Sanity is forbidden Circulation: 91,590,388 Issue: 174 | 21st day of Sleeping, Y7
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Weekend Fun


by erileen

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Over the weekend all of our beloved villains met together for their convention. For some reason a Darigan Zafara brought an invitation to my doorstep and said she couldn't wait to see me this weekend! I was about to tell her it had to be a mistake, but on the envelope it said "The Masked Odd-Ball" and inside was a nice note saying they were sorry that my last years "conquer Neopia" plan didn't work out. I smiled and couldn't wait to attend.

      So, on Saturday I woke up early and got out my trademark (just think, I have a trademark!) black mask and long black cape. I even put on the black boots, but after one step I tripped and I decided that I'd best just go in sneakers.

      As I was leaving, I made sure to grab a pencil and paper so I could record every moment of the festivities. I stepped outside, wondering how I would get to the meeting place, which was the Dark Side of Neopia. Suddenly a large, black carriage pulled by two Eyrie popped up. The doors swung open, and I heard some people yell, "The Masked Oddball! HOORAY!" I smiled as I stepped on to the carriage, which was driven by the Darigan Zafara!

      "Good to see ya, Masked Oddball," she said as I climbed on. I took a seat next to Vira. She smiled.

      "Hey Masked Oddball! How are you? I'm sorry about that small faulty with the Neopia Domination plan last year! It was great! Who would have thought to trap everyone in Jelly? Too bad it melts!"

      "Yeah, I know," I sighed. "So, how long is this trip anyway?"

      "'Bout thirty minutes if Diane makes all of the right turns. She's a pretty nutty driver."

      I looked around me and I saw all of the great Villains. Behind me were Mutant Grundo and Balthazar. Across from them were Hubrid Nox and Spider Grundo. Behind them were Ghost Lupe and Malkus Vile. Across from Malkus and Lupe was the Grundo Warrior, who took up the entire seat.

      "Where's the rest of the gang?" I asked Vira.

      "Swamp Ghoul prefers to float over; Diane refuses to let Meuka and Jelly Chia on, for obvious reasons. Sloth and Lord Darigan don't like carriages, the Lava Ghoul usually travels with the Swamp Ghoul... oh, and Diane also won't let Tax Beast on because last year he robbed all of us of all our spending money," she pouted. "That was a week's worth of allowance!"

      "Uh-huh." I was dizzied by trying to write all of this down. Suddenly, the carriage lurched to a stop. "We're here!" Diane yelled. "Off, off, I'll be back at four to pick all you munchkins up." She stretched in her seat. Suddenly, there was a hiss, and a black creature jumped onto Diane.

      "Munchkin, eh? MUNCHKIN!?" she creature hissed. I was feverishly scribbling down notes about the battle scene while everyone else watched.

      "Oh, Shadow Usul! I hate it when I don't know you're on board! Were you wearing your seat belt!?" Diane roared. The Shadow Usul let out a hiss, and jumped of the carriage step. Everyone chuckled at Diane's pouting posture as we stepped of into the swampy area. We marched up to the big castle and knocked on the door. It was answered by a Mutant Grundo, who smiled.

      "Friends! Friends! Come in!" he said. We all stepped into a huge room with an enormous ceiling.

      "We got one that big just for you, Grundo Warrior," said a chilling voice. Doctor Sloth stepped in, wearing his black robes. He was standing with Lord Darigan, who was hugging a plastic orb to his chest.

      "What's that plastic thing?" I asked him, reaching out and touching it.

      "MY ORB!! MY ORB!" he screamed. He hugged it. "Orby, Orby, are you OK?" he whispered to it, as he hugged it.

      Vira whispered, "Ever since the whole Meridell-Darigan thing, he's been very sensitive about Orby." She rolled her eyes. I giggled and made note of it on my notepad.

      "Did you rent this place, Dr. Sloth?" I asked.

      "Call me Frankie, and yes, I did Masked Odd-Ball," Frankie said. Darigan stopped cuddling his orb long enough to say,

      "I chipped in don't you forget."

      "Yes, yes...well, let's get out of the foyer and into the main room."

      If you are imagining a huge foyer, imagine a bigger main room. It was bigger than my entire NeoHome! My jaw dropped when I entered in. It was outstanding.

      On a six foot long sofa, Meuka, Swamp and Lava Ghouls, and The Tax Beast. His eyes gleam as he sees my long cape and mask.

      "Hey, Masked Beaver, how much did that Mask Cost? Huh, huh? Or that cape, seems awful nice! How much could I get off that, Masked Loony? Huh, huh?" he said quickly. Vira aimed a kick at him, but misses.

      "Get out of here, Beast!" she snapped. He, however, was looking at her lips.

      "What kind of lipstick is that, Vira? How much did it cost? It looks creamy, creamy red!" he said this very fast, as well. Vira kicked him and got a direct hit.

      "Get OUT of here!" she cried. He wiggled his nose and scampered away to annoy someone else. Balthazar cleared his throat.

      "I made an Earth Faerie pie. Would anyone like a slice?"

      "EARTH FAERIE? EARTH FAERIE! You could make a couple thousand on that, Balthy!" Beast cried. Balthazar growled.

      "I told you not to call me Balthy, Beast! Now scram! If I want to made Earth Faeries into pies, I can!" Beast scampered away, mumbling something under his breath. Frankie gave Balthazar a knife, and he cut the pie into thirty-two equal slices. To be polite, I tasted some, and surprisingly, it wasn't that bad.

      "This is great, Balthazar," Vira said, as she took the last bite of her slice. Darigan desperately tried to feed Orby pie. Meuka sneezed, and snot flew all over.

      "I'll clean that up!" he said in a stuffy voice.

      "Hey, Frank, can I keep the plate?" Beast whispered to Frankie. Frankie groaned.

      "Why do I invite you, Beast?" he sighed. Then he clapped his hands.

      "Okay everyone! Living room!" he yelled. He held a huge basket, full of booklets. When we were all finally settled, he passed them out

      "These are your "I'M EVIL!" booklets for Year Six. We'll read through them soon. But first, let us be polite and listen to fellow villain, Meuka, who has prepared a talk for us."

      There was some unenthusiastic applause and Meuka stepped into the middle of the room. He set up a large board carefully, as to not get any snot on it. It looked wonderful with many full color illustrations and 3-D diagrams. But all of a sudden-ACHOO-he sneezed. The board was covered in snot. "Ohhh!" Meuka sighed. He blew his nose, and then tried to wipe some of the snot off the board, only making it worse. Finally he sighed, and started,

      "My presentation was really good, but after this unfortunate accident..." he sighed. "The visuals help a lot, so use your imagination." He talked about something terribly complex, and I tuned it all out. So did everyone else except the Grundo Warrior, who actually understood it. Finally, Frankie took action.

      "Thank you Meuka! That was great! Now, because Meuka's presentation took so long..."

      "It took three hours!" Vira whispered to me.

      "We'll skip reading our booklets now, and go right to dinner!"

      We all sat down at a giant sized table, and everyone reached for the food they had made. The invitation had clearly stated to make a food that went with you. Frankie cleared his throat.

      "We're all going to share what we made. I made a roast Snorkle!" he said, proudly, as he set it on the table.

      Altogether, we dined on the Roast Snorkle, Snot Pudding, an Orb shaped cake, Dollar sign cupcakes, a Dark faerie pie, Lava soup, Swamp-Muck Ice Cream, and my fabulous Jelly tower. Everyone else mumbled they had forgot. Meuka took home a lot of leftovers.

      After the dinner, both of the ghouls left. Vira chased Beast around for an hour when he stole one of her platform shoes. We all told world domination stories for a while. Soon it was time to leave.

      "Don't forget your booklets! Have a nice holiday!" Frankie yelled as we left. We all climbed onto the bus, and Diane hit the gas.

      It was another twenty minutes before I got home. I waved to all of my pals, calling things like, "Have a nice holiday!" "Don't work too hard!" "I'll Neomail you the recipe!"

      About a week later I received a letter from Vira. Attached to it was a picture of Darigan sucking his thumb and clutching Orby. Underneath it, Vira had written:

      Hope you have fun at the convention. Do you like the picture? It's on his "wanted" sign.

See you at next year's convention!

~Vira

      Ahh, the unexpected joys of being The Masked Oddball

The End

  Author's Note: My pets have no idea that I am secretly the Masked Oddball, so shh! I had a lot of fun at the villains' convention, and yes, I'm already planning a way to destroy Neopia next year...you just wait ;)

 
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