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Rock On, Neopia!

by kattrish


It stands high and proud against the setting Tyrannian sun, a strange sort of melody echoing in its mighty halls. For the people of Tyrannia, the sunset meant only one thing: another night filled with endless music coming from Neopia’s greatest bands.

Caedir: I pity them, actually. They had to listen to those wannabe musicians every single night of their lives. If I were them, I would have moved.

Caylir: *headdesk*

Caedir: Wait... I would have destroyed the Concert Hall out of spite, then moved.

And of course, this means another one of those Caylir and Caedir moments. This time, the two are tasked to review and critique (though in Caedir’s case, insult) some of the bands that rock the world to this very day.

Are you ready, Neopia?



Jub Zambra and the Cobrall Charmers

*The History

Jub Zambra was one of the poor citizens of Sakhmet, and in order to survive the harsh life of the Desert, he took to performing in front of the crowds. To attract even more of the tourists, he added a Cobrall to his presentations, and of course, many Neopians were so amazed by his skill that it increased what he earned throughout the days.

He wasn’t the only one doing that sort of thing in Sakhmet, however. His band mates were struggling performers as well, and Jub Zambra suddenly had this idea of bringing them all together. It was quite a disaster at first, and it took a while for them to get used to playing with the others. They did in the end, and not only did they get to earn more so they could live rather comfortable lives, their popularity rose in the city of Sakhmet, and in a few years, they were known throughout the whole Neopian world.

*The Review

Cay: That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard! Imagine that... starting out small, then KABAM! Instant hit in the Neopian Music Industry.

Caedir: I thought we were going to critique their music, not their life story.

Cay: Caedir... *sighs*

Caedir: What? I lived a rather sad life too: being zapped by the lab ray accidentally, running around as a freakish Grundo, zapped by that annoying Boochi, and being teased by all my other friends... But you don’t see me announcing that to the whole world, do you?

Cay: Well, you just did...

Caedir: Oh, piffle.

Cay: On to the reviews then.

Caedir: Finally! I can insult now.

Cay: While I was watching their band play for the first time, I felt as though I was transported to the Lost Desert itself. Their music was just wonderful and one could actually feel the story of the Desert reverberating in their songs. Seeing Jub Zambra and the Cobrall Charmers is definitely worth my time and money. Five stars to them!

Caedir: You know, you’re the best liar in the whole world, Cay. I beg to disagree. That so-called band we just saw earlier is one of the worst I’ve ever heard. First of all, they’re all out of tune. It’s as though they’ve been playing their horrid music for such a very long time that they’ve forgotten what real music sounds like.

Cay: I don’t find them horrid...

Caedir: Then something must be wrong with you, then. As for that whole “Lost Desert reverberating in their songs" thing? Fish Pops. I’ve been to the Lost Desert, and there’s not one trace of the Lost Desert in them, unless you count their being lost in tune.

*Must haves

From left to right: Jub Zambra and the Cobrall Charmers Mug, Jub Zambra and the Cobrall Charmers Fez, Jub Zambra and the Cobrall Charmers Keyring, Jub Zambra and the Cobrall Charmers Poster, Jub Zambra and the Cobrall Charmers T-Shirt




The Neopian Philharmonic

*The History

The Neopian Philharmonic was actually discovered by a Noble of Brightvale. It was the day of King Hagan’s birthday, but unfortunately, the Neopians that were supposed to play for the King became sick with Neoflu on the day itself. The Noble who was in charge of setting up the celebration was quite pressured, and had no choice but to hire a bunch of amateur musicians who had absolutely no experience in performing in front of a large crowd of Royals.

Despite the fact that they were hired on that day, and had no time to practice, the small group did well, and were even called a few weeks later to play before a group of Ambassadors coming from the different Kingdoms in Neopia. Thus, The Neopian Philharmonic was born.

*The Review

Caedir: Great Sloth! YOU call that MUSIC? You’ve got to be kidding me! I was bored out of my wits.

Cay: It’s called classical music, Caed, which you obviously don’t know anything about.

Caedir: Classical? Pfft. More like dull.

Cay: *shakes head* You ought to appreciate these kinds of things. The Neopian Philharmonic is simply grand, and those classical music enthusiasts will surely enjoy their time listening to them.

Caedir: Enthusiasts? What enthusiasts? The whole Concert Hall was empty. We were the only ones there.

Cay: How about the Tonu in the front rows, hmm?

Caedir: That was the janitor sweeping the floors, and he doesn’t count. Honestly, they should really play more interesting songs since the ones that they did perform were not awesome, catchy and breathtaking as everyone says they are.

Cay: But it’s classical!

Caedir: So “classical" means “boring", now?

Cay: *grumbles incoherently*

Caedir: See? I’m right. Despite the dullness of the whole thing, I must applaud the orchestra’s talent. Not everyone could play those instruments well, and not everyone in their right minds would perform such dreary concerts where no one would even go to. Kudos to artistic expression and whatnot.

*Must haves

From left to right: Neopian Philharmonic CD, Neopian Philharmonic Hat, Neopian Philharmonic Glasses, Neopian Philharmonic Umbrella, Neopian Philharmonic Mug




Twisted Roses

*The History

The Twisted Roses was formed a few years ago by Moe Sullen, a Shoyru and the lead singer of the band. It was the yearly musical competition, and that year, the trio decided to join it and introduce a new kind of music to their happy-go-lucky Neoschool. Dressed in their black and crimson outfits, and armed with their killer instruments, they rocked the whole show, earning them the coveted gold trophy.

It wasn’t until after the mini concert that they decided on their name, though. Dour Grimel, the Ixi guitarist, was given a bouquet of roses by one Neopian who enjoyed their show and commented that they gave a rather “twisted and wicked" performance. Put those two together, and they have a name!

*The Review

Caedir: Finally! Something I like!

Cay: It’s too loud and screechy for me...

Caedir: Too loud and screechy? But it’s just perfect! The lyrics of the song are simply amazing and full of meaning. You could definitely feel the emotions in the songs.

Cay: What lyrics? The only thing I hear is the sound of them screaming their hearts out up there.

Caedir: That’s because you don’t listen and feel the rhythm of their songs hard enough. Full of angst? Yes. But the emotion is clearly portrayed there, and emotion is one of the important things in music. It’s what made these trio a hit in the Neopian music world.

Cay: I guess that’s true.

Caedir: The other concert goers agree with me as well. I mean, look: there are those who actually come to the concerts.

Cay: Awesome. Really.

Caedir: Who’s the sarcastic one now? *grins*

Cay: *shakes head* Though I must say, their clothing is quite... unique. It’s a lovely style, I guess, albeit being a bit dark and red... and dark.

Caedir: It’s the fashion style these days. You ought to get out more, Cay. Black and red for the WIN.

*Must haves

From left to right: Twisted Roses Keyring, Twisted Roses Mug, Twisted Roses Magnet, Twisted Roses Shirt, Twisted Roses Poster



And there you have it: three of Neopia’s famous bands, complete with the ratings of those wacky two. There’s more to come, however, as there are more bands out there waiting to be heard. For now, keep on rocking, Neopia!

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