Invisible Paint Brushes rock Circulation: 175,667,400 Issue: 357 | 29th day of Hiding, Y10
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Dr. Sloth Apologizes


by ronnied1994

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Dear Neopia,

      It is I, Dr. Sloth. I have to apologize for all the nasty things that I’ve done. What I have done in the past was very mean and I understand how cruelly I have treated all of you. You little fuzz buckets are actually not too bad. I mean, sure, once you get past the fact that you always run away from me, you can see that there is nothing but good intentions behind your actions.

      First off, I would like to say sorry to all the Grundos I called “dumb” or even “dimwitted.” Your race is brilliant, and that’s why I use to make you do almost all my dirty work. But, today, you are all fired. I no longer want to do any evil; you are all free to go. Live your lives, enjoy, I am no longer your ruler. Do what your little, puny, idiotic... I mean, imaginative hearts desire.

      As for Neopia, it is a wonderful place. I don’t understand why I didn’t see it so many years ago. Why should I conquer such a beautiful planet? From Faerieland to Mystery Island, these places deserve to be left in peace. From today, every land in Neopia must no longer worry about me. I mean no harm.

      I want to thank the Space Faerie from stopping me from taking over the world years ago. What you did was smart, even if I did hold a grudge for the last couple of years. That’s all behind me and I want to offer a truce to you; I now see things through your eyes. You are a saint with wings, and blue hair and in a starry suit... but that’s beside the point. The point is that you are a truly amazing faerie, and every young faerie should take a couple of pointers from you.

      By the way, I am the Happiness Faerie. You guys never suspected it! I only wanted to bring gloom, doom... I mean happiness, beauty, and joy to all. Didn’t you all know and love the Happiness Faerie? On second thought, don’t comment about that and let’s move on to a different topic.

      Didn’t you Neopians get a kick out of “Advert Attack?” I wasn’t trying to stop Ace Zafara. All I wanted to do was show him some stuff he could have got after the race. But, since everyone thinks I’m so evil, it’s obvious they would think I would do such an awful thing. Ace Zafara, I’m telling you this now so that years later, we can laugh about this. We can probably be best buddies or something, I think.

      Are you guys still upset about the transmogrification potion? Okay, that was actually an accident. I didn’t think Kauvara would even accept my offer in the first place. I didn’t know what the potion would do. It’s Jhudora’s fault! I knew she tampered with it, I just didn’t want to admit it. Besides, it was worth it seeing the looks on your little faces when you looked ugly! This time around, I can’t accept all the blame.

      I know you guys hate when I turn items into sludge. I also apologize for that. I mean, it’s actually sort of fun, but it’s also a hobby. When you’re not plotting to destroy the world, you have to have some sort of pastime. You know, you have a safety deposit box; use it.

      For the past couple of years, I’ve been getting letters from Brucey B who is STILL complaining about that whole lucky coin thing. How many times do I have to say I’m sorry? I shouldn’t have done it. I know, I know, just another thing that he can rub in my face. If you’re reading this, Brucey B, I want you to know that those letters are really starting to get on my nerves, so stop while you’re ahead of yourself.

      I need to apologize to Hannah. I’m sorry I mutated you at the end of Hannah and the Ice Caves. But it was funny, for me anyways. At least they turned you back to normal and gave the story a proper ending.

      To the Neopets Staff, I’m still angry at you for cancelling my story line. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have mutated that Usul! I’ll forgive you on one condition; give me a story line! Please? I feel lonely... and now that I fired all these Grundos, I have no one.

      My program, Neopet Version 2, was very... umm... touchy. I’m sort of sorry for that one. I know I should have given you the codes; you would have said I actually had a heart. Back then, that would have insulted me. I want you guys to know that I do have a heart on me and I should have given you the codes. Billy and Sarah would have maybe come home quicker.

      Moving on to different matters, people wonder if I’m a neopet, and I usually say I’m not. I almost blasted someone for calling me one. But who can blame them for mistaking me for an adorable little Chia? *bats eyelashes* I can’t tell you if I’m a neopet, mainly because I don’t really feel like it. It’s fun seeing what you Neopains... sorry, Neopians can come up with. But next time you guess a Neopet, make it something strong, like a Lupe or even a Kougra. We all know I need a Neopet that matches my intelligence and good looks.

      After reading all I have just said, I’m sure you citizens out there are thinking, is this some kind of trick? It isn’t; this is the new, nice and not-so-evil Dr. Frank Sloth owning up to what he did in the past. I learnt that karma has an odd way of being unkind to me, so I want to clear that up. From now on, I will do nothing but good and be a good citizen like anyone else.

      In honor of this decision, I want to start showing some generosity by giving each and every Neopet owner their own Sloth Clone! You can turn all those unwanted items like old soda cans, expired food and bad Christmas gifts into none other than sludge. You won’t ever have to worry about Aunt Mary giving you a toothbrush for your birthday or any other holiday ever again!

      I want to be a better person, and I know this is the first step, so I’m being brave and taking it. I will now accept anything that comes in my way. People will look at me and say, “That Frank may have been evil at first, but he really turned things around. If only every villain was like that. *sigh* Neopia would be so much more safer.”

      What I’m really trying to say here is that I surrender. I am ready to accept any punishments, such as jail, being banned from Neopia and even turning into a Neopet. Do anything you’d like, I really don’t mind, it’s not like it bothers me. Do anything, I beg you, I insist. Do anything you’d please or like or anything else in that matter as long as I don’t have to see my mother this weekend!

     From,

     Dr. Frank Sloth

 
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