It’s a Weewoo Delivery!
Weewoos big and small across Neopia dream about the day that they can deliver the Neopian Times. It is an arduous task, but it must be done. The number of Neopians is growing and that is only furthering the delivery problem. Today, Lemon and Lemon industries will do an in depth interview with a select white Weewoo who has been in service with the Neopian Times for several hundred issues.
Our Weewoo correspondent, out of fear for his job, asked to remain anonymous. Today we will be referring to him as “Woo”. Also, for your benefit we have translated Woo’s petpet speak into something more understandable.
Lemon: Good day, Woo; let us get straight into the point. With the increasing Neopian population, and demand for the Neopian Times, how do you make your deliveries?
Woo: We do not make deliveries.
Lemon: Really... wait... what?
Woo: Foolish person, Weewoo are too weak to carry such a load. We have no arms! Remember?
Lemon: Really? Then who does make the deliveries?
Woo: Why, Sloth, of course!
Woo: Yes, well, somewhat. As you are well aware, Sloth has created multiple clones. As a threat to the Neopian Times he had sent a multitude of his clones to the factory. Sloth and his crazy ideas! Well, Sloth, being the fool he is, never knew the brilliance behind the Neopian Times’s creators. They were able to re-program his ‘bots and use them to deliver the paper all over Neopia!
Lemon: Oh... about how many clones are in use?
Woo: Now if I told you that, Sloth himself would come and turn me mutant!
Lemon: Erm... next question... if these clones deliver the Neopian Times, then why is the White Weewoo still the Neopian Times’ mascot?
Woo: Have you ever met Sloth?
Lemon: No, but I—
Woo: Then do not question our motives.
Lemon: He cannot be that horrible. Honestly.
Woo: If you only knew...
Lemon: Do you ever feel neglected by the Neopian Times?
Lemon: But you said Sloth had invaded?
Woo: That was quite a while ago.
Lemon: How long have you been using these clones?
Woo: How long has Fyora been faerie queen?
Lemon: That long? Wow. So, since you do not deliver the paper, as many have been led to believe, what do you all do?
Woo: We like to pull pranks on the Editorial writer.
Lemon: What kind of pranks?
Woo: Well, you know how people started to throw things, like rocks and cookies, at him before they asked a question?
Lemon: Yes, of course! That was quite irritating.
Woo: It was all the work of I, Mr. Woo.
Lemon: What other pranks have you done?
Woo: Well, for one of our most enjoyable pranks, we sprinkled our friend, the editorial writer, with some Slorg flakes. Let me just tell you and any readers that pencils and slorg slime do not mix well.
[Loud screeching sound]
Lemon: What was that?
Woo: I do not know.
Sloth: Who here speaks my name in vain?
Lemon: Wait! Who are you?
Sloth: This is your ruler, your king, Sloth!
Woo: Uh-oh. Now you did it.
Lemon: I do not believe this! This is a closed interview. Get out, now!
Sloth: No, I must make my brilliant dastardly plans known to all of Neopia.
Lemon: You know you lost in the last plot, right?
Sloth: Yes, but, that was the past, and this is the future, and I am here now to take over!
Woo: I am out of here!
Lemon: Stay right here, Woo. What are you, such a puny green creature, going to do?
Sloth: I shall call on my clones!
A moment passes...
Sloth: Ahem... I said... I shall call on my clones!
Lemon: Get out.
Sloth: What happened to my clones? They were supposed to come when I called.
Lemon: I believe the Neopian Times now owns them.
Sloth: W-w-what? How could you do that to me? My pride... my joy! I left them here eons ago to control you!
Lemon: You can have them back if you just leave!
Sloth: Oh.... Well... Heh... I will be right back. Do continue.
Lemon: That is what I thought.
Sloth: No, really, I will be back.
Lemon: Lock the doors! Quickly.
Woo: I have no arms!
Woo: Did you really just give him back his clones?
Lemon: Of course I did. It got him to leave... did it not?
Sloth: Where are MY clones?
Lemon: Did you really think it would be that simple, Mr. Sloth? I will find them for you AFTER the interview.
Woo: Watch what you say to him.
Sloth: Pipe it, peewee! Do you think I could be interviewed?
Lemon: Not right now. No.
Sloth: But I want an interview!!!
Lemon: How about you sit and listen to the interview?
Sloth: I suppose that will do, for now.
Lemon: Mr. Woo, does the Petpet Protection League protect you from any on-the-job injuries?
Woo: Of course they—
Sloth: Those fools! I could turn them all into mutant pets if I wished.
Lemon: Excuse me, Mr. Sloth, this is not your interview. Please be quiet.
Sloth: What did you just say?
Lemon: I said... Please... Be... Quiet!
Sloth: How dare you!
[Sloth pulls out his ray gun and zaps the contents of the room continuously until they turn into piles of soot.]
Lemon: Oh no, you did not!
Woo: Oh boy, here it comes—
Lemon: You come into MY interview, and pester MY friend Woo, and you think you are the one burdened? Oh, no—
Lemon: You, Dr. Sloth, are a disgrace for all things EVIL. You come here, ruin this room, and you think you deserve an apology?! I THINK NOT!
Sloth: I am s-s-sorry.
Lemon: Sorry means change, Mr. Sloth. Are YOU willing to change?
Sloth: Y-y-es. But do not tell my followers... What can I do to show my utter regret?
Lemon: Woo, I think since this WAS your interview, you can choose what Slothy here should do.
Woo: The clones are out of our hands now, correct?
Sloth: Correct. They shall no longer be working for you, my dear sir. That is one thing I will not give to you.
Woo: In that case, I believe I have the perfect solution... Mr. Sloth, you will hereby deliver the Neopian Times.
Sloth: What?! I will not—
Woo: Yes, yes you will.
Lemon and Lemon Productions thanks you all for taking the time to read this “Late Breaking” interview. The next time you see a newspaper at the door of your Neohome think twice about opening it. You do not know what Sloth may have hidden inside.
This interview was brought to you by “The Neopian Time's 350th Anniversary Issue”
"Now filled with 10% more Sloth."