Where there's a Weewoo, there's a way Circulation: 175,301,044 Issue: 361 | 26th day of Gathering, Y10
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

The Great Carrot/Floud Experiment

by carrotopian


(or "Vaguely interesting things to do when you have already eaten far too much candy and have both sugar and way too much time on your hands")

As most of us know only too well - any activity (particularly when hanging around in Neopia) that follows rambling and apparently idle musings along the lines of: "I was just wondering..." can produce the most dramatic results. Sometimes, the outcome is of jaw-dropping, Nobel Prize-winning magnitude - but not always (please be advised to bear that nugget of important information in mind for later).

For example: there was the time that I earnestly considered shaving my two pet guinea pigs in order to see just how closely they really did resemble Meepits; especially - and perhaps largely because - one of them enjoys a very real and astonishingly vigorous penchant for fast (and artfully skilfull) freestyle face-biting. Despite these two, hairy-featured cavies of mine appearing, to all intents and purposes, to be sweet, snuggly, gentle, vegetarian pacifists - I had long since harboured the chilling suspicion that behind that fuzzy, angelic facade lurked black and wicked hearts that oozed bald, pink malevolence (plus the fact that they sometimes smell very, very weird). Unfortunately, I could not entice them to stay still for long enough (even with the aid of strong glue, a roll of string and a bag of tomatoes) and besides, I quickly realized that "Mweep, mweep, mweep, mweep!" sounds absolutely nothing like "La la la la la la la la la la..." FAIL.

However, over an exceedingly long time (probably lengthier than is truly necessary for the well-adjusted individual), there was another and increasingly more pressing issue that had been playing sharply on my feverish mind and which, ultimately, took shape as one of the greatest experiments of my Neopian adventure to date. I am sharing my findings with you now because I solemnly believe that my research has barely scratched the surface of this mystery, and that there is something much more sinister lurking deep in the bowels of... oh well - you'll see what I mean; read on:


Exhibit A


Item Lookup

Name: Carrot

Weight: 1 lbs.

Rarity: 10

Estimated Value (approx): 102 NP

Description: "Delicious for your pet to nibble on."


Exhibit B


Item Lookup

Name: Floud

Weight: 1 lbs.

Rarity: 57

Estimated Value (approx): 1695 NP

Description: "Flouds just float around until they bump into something interesting. Never feed them carrots."

So - the first major discrepancy that comes into focus here is the contradictory nature of the item descriptions; let us examine these more closely:

Exhibit A - Carrot: "Delicious for your pet to nibble on." The operative word here is pet; to clarify - you can actively feed food items to your Neopet[s] (and in some cases, non food items)* but, you cannot actually feed a Petpet, directly.

Exhibit B - Floud: "Never feed them carrots." [See previous entry on feeding Petpets]. However, {dramatic pause} as reported in the Neopets News on 9th Day of Swimming, Y5: "Neopets have been complaining that their Petpets have started to eat food in their inventory... uh oh".

Duhn... duhn... duuhhhnnnn..!

With a cute, cuddly young Floud (fresh that morning from Faerieland Petpets) and one of Quinton the Quiggle's tasty-looking (and equally as fresh) Carrots from the Neopian Health Food Shop nestling safely in my Inventory, I set about unlocking the mysteries of Floud digestion. I was already prepared for something resembling the effects of kissing a non-magical Mortog and thus - fetchingly attired in heavy-duty wading boots, protective goggles, elbow-length rubber gloves and a shiny, yellow plastic mac - I eagerly awaited the results.

I am sure that I should point out, at this juncture, that there really was a great deal at stake. I am not, after all, one who is given to flinging precious commodities such as Carrots around with wild and careless abandon - unlike whoever was in charge of managing the menu at the Kadoatery a few weeks ago; the less said about that the better (but really - what were you THINKING?). Anyway, Carrots - those most exquisite of vegetables - are not designed to be mishandled and besides, you could really have someone's eye out with the pointy end.

So, it was with great reverence that I placed my sacrificial Carrot in my Inventory; that brave, little orange soldier (*dabs* tear) and waited patiently for something to happen. After thirty-three grueling minutes of F5-bashing (taking appropriate health and safety breaks into account) something definitely happened:

Floud eats Carrot!

What? That was it? Nothing else happened? No mutating into a beastly, wrinkled, orange monster with clumps of ragged green hair? No ugly twisting, painful contorting, ear-shattering explosions, terrifying growling, foul odors, suspicious seepage or slime-related activity of any kind? Still just a Floud? How horribly disappointing and, quite frankly, utterly suspicious. There is certainly more to this than meets the eye; TNT wouldn't warn of of the possible dangers of offering an innocent-looking, floaty Floud a seemingly innocuous morsel, like a Carrot if there were not the possibility of some serious repercussions - would they?


Back to the drawing board...

* Owners of Neopet species with more voracious appetites, such as Grarrls, will likely know that their sweet little dinkums would as soon eat that Pink Draik Morphing Potion as they would undergo a fabulous transformation. Mind you; any Neopet of mine committing such an unforgivable act would find themselves suddenly and unexpectedly transformed in a whole new fabulous way (gives the batty Bruce that runs the Spooky Food Shop a knowing look...)

Disclaimer: the allusion to the removal of hair (or fur) from domestic pets (including but not directed solely at guinea pigs) was introduced as an amusing aside for entertainment purposes only and it is not recommended that this practice should be discussed in public nor attempted outside of the confines of the imagination. To this end, the author takes no responsibility for any form of attempted cavy-shaving or piggy-plucking (imaginary or otherwise) and/or the aftermath of the aforementioned practice[s].

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


Talk About Random "Where Is Zappz? Part 4"
Blayne has returned from Faerieland... but did he find Zappz or gypsies?

by buizelmaniac


The Hero Society - #3
...In which we have numbers and the beginnings of a plot.

by bearcatt


The Book: Part Three
Maria sighed. She was stuck on an island with a depressed thimble enthusiast and a magic book that had lost its magic.

by herdygerdy


Clashing Colours
The Mortog's kiss

by ringb

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.