Still thwarting Sloth's mind control... Circulation: 175,667,400 Issue: 357 | 29th day of Hiding, Y10
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Interview With Dr. Sloth


by junglequeen117

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Sassysuade: Welcome to the interview with Doctor Franklin Sloth. I, Sassysuade, shall get in on his second attempt to take over Neopia. So, Dr. Sloth,

Dr. Sloth: Oh, please call me Franky.

Sassysuade: You do realize this is going to be on the Neopian Times, right? One blunder could mess up everything.

Dr. Sloth: OH! In that case, Dr. Sloth it is! I am so sorry for that error.

Sassysuade: That’s better. So tell me, why are you trying to take over Neopia for a second time? Your last attempt literally went up into smoke! I would just lay low. Besides, people are after you and want to fight you in the battle dome.

Dr. Sloth: Because now is the perfect time to strike, considering that the Space Faerie is off in another galaxy and Garoo went in as a first line of defense. He is a very big threat. People have wondered about his location for years! I’m not worried about any alliances against me.

Sassysuade: Well, that is, umm, indescribable, really. I suppose that you put meepits into this? They are also big threats.

Dr. Sloth: Meepits? Not even if they were those weird little robotic tinker toys that you have to wind up in the back. If I used meepits, they would take advantage of it and they would rule Neopia, not me. In addition, they might use their hypnotic stare on me. Thus, I would also be their slave. That is why my plan is meepit free. Besides, this is Virtupets and Kreludor, not the Haunted Woods.

Sassysuade: Very true. Do you plan to make all of Neopia into mutants, like the first time?

Dr. Sloth: Yes, I do, but sense you were kind enough to not be so rude and tell me about this being in the Neopian Times, I realize that I’ll spare all the Neopians as respectable as you are toward me. But don’t tell anyone that. I’m not supposed to be a softy.

Sassysuade Why, thank you! But there is a catch to your plan. All Neopets that are already ugly will stay ugly. Plus, if you want Neopets to also be obedient to you, just give everybody an obedience necklace and save both your time and money. Then you won’t have to spend time making complex machines and not confuse nuts and bolts.

Dr. Sloth: True. You know, I never even thought like that before. Plus, if they sell it, all the money goes to me! MUAHAHAHAHA! Or should I do BWAHAHAHA? I could never really decide between those two. By the way, I know nuts and bolts.

Sassysuade: ON THE NEOPIAN TIMES STILL! And P.S., Go with MUA, it’s a classic. Let me give you an example. *does really great evil laugh* Man, that hurts my throat.

Dr. Sloth: Thank you for both the advice and the interview. *BEEP* That would be the call for finger puppets! *plays with finger puppets for one hour* So, anything else?

Sassysuade: Do you realize you were a: playing with your finger puppets in front of me when you are on the Neopian Times? That so will not look good on future records. I would say that you are so going to be the comedy target rather than a fan target.

Dr. Sloth: Watch it, or I will turn you into a mutant as we speak!

Sassysuade: And I will use fiery gaze to not only turn me back but become my slave with meepits that I also hypnotized for backup. MESS WITH ME! Wait, before you start messing, I think I should give you some very reasonable advice. Get rid of the weird haircut. Also, get a robot to do your foot rub. They never did anything to you! Then again, Grundos never did anything to you either; you’re a villain and you tried to make them permanent slaves. Oh well.

Dr. Sloth: You got away this time, BUT I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE! *stomps off*

Sassysuade: Let’s get a peek backstage to see what Dr. S. has in store. *chuckle*

Dr. Sloth: I look so good when I stomp off in an angry rampage. I think that I should paint myself pink. Lady villains love to see my feminine side. Then again, the Slothster was always a lady’s man. *crack* Why did the mirror just break for no reason? I am charming and elegant. I just hope my hair is staying in shape. I hate flimsy hair.

Sassysuade: I think that was very informative about Dr. Sloth. He is way too childish and girly to be able to take over Neopia, much less Virtupets. He makes everybody else do the work for him. That right there shows that he is very lazy. If you ask me, he is about as good of a world dominator as a rock. A faellie could take over Neopia and beat him at the race of world domination. I mean, really. You want a real villain, look at Hubrid Nox or even a meepit. In the long run, Dr. Sloth is really a roasted gobbler. He had to ask me advice for which evil laugh he should do. What kind of villain is that? Not a villain at all. Tsk, tsk, tsk. I mean, really. He is stupid enough to make Garoo go in for him. If he wanted to be a threat, he should have gone in there by himself with a mutation gun and zap everyone. He is not world domination material at all.

Mrs. Sloth: Slothypoo! Mommy made a Sloth surprise for my little buttercup! Come and get some dinner!

Dr. Sloth: Coming, Mother! Let me get my Usuki dolls first!

Sassysuade: That’s very embarrassing! He lives with his mother! Check out our next Neopian Times interview with Vira! Hopefully she isn’t as much as a goofball as he was! Coming soon: the Dr. Sloth interview on Neovision! See Dr. Sloth get embarrassed in front of all of Neopia when he constantly forgets it!

 
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