Enter the Snowflake's lair... Circulation: 164,193,775 Issue: 173 | 14th day of Sleeping, Y7
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The P-Word


by simsman24000

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As the blue Poogle stepped out into the sunshine, he shielded his eyes from the bright orange sun rays that shiningly shone down shining from the sunny sun's sunshine. The newborn Neopian looked around.

"So this is Neopia Central," he said aloud to his owner, a stocky little thing of a species he wasn't too familiar with. "I heard all about it in the egg."

"Great!" said the newbie, looking down at his new Poogle. "Then I guess you'll have fun toting around the city while I head off to the Hidden Tower. I just got 220 NP from the Money Tree - I can buy anything!"

"You're leaving me already!?" cried the Poogle. "I haven't even had time to adapt to society!"

"You'll fit in well," the newbie assured him, "I mean, you inherited it from me, after all."

The newbie smiled, patted the Poogle's head, and ran off looking like Barallus.

"WAIT!" screamed the Poogle, chasing after him.

For having been in existence for a mere four minutes, he was pretty darn fast. He sprinted along the dirt path, screaming his owner's nonexistent name, until he finally pounced and toppled the newbie.

"What do you want?" asked his owner, amazed at whatever the heck just happened.

The Poogle looked at him. "You forgot to tell me my name."

"Oh," said the newbie, looking around the wooded path for an idea for a name. "Password."

"Password?"

"Password."

"Pass-"

"Yes, Password! Now go."

And with that, the newbie ran running off, leaving Password the Poogle behind in the dirt.

The shy Poogle eased his way back into the hub of Neopia Central, unfamiliar with the bright new world which was so bright and new. He surveyed his surroundings, wondering what in the world he could do first. Go shopping, feed a Kadoatie, or mail a letter to his nonexistent friends. Deciding that the best place to begin meeting fellow Neopians was the Money Tree, Password ambled down the path to the gift-giving man-plant. As the Poogle searched around for someone to ask for directions, he came across two very small Yurbles quarreling in front of a street sign.

"HEY! THAT'S MINE!" shouted Riffter, tugging at the tiara-clad head of the very expensive, very feminine Faerie Queen Doll that rested was gradually being pulled apart by the two Yurbles.

"NO, IT'S MINE NOW!" yelled Brown, the other Yurble who pulled on the doll's painted shoes and was inevitably of a brown colour.

"NO IT'S NOT!" pulled Riffter.

"YES IT IS!" shrieked Brown. "I GAVE YOU COLLATERAL AND SO NOW IT'S MINE TO GET THE AVATAR!"

The Poogle looked on in wonder as he witnessed his first-ever newbie battle of misspelled words and unusually-placed emoticons. Password didn't quite know what to think of it, so he decided to do something incredibly stupid.

"Excuse me," said the Poogle, "Why don't you two just share it?"

"Why, that's a good idea!" said the two Yurbles simultaneously, resolving their problem in a very unorthodox, clich├ęd, and badly-written way. Riffter grabbed Fyora's head, and Brown tugged at the curvaceous plastic body.

"Gee, thanks mister!" said Brown, happy that the mysterious Poogle had found such a stupid smart way to solve their problem.

"Don't mention it," said the Poogle, smirking, "By the way, do you two know how to get to the Money Tree?"

"Of course!" laughed Riffter. "Just follow the dirt path towards the Food Shop, merge into Hospital Way, and then bear left on the 405."

The Poogle blinked.

"Go straight," sighed the Yurble.

"Thanks!" said Password, waving to the two as he headed down the path.

"By the way!" called Brown. "WHAT'S YOUR NAME!?"

The Poogle looked back. "Password!"

"Password?" said a confused Brown, looking at his pal.

Suddenly, out of nowhere came an Ice Bori in a dark blue winter coat. With a scowl on his face, he withdrew a pair of icy handcuffs from his coat pocket.

"Attention, Neopian..." said the Bori, launching into a standard speech he always gave. He clasped both of Brown's paws in the handcuffs and sealed the Yurble's lips shut with his icy breath. "You just got frozen."

And as the Poogle walked happily along the dirt path towards the Money Tree, the Ice Bori disappeared down a separate path with the brown Yurble, leaving Riffter standing in amazement, shock, and pure gossipy bliss.

***

The rumors erupted like a ticklish volcano in a feather shop - before long, all of Neopia Central knew the tale of the blue Poogle whose owner had given him such a horrible, cursed name. From the Defenders of Neopia to the hard-working, juice-drinking Meepits to Yurble Scout Troop #118, stories spread about the fearsome Poogle.

"Guys, guys! Did you hear about that Aisha on Lenny Lane? She went into the Food Shop, and came out frozen! I bet it was the P-Man that did it!"

"You know Brainstorm, that Techo who owns the school supplies store? You-Know-What walked into the store and pretty soon the shop was cleared from Market Street!"

"I heard that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named eats newbies for dinner!"

Password walked around the city streets with uneasiness. Apparently gossip went around faster than Poogle legs. With every step he took, he heard another whisper from the now crowded Neopia Central.

Neopians abounded the cobblestone and dirt roads, and in the many plazas and squares that made up Neopia Central, Password was stared at and avoided. Meanwhile, the little Poogle tried his hardest to avoid the confused looks he was given as he looked for his runaway owner. As he entered the Top Shop in search of his newbie, a small blue Kacheek scuttled up to him.

"Excuse me," said a little Kacheek, "Are you the one they're all talking about? The blue Poogle who besmirched the gods?"

The Poogle gave an exasperated sigh, looked at the serious face of playful innocence and naive seniority that the Kacheek had, and then crumpled into a sobbing heap on the floor.

"I DON'T GET ITTTTT!" he wailed, causing the others in the Toy Shop to turn quicker than a Meepit towards a juice pipe. "WHY...... WHOOO..... WHAAATTTTT...... NOOOOOO!"

Password was filled with such confusion and anger that he couldn't even let out his emotions, which is why I, the author, am posing an intervention of his thoughts. Password thought the following:

Why did I have to get such a horrid name?

Who invented the word horrid?

Why is 'Password' such a bad and feared title?

I didn't do anything! Leave me alone!

Why's everybody out to get me!?

How in the heck can you, the author, read my thoughts? GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

For almost a full five minutes, Password screamed and shrieked and cried and yelled and let out his feelings in the most sensitive of ways. Other patrons in the shop filed out of the shop both uneasily and quickly. Even the fun-loving Lupe owner escaped from the shop, though not as fun-loving anymore due to the Poogle who sat on his newly-waxes floor, screaming and shrieking and crying and yelling and letting out his feelings in the most sensitive of ways.

As Password finished his ranting and crying, he looked up and noticed that the now-empty shop was empty except for the one being that made it not-empty anymore. The little Kacheek looked at the blue lump that sat on the shiny wooden floor.

"So why don't you just change your name?"

The revelation came like a revelation to Password. "You mean, YOU CAN DO THAT!?" he cried, hopping up onto his feet. "Where, where can I go!?"

"Actually, I'm not quite sure," said the Kacheek, scratching his chin. "But maybe if you head on over to Number Six's house with a Poptart Plushie, he might appeal to you..."

"Great thinking!" shouted the Poogle, and with a skip and a jump he left the Toy Shop in a very unprofessionally written way that I apologize for.

***

"Hey, it's you!" shouted the Yurble, looking up from his toys in the grass as the Poogle ran past. Password skidded to a halt and looked around for who had called.

"Remember me?" said Riffter, brushing off the dirt from his fur and walking over to where Password stood on the path. "You got my friend frozen!"

"Ermm," said Password, smiling a toothy grin and scratching his head, "sorry about that."

"All because of your dang name," said a disgruntled Riffter, crossing his arms and turning his shoulder to Password.

"Oh," said the Poogle, "that's not my name anymore."

"It's not?"

"Nope."

"Err... what is it, then?" asked Riffter, his eyes wider with curiosity.

The Poogle leaned in towards the Yurble's ear, whispered a single word, and trotted off, happy with his new title.

Riffter stood dumbfounded in the middle of the road, watching the Poogle skip away, and wondering how in the heck a Poogle could be so stupid as to change his name to-

And as the Yurble completed the last syllable of the Poogle's new name, he felt an icy chill on his back. He whirled around, but was relieved when he saw nothing but the trees and grass in which he had been playing.

All was silent, until he heard a voice.

"Attention, Neopian."

The End

 
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