. NO, you can NOT slump in Sophie’s Rocking Chair, laughing like a loon at your billion neopoint puppet theater at all. You MUST have a bejeweled throne with your name spelt in rubies at the top of it. When you sit, sit gracefully with your back very straight (almost as if you have a ruler behind you) and your hands/paws folded neatly in your lap. Your legs must be close together and you must not look tense.

4) The laugh. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. This is crazy. But if you heard a beautiful princess cackling like Sophie the Swamp Witch, you wouldn’t be impressed. So the laugh for a Princess should be haughty, sweet, and giggly. For a Prince, deep and rich. There also has to be a tone of ‘I own the whole of Meridell, so what do you want now’ in there too.

5) The walk. Basically if you trip, the whole Neopian Times would have so many pictures of you kissing the ground you could make a flip book. Ok, the walk must be semi slow, not grandpa slow, just nice and slow. It must also be posh. If you are a prince, you are allowed to walk a LITTLE faster with larger strides than a princess, but not much.

6) The public personality. In public, you must ALWAYS act your best. Be quiet and grateful when accepting flowers or other gifts from other Neopians. Have a polite smile and look ever so slightly tired. And always say thank you.

7) The village idiot. No I’m not telling you to be the village idiot. Just if a village idiot attacks you, just look slightly angry and bothered. Then just set your 12 000 rabid kadoaties onto them with a small satisfied grin.

Now that we’ve covered that, here are some handy “FAQ”s.

Q: What if someone screams at me because they’re so happy to finally meet a Princess/Prince?

A: Just smile sweetly (princess) or smile happily (prince), giggle a tiny bit and ask them their name and how they are.

Q: THAT LITTLE BLUMAROO STOLE MY CROWN!!!! :O

A: Just send your 36 lawyers to their house and you’ll get it back, no worries.

Q: What if someone sneezes on me?

A: Even though that is purely disgusting, just blink once or twice and hand them a hanky. As hard as it is, try to force a small smile.

Q: What if I get my clothes dirty in public?

A: That’s why you keep 2 sets of clothes in your chariot. But always keep a few brooches handy to cover up that nasty tigersquash ice cream stain.

Q: What if I get really tired and get mobbed by (hopefully) adoring fans?

A: Your fellow royal friends should help you by getting a whole heap of chocolate and dumping it 50 meters away from you. Also, learn how to sprint. (DON’T SPRINT UNLESS IT IS COMPLETELY NECESSARY.)

Q: What is the best type of petpet?

A: One that is a similar colour to you; it must be cute and/or beautiful and it must be on the rarer side of things AND painted.

Q: How often should I make public appearances?

A: Ok, well, you don’t want to act like a rare bird that only appears once every year. At least once a week you should go into public. You want people to like you and not feel as if you hate them.

Q: What happens if I say/do something I regret in public?

A: Well firstly, you should have memorised this guide word for word, but in case of doing something that you regret, make a public apology asap and maybe donate 1 000 000 NP to the poorer citizens.

Q: What happens if a war breaks out and-

A: That’s what Kings, Queens and armies are for. :) Don’t worry. Good guys usually win.

Q: HOW DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH?!?!

A: Experience. I’ve seen royal pets that are even embarrassing to watch. That’s why I made this guide to help all those lucky new royal pets like my gorgeous Cybunny.

Now that you know how to act, just remember these few key points:

• People are usually jealous of you, so don’t be over the top. Be kind to everyone.

• Don’t be overly helpful. That’s what slaves are for.

• Don’t use slang. You are a higher being.

• Don’t argue with others unless completely necessary.

• If you are angry in public, don’t explode or make rash decisions.

• The Battledome is NOT a place for most princesses. Ripped dresses are not a good look at all.

• Don’t EVER cough/sneeze in public without holding a silk hanky with your name embroidered on it to your face. Burn it when you are finished.

• And last but not least, don’t brag. This only makes you look bad and no one will like or admire you at all if you do this.

I hope you teach all of these things to your neopets, because we certainly don’t want them to be Princes and Princesses who don’t know what they’re doing. That would be embarrassing.

By olim333

 
Search the Neopian Times




Great stories!


---------

Nameless
Costume? COSTUME? That's what he thought this was?

by ayame_23

---------

Doglefox Duets
Two doglefoxes just can't stay out of trouble.

by oo_luckey_duckey_oo

---------

Rock On, Neopia!
Another night filled with endless music coming from Neopia's greatest bands.

by kattrish

---------

The Elements of the Exploring: Part One
She smiled to herself and sped up, thinking she had won, until suddenly, a cloud of fire appeared before her...

by iamcanadian1428



Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.