Dealing with a Rabid Fan
With the third Altador Cup practically knocking at the front door, an air of excitement rises through the many lands of Neopia. Everyone, the loyal Darigan citizens in their Citadel, the lei-wearing Mystery Islanders, and even the galactic Grundo recovering from the fog of war, is preparing for Altador Cup III. Many Neopets and their owners are considering themselves fans of the Cup, but only a few can say that they are rabid about Yooyuball and the Altador Cup. It’s important to identify these fans before they come out of nowhere and yell with the voice of an estranged opera singer.
First, you must know the difference between a supporter, a fan, and a rabid fan. First we have the supporters. This class of Neopian is very outgoing and will do anything they can to help their team. From playing some extra rounds of Slushie Slinger to getting out on the field to play a game of Yooyuball, all in the name of their team, these supporters are the driving force that makes teams happen and place well.
After the supporter class, you have your fans. These are your average, run-of-the-mill Neopians who are looking to watch something that interests them and maybe make some Neopoints off of the whole deal. The fan usually is minimally involved in some sort of club that donates to the team of their choice. They also try to attend all the home games and games that are within a hour or two from their homes. Your regular fan probably isn’t about to buy a ticket to all of the games their team plays this season. Most games are broadcast on Neovision anyway, so why bother going to the real thing when you could watch it from the comfort of your own room?
Our last class is known as the gladiator of the stands. The hero of the snack bar. The victor of the... you get the point. These fans have been promoted to rabid fans and are proud to show it. Looking up the meaning of rabid in the dictionary, you will find that it means enthusiastic or extremely zealous. However, there is a darker side to this word. It can also mean uncontrollable; raging. Tread lightly when dealing with these Altador Cup participants. The rabid fan will paint any and every part of his or her body to match their team’s colors. This can go anywhere from the dark purples of Darigan Citadel to the haunting Orange and Black of the Haunted Woods. Another key feature of the rabid fan is the fact that they will attend all games, and make quite a stir while they are there. From the moment they enter the stands, the excited and a tad bit crazy fan will start screaming their head off. If they are wild enough, they might even get the entire crowd into it, making enough noise to level a stadium to the ground. Whenever they visit the snack stand, they order one of everything. This way, they are able to have a different snack for each moment of the game, from passes to goals.
Now that you know how to identify the fan, it’s time to move on to another vital part of fandom. The merciless campaigning for their teams. From the moment the Month of Eating draws to a close, the rabid fan (let’s call him RF for time’s sake) will begin to send out flyers, calling up anyone who will listen, and mounting banners on anything with a hole. These advertisements often deal with the ways owners and their Neopets can help support teams and who is most likely going to win this year. Most letters will look something as follows.
Dear *insert resident’s name here*,
I’m pleased to inform you that *insert RF’s team here* is going own the Altador Cup this year. I regret to inform you that if you pick any other team to win or if you post up any banner of any team that is not *insert RF’s team here*, then you will be insulted and your Neohome just might be egged. Thank you for your agreement and let’s make this year the best year for *insert RF’s team here*. Oh yes, let me also mention that I LOVE THIS TEAM!!! That will be all.
Your humble and foaming-at-the-mouth fan,
*insert your insane neighbor’s name*
If you receive one of these letters, it’s best to burn it and deny all knowledge of it. If they keep on coming, then please do your best to hide the letter, either by sending it to another friend (or enemy) or you might even consider using it as pillow stuffing. With its disposal, you will be entitled to your own opinion without a blue Techo with a grudge after you.
After you are sure that every item of propaganda has been removed from your Neohome, backpack, mailbox or other possession of yours, then you can assume it is safe to move on to the last step of dealing with a RF: managing one at a Yooyuball game. Now, this is critical and I don’t think I can stress it enough. Do not, I repeat, do not approach one of these fans. Telling them apart from the crowd should be very easy, as they will be the ones with spittle flying from their mouths, eyes stretched open with veins pulsing, and paint all over their chest and/or face.
Once they have spotted you, a regular fan, then they will immediately try to convert you to a selfless supporter of their team. Their tactics include offering you a pin as a sign of “friendship”. What they really mean to do is get you to a point where you are willing to wear insignia or any other team supportive item. Once they have you here, they will further give you embarrassing beanies, banners, flags, and the worst thing that you could possibly accept, paint. After they have you hooked on the merchandise, they will move to the junk food.
It’s common knowledge that enough Neocola or Hubert’s Hot Dogs will turn even the most calm gentleman into a babbling RF. Once they have you hyped up on junk food and sweets, then I am afraid that no amount of shaking or beating will snap you out of your ‘food rush’, or the uncontrollable feeling to yell at the top of your lungs at every pass, goal and interception.
Overall, the best thing to do with a rabid fan is to avoid them completely. Once you have the safe distance from them, then they will just seem like an amusing, albeit annoying, sideshow attraction. You can just smile and laugh with your friends and Neopets at their antics and just be glad that you aren’t a part of it. Now, go have a good time at the next Altador Cup, and remember that that blue Techo with the unbelievable vocal chords is not your friend.
First Article! Look for more on the way if this gets in. :)