The YurBoRuki Factor (And An Introductory January Recap)
NEOPIA CENTRAL/LOST DESERT/ICE CAVES – Well, well, well, what a year this has
been, eh? As we come near to the end of the year of our Fyora, Year Six, it’s
only traditional to look back and reflect on all the important events that occurred
and the deep lessons we’ve learned. The heartfelt sentiments, the valuable emotions,
and the timeless morals – let’s take a look back, shall we?
Please, people – did you really think that I, the self-proclaimed master of
awesomeness and modesty, would really think about feelings? HA! Plop
down on a chair and listen as I recap what I believe to be the most important
events to have occurred in Neopia since Tonuplasty and Spardel Reconstructive
Surgery appeared just south of Tyrannia.
The year began with the extremely successful Battle for Meridell TCG
Expansion set. January saw the release of this exceptional expansion, and that’s
the end of that. Now for the real story.
The first annual Sloth Appreciation Festival arrived on January 14th,
and let me tell you something – it freakin’ rocked. Slorgs got vaporized,
minds got controlled laboratorically, and perhaps the coolest mutant pet in
some time made its debut: the Mutant Meerca. Although it looks as if
it suffers from a pixelated allergy, this hunk of grotesque fuzz and awkward
stench changed the face of Neopia forever... by making it uglier.
Unfortunately, among all the happy Sloth supporters and Meridell knights, a
crowd gradually grew, a crowd supporting the release of one very unlucky concept
that can be summed up in two words: pack rat. As Neopians ran wildly
about hoarding the most unlikely of items for their Safety Deposit Boxes, inflation
went crazier than the Roo Island Merry-Go-Round. Yep, it pretty much stayed
the same. ;)
Nonetheless, nothing could prepare Neopia for the addiction that is NeoQuest
2. Having been public for almost the entire year, it still remains at the
top of everyone’s ‘fun’ list. Of course, it also resides near the top of everyone’s
‘OMG I WANT TO SMASH MY COMPUTER AND BURN EVERYTHING’ list as well. But it’s
mostly fun. Mostly.
Now, let me ask you something. You’ve just read these last 4 paragraphs, right?
And let me ask you something else, then... weren’t they boring? I’m sure by
now, you’ve grown tired of reading this article – I mean, half of the events
aren’t even that significant! Thus, here’s a surprise... IT’S A JOKE! Disregard
everything I just wrote! The real reason I’m writing this article? Not to reflect
on all those petty events of Year Six, but on three single triple singular tripular
events: the release of the Yurble, Ruki, and Bori.
Look at the title. Look at the location. We’re hear to talk YurBoRuki. What’s
that you ask? Well, for the remainder of this article, whenever I say YurBoRuki,
substitute the words “Yurble, Bori, and Ruki.” For example:
WRONG: I hate Yurbles, Boris, and Rukis! They’re so stupid! They’re ugly and
their lineart is putrid!
RIGHT: YurBoRuki stinks.
Anywho, I’m sure by now you all know what these three Neopets have in common:
yep, they were all released this year! We were promised a new Neopet, and we
got the Yurble in late May. And then, what’s this? July 29th, here comes...
a Ruki! All the way from the Lost Desert and Neopia Central, these two pets
are sure to be warmly welcomed into the Neo—wait a second! Here comes October,
and a Bori! Oh my gosh! Three new Neopets! Like, woah!
Thus, one right after the other, three new Neopets were launched into the Neopian
world: the Bori, from the Ice Caves; the Ruki, from the Lost Desert; and the
Yurble, from wherever the heck Yurbles are from.
So YurBoRuki’s been out for quite some time now – the Bori for a mere 3 months,
the Yurble for more than 6 – but who’s more popular? Well, let’s take a look
Okay, so now that introductions are done, let’s get into the real business.
Which. One. Is. Better. That’s the question (or four-word sentence) that we’ll
be answering today (or tonight, depending on if you’re an antisocial hobbit
who likes to sit home on late late nights and read a virtual newspaper). So
let’s get to it, shall we?
Section 1: Battledomeness
If given an opportunity to see one member of YurBoRuki battle another member
of YurBoRuki, I would have to say that that would be an extraordinary fight.
Yurbles are wonders in the Battedome – with their cute, fuzzy facades, they
can attack with razor-sharp fingernails (I’d hardly call them claws) and strangle
you with their cinnamon-bun ears. Of course, this is a children’s site,
so the least they could do is whip you feebly.
Then, of course, there are the Rukis – the insect-like things that can smash
you with their four legs and robotic-looking elbows. Their antennae may be good
for impaling, but again, children’s site – so tickle away, Ruki.
Boris, on the other hand, have claws like dynamites. Except they don’t erupt.
Nonetheless, their claws are great for puncturing and maiming anything that
stands (Grarrls), sits (Aishas), or awkwardly rolls (Kiko). Boris ought
to be the best Battledomers of the bunch, in my opinion. Then again, what do
Section 2: Style
Well, it seems as if looks are the most important things in Neopia today. I
mean, that’s all Unis care about, so obviously the Unis are right. Because we
all know Unis are the smartest and most beautiful and the least vain and the
most responsible and they’ll never go out and come home at 3:00 AM NST. Never.
Let’s start with the Yurbles. Obviously, these bundles of handsomeness look
great, what with their scruffy manes, ungroomed paws, and bloated guts. On second
thought, maybe they’re not the most stylish or sophisticated.
Moving on to Boris, these cute lil’ suckers are just that: cute lil’ suckers.
Their furry fur and shelly shell are great for little kids who want to grow
up and have a shell and fur. But anywho, Boris are too cute for my taste.
They say two heads are better than one. They also say that you shouldn’t include
useless proverbs in articles. Nonetheless, I’m doing that to make a point that,
in an unrelated matter, four legs are better than two! Rukis are the
only creatures in Neopia to have four working, unbroken leg-like things, yet
still stand up. Their elegance and sophistication is reflected in the fact that
they just plain rock! Rukis win this round.
Section 3: The Publicity
Yurbles – NEGLECTED.
Rukis – NEGLECTED.
Boris – Freakin’ plot. Boris win.
Section 4: The Real Popularity
If you look at the stats on the world page, you’ll notice that this is where
the better pet really shines.
Yurbles come in 36th place with just above 975,000. Good for those cinnamon-bun
hairballs. Boris rank in at 41st with 543,000, and Rukis come in last (42nd,
really) with 471,000. Thus, it seems that Yurbles are the most popular in Neopia
today. But my friends, that’s just today – soon, the Hannah plot will commence,
and Boris will rise to the highest ranks of Neopian ownership. Soon.
Now, I feel that this article is useless in its last few paragraphs. I mean,
how many more sections can I go on, comparing YurBoRuki to each other? Sure,
Boris may have the lowest body fat, or Rukis may have the best skills at stamp
licking, but what can really determine which is the better pet? Why, the Neopian
populace, of course!
I interviewed 148 people – some real, some made-up – and they all appeared
to be rooting for one of those 3. So there you have it. The most popular pet
released this year is either the Ruki, Bori, or Yurble. Yep. It’s the YurBoRuki
who comes in first, with YurBoRuki in second and YurBoRuki in third. I hope
that helps you in your decision to adopt one of these fine pets.
So, thus I leave you with my last article of the year, and possibly my last
article in my Neopian Times career. It’s been a good run, but I suppose my time
is up in a few weeks. Have an awesome new year, filled with lots of humor and
jokes that you stole from me. Feel free to drop me a Neomail about anything.
:) This is Simsman24000, over and – finally – out.