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The Dough Makes The Biscuit


by oddball_001

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Biscuits.

What do you look to for a quick, sweet treat? The biscuit. When in a dessert pickle, what box do you grab off your shelves? The biscuit box. The biscuit is just the simplest, most delicious thing Neopians turn to when the sweet tooth aches.

But there are so many kinds.

Hey, I’m in the same boat as you. Every day I try a new flavor or texture, and every time I can’t decide which one could ever be my favorite: the expensive, luxurious, interesting type or the cost-effective, plain (but still de-lish) selection? The range is as vast as my palate, and so I invite you to join me in worshipping what very well may be the top 10 biscuits and biscuit items… of all time.

Number 10: Dung Biscuit Jar

My review for this item can be summer up in one word: revolting! However, if your budget's tight, this may be the ultimate biscuit storage device for you! The Dung Biscuit Jar is... well, let's just say... an aromatic item that would spice up any Tyrannian-themed kitchen with its perfume and convenience. This is a great item for those with braces, since it provides natural moistness that softens the biscuits before they are chewed! Also, the price is something to scream about. Therefore, the Dung Biscuit Jar lands itself at Number 10 in our countdown.

Number 9: Biscuit Eraser

Cute. With Neoschool finally open and school supplies finally useful, this little trinket can prove to be a valuable help in correcting any mistake that a pencil dares to make. Plus it leaves behind the aroma of fresh baked chocolate chip biscuits, practically assuring an A on any paper, exam, or presentation. The only setback is the price (900 NP for an eraser?!?) but I’d be willing to make that sacrifice for this adorable little keepsake that made it to Number Nine on our chart.

Number 8: Chocolate Chip Battle Biscuit

Misleading! My dear Xweetok took a bite out of this item when he was little, and well, he has never been the same since. It should say in bold: DO NOT EAT! Aside from the personal struggle, however, this beautiful battling item is fairly useful. Though it can only be used once, its price is not so breathtakingly high (coming in at about 1,500 NP) that investing in a few would be a mistake. Any biscuit-loving Neopet will be more apt to fight it out in the Battledome with this symbolic weapon by its side. So, if you have a little extra dough (pun intended) to spend here and there, why not buy a few and enjoy a tasty little scrap in the arena with Number 8 on the list.

Number 7: Grapefruit Biscuits

I know what you're thinking: finally, an edible one! But don’t get your hopes up. Though the grapefruit slice shape is cute, these biscuits are not. Deceiving, these incredibly expensive "treats" are made of whole grain biscuit meal and all-natural chunks of fresh grapefruit, with no added sugars! How outrageous! That said, if you are dieting, I’d let go of the extra 3,000 NP or so to still be able to taste the preciously awesome flavor of the biscuit. Find Number 7 in a box on the health food aisle.

Number 6: Disco Biscuit Jar

Whoa, dude… this totally retro biscuit jar brings us back to the olden days, when Disco Neopets par-tayed all night long and ate biscuits all day. Keeps biscuits fresh and keeps them celebrating! Featuring a poppin’ fluorescent pink, purple, lime green, and yellow paisley print, this is the absolute coolest place to store your Aisha and Chomby biscuits, as a tribute to the two signature disco species who paved the way to absolute… dude…

Number 5: Biscuit Paint Brush

Oh my, I wouldn’t leave this out! How else would the ultimate biscuit fanatic show their absolute adoration for their fave treat than by painting every single one of their Neopets biscuit?!? Though it’ll cost you (they go into the millions each) this is so worth it -- you’ll practically die with joy once you’re done restocking, gaming, and saving to make ends meet. Don’t try to eat your Neopets, though... they'll still taste the same (and I know mine taste gross!). *shifty eyes* WOOT NUMBER FIVE!!! *shifty eyes*

Number 4: Plate of Banana Biscuits

Yes, a really, truly edible one. The Plate of Banana Biscuits may be the best entertainer Neopia has ever encountered. Send one tray around the room and keep the other for yourself, making sure to indulge the Mynci in you while listening to the delighted noises of your crowd. Made with fresh, organic Mystery Island bananas and rich, sweet flour, these treats are sure to be the ultimate crowd pleaser, family pleaser, raging angry Mynci pleaser, and you pleaser. Though the price is high (3,000 NP a pop) this hearty, delicious dessert definitely deserves its respectable spot at Number 4 in our dwindling countdown.

Number 3: Assorted Mini Biscuits

These adorable little things are the perfect on-the-go snack. Stick a few of these delectable miniatures in your pocket or backpack and enjoy them while jogging, slacking in class, or running errands. Also, since they come in irresistible flavors like vanilla, orange, blueberry, and lemon, we can easily ignore the 3,000 NP price tag on a group of four and just relish the sheer scrumptiousness of going small with Number 3.

Number 2: Cream Fill Chocolate Koi Biscuit

Sweet, delicate vanilla cream sandwiched cozily between two rich dark chocolate biscuits shaped like the cute and gentle Koi, this biscuit is a package deal, that’s for sure. Saccharine almost to the point of being disgusting, this dessert is said to have over 3,000 calories, though we’re thankful it doesn’t cost that much, or else we may not get the chance to seriously overindulge our sweet tooth as much as we’d like. Actually, it's a fair deal at roughly 2,000 NP per delicious, sugary, thick and sticky treat, but its price and fat content is what’s keeping it from the ultimate crown of biscuits.

Number 1: Chocolate Chip Biscuits

Honestly, how predictable am I? Whatever, it’s only true that the simplest, most honest, and most delicious biscuit would make it to Number 1. With a crunchy, drool-inspiring outside and a soft, palate-pleasing inside, this true cookie is an utter devotion to all things biscuit. Liberally speckled with semi-sweet, half-melted, warm, succulent chocolate chips, two chocolate chip biscuits on a brisk, frosty morning are like feeding the very soul. And at 350 NP for two (that’s right, 350!) this hand-crafted, filling biscuit feeds the wallet, too, and thus is crowned The Ultimate Biscuit.

I’m hungry, I don’t know about you.

Seeya at The Bakery!

    

 
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